Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:00:02] Speaker B: Hi, King, can we get some service please? Okay, this topic is progress, not perfection. My name is Scott, I with Maggie and I'm a composer. Over. I'm seated with Maggie and we both are co leaders of the meeting.
Okay, Can I, can I. Everybody join me in the serenity prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.
OK, each of us will have 20 minutes to speak and then we'll open up the room for shares. Up to 3 minute shares with up to 3 minute shares. Could somebody volunteer to please be a timekeeper for the. For the meeting?
Volunteer? We have to have to book the signs. Okay, thank you.
Okay, this, this session is being recorded.
Okay. So I'm going to call Maggie up first to share for up to 20 minutes.
[00:01:17] Speaker C: Thank.
[00:01:25] Speaker D: Hi everyone. Hello family. My name is Maggie and to use a dear friend's definition of herself, I'm living in the solution one day at a time.
I suppose I don't actually need to stand by the microphone because I'm a gym teacher from way back, but. And that makes me uncomfortable, so I won't. I'm going to start with a reading.
This is from For Today and it is February 22nd. The maxim nothing avails perfection may be spelled paralysis. And this is by Winston Churchill. How long will the wallpaper in the bedroom hang down like a lopping tone? Why don't I fix it or have it fixed? Because I want the job done perfectly. I want the best, the prettiest, the most elegant wallpaper in the world. Where am I going to find it? Just thinking about looking through stacks and stacks of patterns for the perfect ones stops me in my tracks. Which is why the wallpaper stays as it is and I keep the bedroom door closed. Where does the need to be perfect come from? It's true that if I don't do anything, no one can criticize my lack of taste or whatever it is I think I ought to have. But the harshest, most unrelenting critic of all is me. I see that wallpaper every day. And I hate the slob who forces me to live that way. For today, perfectionism is another obsession. I pray to be relieved of it. I do the necessary footwork by taking one small step toward a project or activity I have been putting off.
For me, I live by the adage progress, not perfection.
To get there, the first thing I had to do was live by two other slogans. One is acceptance is the answer and nothing Absolutely nothing happens in. I call my higher power sacred spirit in sacred spirits world by mistake.
What that I've been in the room in and out of the rooms for like 30 some odd years.
When I first came, I am who I am. I've come in, I think I was born in this butch body. And I went to a meeting and it was women. I was in my 20s, married women talking about dresses and how they didn't fit in here and fit in there and I knew I was in the wrong place.
But fortunately within the spiritual community that I was in, it was also a 12 step community. So they were like get your ass back to a meeting.
What I what? And so I have, I've had abstinence. I'm three plus years abstinent now.
I what I. I've had abstinence. I've given away my abstinence. I've lost my abstinence. Any word you want to use? What I found was that certain slogans and certain readings stuck with me and kept me out of the rooms.
Half measures avail us nothing. Do you know how many times I told myself as I was leaving a meeting and stopping at a 711 and picking up sweets and anything to fill myself up because I had a feeling and God forbid I should feel my feelings and I'd be eating and then I'd be like throwing everything I had just sworn to in the meeting 10 minutes earlier out the door because this wasn't a full measure.
And I just, I found so I mean I was there. I mean I can't really. The times that I have spent in the food and what I did with the food and the progression, we can all match stories.
And I could not accept that I wasn't perfect. Which is very bizarre for me to say to you because as I said, I came out as I am and I never fit the mold.
I never enjoyed wearing dresses. I was always playing and climbing. I was an athlete. And in the 60s and 70s women were just. All women were just being included in sports. So even if you weren't gay and you played sports, you were thought to be.
So I didn't fit that mold. I from an early. My mom suffered from depression and was very weak and very submissive. I never wanted to be. That's what a woman looked what that if that was being a woman, I didn't want to be it.
So when I, when I recognized that I was saying to myself, if I can't do this diet, this food plan that they used to hand out or if I can't call, I don't like the phone. I thank God for technology. I text.
I don't have good.
I have to improve my listening skills and I have add. So I will interrupt you virtually. No matter what story or how interested I am in it, I will get caught. And this. My wife just has to breathe really deeply because she was telling me a story last night and I got caught on like a piece of the detail. But how could that be? And she's like, that's not the story. I said, I know, but I can't get past it. So.
But there was, there were, there was. I used to hold the ideal up and the senior members as the ideal. And if I couldn't do what they were doing, then that meant I didn't belong. That meant I wasn't doing it right. And therefore why bother?
