2024 Body Image Relationships and Sexuality

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Okay, welcome everyone. The topic of this workshop is body image, relationships and sexuality. I'm Kara, compulsive overeater, recovering bulimic and sugar addict. Joining me today is Jackie. We will have up to 20 minutes to share and then the room will be opened up for three minute pitches. Let's say the serenity prayer again. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. I start every qualification with that prayer to remind myself that these are God's words and not mine. I am not here to entertain you. I am here to just share my experience, strength and hope with you. And you know, no matter how many times I give a workshop on this topic, I still have to remind myself, Cara, body image is not what you look like. Body image is really about three one, how you see yourself. Two, how you think you ought to look. Three, how you wish to be seen by others. Body image is not what you look like to do with your personal relationship with yourself, with your body. And that includes your thoughts, your beliefs, your actions, your perceptions, your feelings. Us are at war with our bodies and the soul sickness seems to win an awful lot of battles. I don't know about the rest of you, but I was battling an awful lot. The problem wasn't my body, it's how I think about my body. And over time my self talk, mostly negative and critical comments, advanced and assaulted my mind, carving pathways in my brain that just got stuck there. Now some of you don't even know what a record is, but remember when it used to like skip and just keep going and going. That's what these thoughts are like in my mind. I struggled with body image and body dysmorphia for most of my life. As far back as I can remember, I've been unhappy with my size and shape. I don't ever remember having a normal, normal, normal relationship with food. I have a friend in program that says normal. Normal is the setting on my washing machine. I love anything sugary or starchy and obesity does run in my family. Food was my anti anxiety drug. It was my friend, my companion, my lover. I made food my higher power. Throughout my life I've been a chronic dieter, a yo yo dieter. I've binged, I've purged, I've exercised past the point of exhaustion. I've eaten beyond the past of the beyond the point of fullness where that feeling like your stomach is stretched like a balloon that's going to pop any minute and then gone back for More. I played around with bulimia. I've tried starvation surgery and you know my story. At my heaviest, I was just under 300 pounds. Only 5:1. That is a lot of body mass on a really small frame. I came back to OA. I weighed just under 200 pounds. I was 196 again. Obese. My thinnest got me hospitalized. You know, I've been every weight in between. But I was malnourished regardless of what I weighed. I was starving for something that takeout just cannot provide. What I wanted cannot be found in a box, a bag, a bottle, a batch, a bin or a bucket. What I wanted. Thin and pretty. I used to fantasize about having an attractive body, lots of sex appeal, and a parade of guides who'd notice me, pay attention to me, desire me, love me. I bought the fairy tale that someday my prince would come. Although I grew up in the wake of the women's movement and feminism, I was really raised to be a good girl, to be accommodating and affable. Because you can't be pretty or thin, you better have some other endearing qualities to make people like you. And please know that this is not just limited to women. All genders can be affected by these constructs and social expectations. I was a little girl. I was also emotionally and sexually abused by a caretaker. I believe only reinforced my predisposition to compulsive eating. And to cope with the pain in the way that only a small child can, I turn to food. It does not take a trauma specialist to interpret that my weight gain is a protective measure on my part, is a physical barrier to safeguard me, safeguard my fragile, fractured self. Remember thinking no one will touch me or hurt me again if I stay within the walls of my bedroom, listen to my music, belt out show tunes, read voraciously and eat. Needless to say, I got pretty chubby and I felt lonely most of the time. But I was well read and had a pretty good voice. Again, if you can't be thin or pretty, you might as well be smart and develop talents that make people notice you. I was pretty popular in high school and college, but I didn't really date. I was terrified of intimacy, and despite wishing for a boyfriend, I was maladapted to enter into a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Even at my thinnest, I never wanted anyone to look at my thighs. I was continuously teased about as a kid, let alone have a man look at