When I came back into the rooms, I'll say it was about maybe 2017, maybe a little earlier than that, I don't remember. But I was in the rooms and I knew that my life was completely unmanageable. I didn't care what my body looked like. I'm also an incest survivor and I think that that impacts my body image. I really sort of just see it as this, a square. I'm inside it. I look at myself in the mirror, my outfit looks okay. Goodbye.
But when I. So when I came back, whatever the year it was, I was coming because I knew that the only times in my life that I felt any peace or serenity was when I was in working the 12 steps. And that's when I decided that I needed to figure out a way that I could live in recovery every single day of my life. And what that meant was I began to accept myself. I began to look at.
When I. So I went back into education, Phys ed teacher, didn't get tenure. Went out and explored myself, did 101 different things, went back into teaching in two different school districts, didn't get tenure. I was devastated because I thought, you know, I'd refound my dream and all that. I had to accept that nothing, absolutely nothing happens in Sacred Spirits world by mistake. Which means that my not getting those jobs, I may never know why, but there was a reason for that and I really focused and worked on that. My first, when I was getting back into really finding a food plan, my first abstinence was simply texting my food buddy what I ate. It didn't matter if I had something frozen that was covered with stuff. It didn't matter whether I ate four slices of something I was simply learning to be honest and learning that being honest did not make me bad telling. I personally don't think that if I. My food plan is flexible and I personally don't think that food is the enemy.
I don't. I have some food allergies like where I will break out in hives. But aside from that, I have this odd thinking where there's like, there's like a fine line progress net, not perfection.
That doesn't mean on one hand progress could be in the abstinence books they taught someone. One of the authors, one of the talks about how her first abstinence was she had to have the filler fill her plate and then the next abstinent. Then she defined her abstinent differently too. Or it was only go back for one helping an extra and then it was fill a plate and then progress.
So my first abstinence this time back in was just learn to be honest and learn that I am not bad or should criticize myself. That's so helpful.
That's the. In case you want to know, that's holding up the timer.
So I had that helped me so much to learn to accept every little step I made. The fact that every single day I was committed to telling somebody what I ate no matter what. Every single day. That was huge progress. That was like somebody else jumping off a cliff. And I have a fear of heights.
So that's where I began.
And I also began to acknowledge and validate. Every single step I take is a part of my recovery that I mean legitimately. I probably have had that situation with the wallpaper that I read in my house.
I have. I.
If I need to say that waking up on any. My intention is to wake up and take the dog for a 1 mile walk every morning.
I have a cute little loop. I do. It's very blah, blah, blah. That is my intention. I give myself the grace that my higher power would give me and I. The fine line is I walk no matter what. And yet there are days that I give myself permission not to walk. How do I figure that out? How do I figure out whether I am half measuring and just kind of sitting back and doing nothing or that for today the best I could do was put was change out of my pajamas.
And that this way of thinking, of radically accepting myself, of accepting that life is cyclical.
Some days we all, if we have been blessed, we have all had that pink cloud where the food isn't an issue. Boy howdy, I am good. I am responding. Doesn't matter what's coming at me. Before I react, I say this serenity prayer. And I am very Zen.
Those are great days. We cherish those. I also know that there are days when I am strapped into my kayak and paddling through whatever the highest phase of rapids are, and I'm upside down. I used to watch the Olympics, and when they would do that, I would panic. When the kayakers would go upside down and they'd have to right themselves, I would. I'm like, I am that person sometimes. I am still sometimes debating with myself in front of Carvels.
And I had to grow to accept that the debate was progress, because years earlier, I didn't give a shit. Years earlier, I was in there and thinking that the solution is in frozen goods or baked goods. Today. Not today, but within the last couple of weeks, I literally had to say to myself as I was thinking that for me, I don't yet always recognize my emotions. For me, when I think about food and I realize, oh, I'm trying to convince myself that this baked good will is. Is my lunch.
And I. When I hear myself say that, I'm like, okay, what's going on?
What's going on? That we haven't thought that we. That's underneath where. Why am I restless, irritable, and discontent? Which I. I use that as a catchphrase, by the way. If I don't know what's going on and I'm just like, ooky, I will say I don't know what I'm feeling, but I am restless, irritable, and discontent.
Even saying that to myself, I choose to see that as progress because in the past, I know I would have eaten and eaten and eaten and wondered, why aren't I happy?
For me, it's about. It's about validation, validating that I'm a good person.
Validating that one day or progress years ago, the last thing in the world in 2017 or whenever it was that I came back and was working there, I could text that person right now and say to her, did you ever think I would weigh and measure my food? I was so against it.
And what I came to realize was there is a sanity for me in putting certain foods on the scale.
There are certain foods that I weigh and measure others I don't. Because I will never eat a head of broccoli.
And if someone cooked and I had a full plate of broccoli, I personally am okay with that.
I. You know, like, I'm just saying, but the. But other foods and things that I eat I know that if I have. If I don't put it on the scale, I'm going to think, hmm, maybe I could have more chicken or, well, you know, I don't think this is 28 grams of these things that come from the bag. Maybe I need more.
Right? So those things that I know that I will go back for or will haunt me later at night, I put on a scale I know that's mine and I'm done with them.
For me, looking at, focusing on, acknowledging that everything I'm doing is moving me further and further toward recovery.
It helps me stay in it.
It helps me be willing to do the next right thing.
If I overeat, and I do, there are days where I will over consume not certain foods, certain food. You know, we all have our rules and regulations, but on those days in the past, I would have told myself that I had effed up and there. And I. And I didn't deserve to be here. Only people who worked it deserve to be here. And I ask you, what does working it look like?
Because working it for one person will look a lot different than another.
I mean, hugely different. Because we are different individuals and we all have different needs.
So there are similarities, but there are differences. Acknowledging that nothing will. Nothing will take me out of the rooms again. I belong to another fellowship. And between the two of them, I will live my life in recovery for the rest of my life. I can say that now because I believe that my higher. I honestly believe. You know, there was a. I have like a minute left, so I don't know why I'm telling you about a movie, but there's a movie with Susan Sarandon and Sean Penn and he's a murderer and she's a nun and she goes to visit Sean Penn's mother. And Sean Penn's mother talks about loving her son no matter what, that he is still that little boy. I think that my higher power sees me that way. I think that even when I have been cruel to. Unfortunately, I can be at times to my wife. In the past, I have anger and I said mean things.
I have to accept myself when we talk now, when I.
I am sorry for the circle I'm going in, but follow me.
I see my wife at times respond when. Like she'll drop something and we're together and I can see her cringe, waiting for that angry response about how she had done something wrong. And all I can say to her today is, I'm so sorry that I acted in a way during those years that has caused you to feel this, to respond like that. And I think my higher power knows and accepts that when I did that I was grieving and working through issues of anger from my past.
And I do still get angry when things happen that will be out of my control. I want to yell at somebody for dropping something sometimes. Or yell. I have a disabled dog. I yell at her to stand up sometimes.
[00:21:05] Speaker E: Get up.
[00:21:06] Speaker D: I know you can stand up.
But I accept myself and accept the progress that I see my faults. I work the steps every day and I live in the solution. And the solution is for me, do whatever you have to to live by the 12 steps each and every day. And for me, that's accepting that everything I do is progress. I'd like to finish with a reading from for today, another reading. This is from May 19th and it is how unhappy is he who cannot forgive himself by somebody whose name I can't pronounce?
Why didn't I? How could I? What is it with me? The tendency to hang onto self condemnation persists with a will of its own. It goes beyond healthy self criticism, branding judgments deep into the core of my being.
Where did I get the notion that I am to be without faults? Make no mistakes. The program tells me that wrongdoings of the past, both real and imagined, need to be recalled, looked at and disposed of through the directions given in steps four through nine.
It is these all but forgotten thoughts and actions that keep me wallowing in guilt, which in turn keeps me from facing and resolving my real problems of today.
For today. Forgiveness of myself is one of the first rewards of working the 12 step program. Thank you for letting me share.
[00:22:58] Speaker B: Hi, I'm Sky. Is this yours?
[00:23:02] Speaker D: Oh yeah. Thank you.
[00:23:06] Speaker B: Hi, I'm Scott. I'm a compulsive overeater.
I too have times been very hard on myself because I come from a controlled background where, you know, it's like I would get mixed messages. You know, I would be told it's okay to make a mistake, but it shouldn't have happened. So it was learning from both ways. And in program I've learned I have to break that cycle. And I learned it especially in this recovery. You know, this is not my first recovery. I have. I am a relapse survivor in relapse survivor. I was in relapse for about seven years before I finally got back through treatment.