my ass or my boobs or, dare I say it, my vulva Can I say that here? I just did. I didn't want anybody to touch me or look at me. I wanted them to ogle me from afar. I felt so much shame. Shame from the abuse, shame from being overweight. I wore my disease. I felt humiliated because my shorts used to ride up toward my crotch every time I walked. I was mortified by the way the sweat collected in the folds of my skin. I wanted someone to love me. For the girl I was on the inside was trapped. She was just trapped there in this oversized frame. And I'd go on a diet. Restrict, binge purge. It was a vicious cycle. I'd lose weight, I'd get some attention. That attention that I craved. I'd lose weight. I'd think to myself, how can I make myself so small that I just disappear, that you don't notice me, that you don't touch me, that I just sort of flit about. The attention came, and that was terrifying. I felt too exposed, too vulnerable. I was thin. So instead of running into the arms of a man, I went running back to food. Think about it. Sex. The only other truly intimate bodily function, especially for women, is eating. We take something into our body and bond with it. Am I the only one here who's ever had an orgasm over chocolate bar or all you can eat buffet? Can I get an amen? Thank you. To overeat is anonymous. In my early 20s, just to find the right diet. I was looking for an external solution to an internal problem. And I lost some weight, got that attention. I left program. I had no desire to go to meetings, work the steps, or grow my spirituality. This had nothing to do with God. It was about my size. I honestly thought, I truly, truly believed, as sure as I'm standing here, I believe that if I could just get to my goal weight, every other problem would disappear. And yet every time I got to my goal weight, I get scared or I think, well, I'm normal now. And our keynote talked about that last night. I'm normal, so now I can indulge. But see, I don't just have an eating disorder. I have a living disorder. I have maladaptive coping skills. And I have distorted thinking. And what I didn't know was that my beliefs influenced my behavior with food. Behavior with food influenced my beliefs. [00:11:29] Speaker B: And most of my beliefs were false. [00:11:32] Speaker A: They were completely erroneous. I believe the lies of this disease reproachful, all too convincing ideas that chatter in my head that says, it's hopeless, you'll always be fat. You're ugly. How about this one. You're not good enough. No one will ever love you. I continued to struggle with my weight, depression, food obsession, sugar addiction, body dysmorphia, the shame, intimacy and relationship issues for many, many more years. I'll tell you, that harsh inner critic, that voice just didn't go away. And no lasting change comes from self criticism, self loathing. It just can't. It's not found there. Then, In October of 2008, for reasons I can only explain as a God inspired idea, I decided to come back to oa. I heard about an OA convention that was taking place later in the month in Plymouth, Massachusetts. And what happened that weekend is nothing short of a miracle. Finally admitted my powerlessness over the disease of compulsive eating. And I found hope in the halls of OA. I got abstinence on October 27, 2008. That applause you hear goes to all of you and to my higher power. Today I celebrate 16 years of recovery. 5840 days, one day at a time. Abstinence does not automatically equal acceptance. No mistakes about that. Today I still have to challenge my negative thinking. Just ask my friends and my sponsor. My shortcomings include my limiting beliefs, my people pleasing, my impatience, my perfectionism, my comparing myself to others. There's a writer who calls the process of recovery a salvage operation. And I couldn't agree more. I am trying to salvage my humanity. I am recovering or restoring a more balanced perception of myself. And OA gave me the opportunity to seek out a higher power who accepts me, protects me, heals me and loves me. I never saw myself as beautiful and I seldom believed that I was worthy of love. I did not know the truth, not see myself the way God saw me or the way you saw me. The fellowships all of you, accept me. Celebrate me. Celebrate me. Just being Cara is enough. Don't judge my excess skin. Feel special when I'm with you. Changing my body image, fostering healthy relationships and embracing my sexuality involved an attitude adjustment, not an appearance adjustment. It meant adopting a design for living that helped me feel at home in my own skin rather than feeling separated from my own body. Knowing when I felt hungry was novel to me. Understanding when I was angry, lonely, tired and even sexy. Say I have a peaceful relationship with my food and my body. And my appearance is not