And I'm also eligible for the £100 because in this recovery I've been able to release about £360 with you know, through the help of the program. But it was through the mistakes that I made. I've learned to make the progress. And they say you learn from your own mistakes. And I've learned to use that as to me, it's an unofficial tenth tool for me. You have to do that. And I've learned not just the mistakes, but just the general things. I've had to go through the progress itself little by little, that I've learned to enhance my recovery to get to here today. You know, I used to. I follow commercial plans for many years. I lived by that because it gave you so much food. And it doesn't make sense that I was eating myself to a weight loss. And that's exactly what I was doing. And I concentrated too much on the food itself. On Thanksgiving, I would skip lunch so I could binge out at dinner and have two meals at the same time. When I fasted on Yom Kippur, believe me, once I broke the fast, I had to get those meals in.
Today, I don't worry about it because I know, because I've learned. I've learned in recovery. I do not fast because you're not supposed to go hungry. My first recovery was through treatment, and when they said you couldn't fast, it took me a long time to accept the fact that I could not. Then you're not supposed to do it because you're not supposed to go hungry because that's setting yourself up for that relapse. And I've had plenty. I mean, I consider myself an expert at that because I was doing it all the time.
All the time. And I've learned also my first recovery, I was married and I was learned I was given too much control to my wife. I mean, she wanted to be helpful, but I give her too much control. In this recovery, I'm divorced. In this recovery, I learned that did not happen.
It could not.
She could help as much as I'm willing to let her help. Other than that, I do it myself. I've learned to do it myself. I've learned not to be hard, like I said, not to be hard on myself and not to let others being overly critical. There is no such a thing as constructive criticism. And that's exactly what's needed.
As hard as it is to really hear it. I've learned to look at the intentions, and that's been part of my progress, to see if they really mean in a nice way. And I've tried to do that on my own, too, because I could get very excited, someone sometimes angry, and I don't want to jump out at them.
And I learned no longer to do that. When I came into this treatment through a treatment center, again, it was a special kind of treatment program. They said we lived in residential apartments. We had to keep up the apartment, do our own shopping alone, cook as part of it, so they could just take it out.
I started learning right there, but it's morphed into something more.
The therapist said, after all this time, we learned that you can't cook. Well, I'm cooking as simply as I can for myself, and I turn the tables and I let her have it because I learned the progress you defend yourself and. Exactly. And I've learned, and I've learned to take it in this recovery. I've learned keep it simple. And I often tell people, if the food doesn't go. If it doesn't go into a microwave, it doesn't get cooked. I keep it very simple, and it's simple. I plan not to con. You know, I don't always have the salads for lunch, you know, for lunch anymore, like, because I have to bring it with me to a treatment center. You know, I. And I've learned along the way, you know, is, you know, to take it with me. I've learned. I got back to work in this recovery, and I've learned on the two jobs I've had. See, you know, I no longer have to have a cold lunch just because it's easy. Take. I've learned, take what you need, you know, whatever you would have for us, a hot meal for lunch, cut it up, put it into the plastic containers, and you take it with me. My first job and the second job, I made sure that they had a refrigerator and microwave. That's exactly what I had to do for myself, you know, for myself. And then, you know, and people, like, people have learn to, you know, have seen what I'm doing. So I never made any secret. I'm in this fellowship with my. With my current job. You know, they see. And I've learned that's progress. To reach out and to make sure you could get the things you exactly need for yourself.
You know, when they. When they're having a special event, when they were going to a restaurant, you know, for a department lunch, I simply bring up a menu. That's the progress I have. Instead of depending, just taking a chance on getting things there, you know, that are really, really needed. You know, I've learned to go through the full mile where if I walk into a place and they don't have what I need, I'm not making Those exceptions just for the sake, I walk out and I go elsewhere. That's exactly what I've done. The progress that I had to have made for myself.
And like I said, the mistakes I've made, I mean there has been. I've learned, you know, I've learned to make the progress, use the mistakes, not just mine, but other people's mistakes and learn and not to be hard on myself, you know, to really, to really do this. And now I'm going to have to be imperfect in another way. The miracle of this program is that I had made up my mind. You know, I wasn't, I was told my, you know, many years ago the doctors told my wife if your husband wants to lift a C40, he better start doing something about his recovery, about his weight. It was 40 when I first came into program. Now the miracle is that when I decide when I turn 70, I'm going to retire this December, I am turning 70 and I'm making those plans for myself. And that's exactly what you need now I'll have more time for myself to be imperfect.
That's exactly what I need, to take it lightly and not be so hard on myself to do this. And I'm making plants. It's going to be the first time I'm making search plants.
What to do with myself When I was supposed to come into treatment, the night before I came into treatment this last time around, I got cold feeds. Why? Because. Why? What was I going to do with all my free time that I was using for the binging? What do I do with myself?
Well, I came in because too many people were rooting for me. I came in and I learned you make time by doing other things. Even if I just went out and did absolutely nothing. I no longer have to stay home to do this. Well, you know, when I was in treatment, you know, they said exercise, I could hardly, at £550, I could hardly walk. But I did the walk and that was my exercise.
I've learned not to be so hard on myself with the body image issues. I mean, you know, what 500 some odd pound person doesn't have those body image issues. But I learned, but they start to come down right from the start. On their website they have a swimming pool on the premises. Now why I had a bathing suit in that size I'll never know. But I brought it with me and that was my exercise. I didn't care what anybody else thought. I got into that pool and I did the swimming.
And that's my love, that's one of the loves of my life is swimming. I came out all wrinkled. You think I was an old man, but I did it. It started to disappear right now.
So one thing I learned to do it that way is to get rid of the body image issues. The only time I did anything about the body image issues, which was obvious, I did have the surgery for that skin, to have the plastic surgery for the skin because it was too far gone. That's the only time I really acted to do something out of the ordinary.
Out of the ordinary before that.
And in making the plans to go anywhere, I make sure they have what they need.
I was on vacation this past year. I had a visitor. We did things. I made sure to bring my own foods. I do that on my own because we're staying in a person's house. We could not depend on going out to eat every meal because I wasn't going to be stuck. And that's the progress I've made to do. You know, I was a stickler for that, you know, And I've learned also in this recovery, you know, your work. I'm working on being perfect. I will never get there. But the road down to that perfection is going to help me be a better person and do things better for myself along the way. Along the way, you know, my time will come. I'm not going to be perfect. But after that, I'm not going to thank you. After that, I'm not going to know anything about it. And that's. And that's really fine by me. You know, my. You know, and also not to let people get in my way. I've learned, you know, there are people out there who don't understand. They say, can't you make exceptions? Can't you do that?
And I could avoid them. I mean, for the most part, I avoid those people who would, you know, who would do that. But unfortunately, some of those people were family members like my father, who did not understand. So I really had to do that, you know, to really just try and put up with it. And also part of what I did, being perfect, was understanding that term people, well meaning, will tell me to do something that's not what's best. And a good example is I've had a whole host of doctors tell me, go for the gastric bypass.
And I said no. Everything. My insurance also said, we're not paying for treatment now. I fought them for two years before they suggested for treatment. They said, we will pay for gastric bypass. I said no. I realized they will not. You Know that I'm going to obsess about the food. I'll find a way to have the food, you know, so. And I've learned, try not my progress, try, you know, do it with love. Try not to get excited with them. And believe me, I could get very excited when it comes to my recovery. You know, the vibes go up every time somebody says something. Even with not understanding. I've learned to try and do that these days.
And like I said, there have been mistakes probably that I don't even realize that I've had mistakes with weighing mistakes with an amount Dio. Sometimes I find out later I used a little too much or something without even realizing it. And that sense of forgiveness has to be there.
And I've learned to use a sense of humor with great deal to try and do that even with myself.
And treatments also tell me to treat other people, to make the plug. Try and treat other people as nicely as you like to be treated myself. And with my job, that has not been easy. I do payroll, customer service, and when it comes to the people's money, their vacation time, their sick time, they really hard on the person. And my first supervisor said, your vibe is going to go up. You're going to feel a natural reaction to react. And I try not to do that. And the progress is to try not to do that. And just try to be as patient as possible to do that. And believe me, and it becomes harder and harder the longer I'm on the job. And I've been on this job for Ray for 16 years. And I've had my share of those hard calls to the point where when a nice call comes in and I hang up, I said, what's wrong with the call?
Yeah. And I've done that also to try and change my way of thinking, to say appreciate the nice calls when they come along, you know, to appreciate the nice things that come along and to try to do that. So I like to leave everybody here and I'd like to hear from everybody else, deal with their shares. So we'll have three minute cheers. I'm assuming there'll be a one minute warning, so thank you.
So who's first? Who would like to share?
Okay, come on up.
[00:36:45] Speaker A: My voice will probably carry as well. I'm Cheryl and I'm a compulsive overeater.
Hi. And I come in. I did the math. I've been in 28 years.
I had five strong years of abstinence with a very strong sponsor. And then life intervened and I chose to get Ticked off and left program. Took me eight to 10 years to get back. So I've got two and a half years now. But I can't tell you how much you're both sharing. I'm sitting there, you probably saw me nodding my head and oh my God, you, you had me. Oh, just whoa.
But what I found was I was sitting in the last meeting and it was like all the ones that are at this time, I wanted to come. So I said to my friend who is also the former sponsor that had this difficult person in the beginning and through her loving kindness, I wasn't the angry person anymore. I was much softer and I'm still working on getting more soft.
Didn't kind of work at the checked in point yesterday. But anyway, what I found was that progress, not perfection. I said to one of the members in a group I go to on and Miranda, I said, okay, what one are we going to go to? Let's look. And I said, how about we just go downstairs and we see where God takes us? So I said to. So we got downstairs and we're like, okay, what are we going to do? We went. So I said to the other member, I said, okay, tell us which one we should go to. And she looked at it, she said, and I said, come on. And she goes, progress, not perfection. I thought, yep, she knows me. And you both stated it perfectly. Because I related to. Thank you. I related to half males.
Freudian slipped there, half measures availed me nothing because I thought if I didn't do the program the way they did, if I didn't, I wasn't good enough. And I was raised too to think that I was never good enough. And I am good enough. And thank you for saying the things you did. And thank you for saying that you stick to your guns because that's what I'm doing now. My husband has been with me for 48 years, married 46. His comment to me not too long ago was, why are you still going? You got this.
I looked at him and I said, do you not know me? Do you not remember what those 18, 10 years out a program was like?
I was a bitch from hell and now I'm a happy bitch from hell. No.
But all I can say is I am so grateful to be at this convention because I'm in a group that's very much struggling and I'm making a decision that it either folds or I leave because there's no recovery there and I need recovery. I'm doing what you talked about and I'm really Glad that everyone is here because I shared with someone at the meeting. I said, you would not believe the recovery that is at these conventions and the energy when you come into these rooms. Everybody's here because they want recovery. It's not the social where you walk in with Canadian Tim Hortons. Anyway, I'm really grateful to be here. And I'll stop. Thank you very much.
[00:40:57] Speaker B: All right.
[00:40:57] Speaker E: I am going to use. I have a strong voice, but I'm using it anyway.
Okay. I am Dee. I'm a compulsive overeater. So happy to be here. Thank you to the speakers. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.
I came into program in 1985 and have learned a lot about myself in that time. And when I came in, there were a lot of rules, a lot of tools. Do them, you know, and so I learned to. And they, you know, I said, you really. You don't know how you think. So you just have to go ahead and just do what they tell you to do. Okay. Okay. Which I did. Which I don't do today.
I. What I be. What happened to me is that I. And I went down to, like, £90. And I loved it. I thought it was wonderful.
I have learned that I'm an addict. I learned that I got a very sick mind, that addiction is a mental disorder.
I learned that a lot. But having known that, even years ago, I still didn't get the whole picture, you know? So progress. Stop. Perfection. I don't give away my meals today. My food plan, it's rare.
And I changed sponsors, and my one sponsor that I had for years, we were such good friends that we never even talked about food anymore. So I really had to shake it up. I had to get more honest with myself. That's the biggest message that being honest. I finally, I said, I'm not giving away my food plan because if I want to change, I get crazy. And I don't, I change it anyway. But what I do is I don't tell you about it. So, I mean, I had learned to be dishonest when I was a kid, was very strict in school, very strict at home. So if I was going to do it my way, I'm just going to withhold information. So I said, I'm going to be honest. And even to me today, even now, if I do something with food that I know is not really kosher, I tell myself in the moment, I'm not going to say anything. This doesn't count, you know? And in the morning, I do. I do, because I have to. Oh, thank you I had so much more to say. Anyway, anyway, so what I've come to learn. And I stayed in away all the time, but a lot of it was stepping back. But I did learn that I am going to have to. If this is going to be a life thing for me, I am going to have to know my own program. It can't be what somebody gives me. It has to be. So over the years, I have fallen on my face so many times and learned I can't do that. I can't. So I've gotten to that point where my program is mine.
I used to put skull and crossbones on foods and I was told that it was very uncomfortable eating with me.
But now you might be able to. I can, I can't do it. It's my pro. I can't. This body can't do that. You know, even now I can go to the store and buy something maybe rarely, but I still do it with rice cakes or something of double a multiple package. I'm going to put it into individual packets and I do that, you know, because I, I'm better with portion control. Okay. And, and, and then within a couple of days I'm eating a couple of them, not just one. So I got honest about that. So I'm still learning. I'm, I'm a work in progress, but honesty is cornerstone of my program. Thank you.
[00:44:27] Speaker C: Hi everyone. I'm Charlene. I'm a compulsive eater.
Hi. And I'm a relapse survivor. And I say that, I've been saying that for many years.
Where is the timer? Oh, thank you.
When I first came into program, I attended my very first OA meeting in 1980. And back then I knew nothing of a 12 step program. And it took me many years to learn what a 12 step program was. And thank you God, to OA that it taught me that. And thank you, God. That was really the only physical addiction that I had other than smoking. And I did put that down shortly before I came into program. So my first experiences with OA meetings back then, and I say only, and I'm sorry for saying only needed to lose £50 when I first came in. And I came in after all the pay and ways and all the commercial plans, I came in with the idea this has got to work. I've seen somebody that I work with lose £100. This is definitely got to work. So I went for the diet, you know, and after a couple of weeks a sponsor got me. You know, she, she approached me and was willing to sponsor me. I spoke with her for about nine months, and I lost the £50. And I thought, aren't I awesome? You know, aren't I just amazing that I lost this £50? And I went off on my own and situations. My husband retired, we were in Florida. We came back to New England, and I took my will back, although I didn't know that's what I was doing. You know, after one year in program on that pink cloud, I went into a relapse that spiraled and got worse and worse and worse. And it got worse because the rooms back then, then in the north of Boston area. Thank you.
North of Boston area were, I hate to use the word strict, but they were very, you know, not what I would call warm and fuzzy, you know, And I could never do it right. Talking about progress, not perfection, I could not do it right. So that relapse led me to gain the 50 pounds plus 40 on top. So, I mean, I was 90 pounds heavier at that point. And after eight years of that relapse, I got a second chance, you know, I got a second chance at recovery. I accepted this program for what it was. I needed to work the steps. I needed to trust in my higher power. I always had a higher power, and I believed in that progress, not perfection. And I have two bracelets on my arm. One says, life's tough, but so am I. And the other one says, I'm perfectly imperfect. And that's what makes me think of this topic. So I'm so grateful to the speakers today, and you both were amazing. And I'm sorry I didn't. I came in too late to catch your name.
[00:47:37] Speaker D: Maggie.
[00:47:37] Speaker C: Maggie. Thank you so much. And Scott, thank you so much for your shares today. I appreciate it. Thank you.
[00:47:53] Speaker F: Hi, I'm Chuck. Compulsive, overeater and an addict in all my affairs.
I'm also a human being, which means I'm going to screw things up.
I heard something very early in program related to this, and it said, if you're building a wall and you've gotten a quarter of the way through it, and the end that you working on falls apart, you don't knock down the whole wall. You just start rebuilding.
And that stuck with me. And there's just no way to do this perfectly.
I can't. Some of you probably could, but it ain't happening. And if you, for those of you who aren't Masons, just related to your own job, you.
Something screws up, you have to keep going. Otherwise you don't earn a paycheck and you can't get the food that you don't want to eat.
So I drove a truck for a million years. If I ran into a detour, I didn't call my boss and say, I'm coming back. You know, we'll call it a day. I just found a way around it. And when I've slipped in program, I just remember I get mad at myself like all the other human beings. And then I remember I'm gonna screw up. It's. It's natural. And I just try to go on, move on to the next thing. And I found that the people who do that in this program tend to do all right.
The people that.
I don't know how to put it, but the people that slip and keep sliding and think there's no way out have problems. There is a way out. Just keep going, Put your head down, keep going. I wanted a curse, but just, it's the only way for me.
And I've seen that it works for other people. So don't worry about failing on it on any given day or any given minute, because it's bound to happen.
This is not like any other addiction.
We got to face our, our drug three times a day at least, or whatever we decide we're going to do. Nobody else has to do that. The rest of them can say, I don't need it.
So I think it's a little harder for us and we need to be a little easier on ourselves. So that's all I got to say. Thank you.
[00:50:53] Speaker G: Thank you so much. I'm Sheila, compulsive overreader. And thank you everybody for being here with the energy and the life of hearing the wisdom in this room. It's amazing. I came, you know, recently someone said in another meeting, when you listen, you learn. When you talk, you only say what you know. Well, I'll say what I know, but I love listening to all of you. I came in here in 1992. I've been in program that long, and I've been abstinent that long. I've been blessed with the right kind of people around me, with a sponsor who said, you can make mistakes, you don't have to be perfect. I came in here and she's as easygoing and as wonderful and as accepting of me, who came in here thinking there was no way I could ever meet anybody's expectation. I weighed 250 pounds. I don't know how I got there. I was weighing, gaining 15 pounds a year and 75 pounds over a five year period until I got into these rooms. I had tried so many things. Diet pills was my drug of choice. And from the time I was 13, my mother let me know that I was pretty much not perfect. So we'll get you to the diet doctor, and if you can only be a size 10 cheerleader, you'll be perfect. If you only can get straight as, you'll be perfect. And when I got three as and two Bs, my mother told me she couldn't hold her head up. When those are the kinds of things. Me being the oldest of five, I was taking care of four other children, my two brothers and my two sisters, and trying to look perfect on the outside. And there was so much shame in the house. And then I came here, hung around these rooms for a couple years, and someone said she would be my sponsor. And she just took me in and said she loves me like a child. She loves me like. Thank you. Like, every way. And so I learned in here that there's no such thing as perfection. There never will be. We are all perfectly imperfect. And I say that to my granddaughter, Sadie. I say, sadie, you know, we're all perfectly imperfect. And she says, but, Bobby, I am perfect to you.
And I have learned so much in this program about sharpening, taking my sharpened edges and becoming smooth like a rock that gets pummeled all around and softened.
I am more of the person that my higher power wants me to be. But I know that it's so important for me to say that my sponsor cuts me slack and says, relax, Sheila, it's okay. Your dinner was okay. It was a moderate meal. You didn't do anything wrong.
Stop beating yourself up. And that's all I want to end with. And today I maintain a weight loss of about 120 pounds for almost 31 and a half, almost 32 years. And I love you all. Thank you.
[00:54:08] Speaker D: We probably have time for one more share.
[00:54:12] Speaker B: Okay. Okay.
[00:54:19] Speaker H: Hi, everybody. I'm Pat and I'm a compulsive overeater.
[00:54:22] Speaker D: Hi, Pat.
[00:54:22] Speaker H: Thank you, Maggie and Scott. And this is a person who doesn't want to share, but knows it's important to share. So that's why I'm here. And Maggie, I could relate to so much of what you said, and especially in your childhood and the things that you shared. And, you know, I'm only in this. I'm only. I'm in this program since February, and I had one little mess up since February, and it was a battle of the grapes. And now I've been abstinent since FOR oh, about 120 days, I guess. And the struggle I'm having is with, you know, progress, not perfection. And that's why I came in here, because it was just. It's like I'm trying to sabotage myself. You know, I look at my food, and I send my food to my sponsor every day, and she doesn't write back. You know, it was a C or D or anymore. She doesn't market. She doesn't question it. She just. We go along. And when I struggle with something, she comes back and she says, all right, let's talk about it. We did this morning at breakfast. We had a nice conversation about something I'm struggling with. And, you know, if I want to. I want to believe in myself, that I can do this, but there's this inner voice that keeps telling me, you can't do this. You can't do this. I've been in the beverage fellowship for 15 years this month, and I did that, and I did that perfectly well, and I had no problem with putting down the beverage. But now it's the food. And my sponsor keeps saying, why are you being so hard on yourself? You're doing fine. Your food is okay.
I just can't get that into my thick head. It's like there's just, you know, the good, good angel and the bad, the devil on my shoulder. And I want to believe I'm doing good. And that's why I came here this weekend, because I figured a good weekend of a good dose of OA would help me with my program. And it certainly has. It's given me what I need. I just need some more push, but I'm done. I don't need the extra minute. Thank you, everybody.
[00:56:35] Speaker B: Okay. That's all the time we have for sharing. Thank you for attending the workshop, and with all those who care to please join me in a serenity prayer.
God. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen. Thank you.
[00:57:14] Speaker A: Scott.
[00:57:15] Speaker B: It.