responsible for what happens to me in life. And I am not measured by my dress size nor is my identity validated by a number on the scale. This morning, as I was praying and I was getting ready, I was looking at the silver streaks in my hair and the lines on my face and my excess sagging skin. It's okay, because, you know, fashion magazines, and maybe the world at large may view me as old or ugly or outdated, but I know that every scar, every stretch mark the story. And my story is one of healing and recovery by way of the 12 steps of overeaters Anonymous. And I want that to be yours, too. I want to close by reading a familiar excerpt from an article that appeared in the September October 1977 issue of Lifelines. Eaters Anonymous extends to all of you the gift of acceptance. No matter who you are, where you come from, or where you are heading, you are welcome here. No matter what you have done or failed to do, what you have felt or haven't felt, where you have slept or with whom, who. Who you have loved or hated, you may be sure of our acceptance. We accept you as you are, not as you would be if you could melt yourself and mold yourself and shape yourself into what other people think you should be. Only you can decide what you want to be. We will help you work for the goals you set. And when you are successful, we will rejoice with you. And when you slip, we will tell you that you are not failures just because sometimes we fail. And we'll hold out our arms in love and stand beside you as you pull yourself back up and walk on again to where you are heading. You'll never have to cry alone again, unless you choose to. Sometimes we fail to be all that we should be. And sometimes we aren't there to give you all you need from us. Accept our imperfection, too. Love us in return and help us in our sometimes failings. That's what we are in oa. Imperfect but trying. Let's rejoice together in our effort and in the assurance that we can have a home if we want one. Welcome to oa. Welcome home. [00:19:16] Speaker C: Hi, everybody. Hi. So my name's Jackie. I just hugged Cara and I was like, I love that you said you were not here for entertainment. I said I'm like a walking cartoon. So thank you so much, Mr. Steve. So I'm going to break it up for myself. I'm going to try to do 5 minutes on body image, 5 minutes on relationships, 5. 5 minutes on sexuality, and 5 minutes on my God. Hello, I'm Jackie A. I'm about to be 37. I always tell people I'm pushing 40. In fact, I was 34 twice. I didn't know. I'm always, like, trying to get to the Next year. And I want to live to 100. It's my goal, so I'm going to get there. I before program have always, I don't want to say battled with dysmorphia. I would say I embraced dysmorphia. I am 5 foot 2 and a half. I wore boots today, but I have leggings on that are tie dye sports ones underneath here. And I slept in my pajamas. So right after this I can go exercise because I wasn't sure if I wanted to be like my normal self on a weekend or like my dressed up self. And I was like I could do both. And that's how my brain works. And that's how my brain works about my body. When I was younger, I was very thin, I was a bean pole and I was tiny. And so I am one of the shortest people. [00:20:46] Speaker A: We're all short. [00:20:47] Speaker C: And my mom said it's family and somewhat on my dad. And part of being neurodivergent is that I can't really tell my body from where the wall is. I walk into walls. I'm a terrible parker. So if I think I see you, I think we're the same height because we can make eye contact. Like that's how my brain works. So I didn't really put two and two together that people were bigger than me. I didn't know about petite sizes Till I was 22 years old. I thought everybody was short or tall. Like it didn't make sense to me. I was younger. I did what boys did. I played football when I was 11. My mom, my stepfather started coaching football when I was 8 years old. And my mom said, you're too light. And they said, if you can put 30 pounds on tonight, you can play football. This week I opened the fridge, I was like, I can do this. I did it. I probably gained like 3. And my mom said, you can try cheerleading for two years. If you still want to do football, then you can do football. So backtrack a little bit. I did gymnastics when I was four. I did tap dancing when I was five. By the way, gymnastics ended for me because again, body dyspraxia. I tried to do a forward flip because you know other people can do forward flip, roll and then go jump on the trampoline. I, I thought I could do it all at once. And you can't do that as a four year old when you don't know how to dive. And I dove straight into the metal bar and fractured my skull. So that's my brain. If my brain Is I can do it. No, not always. Addicts. Mine, right really early. Just the hair. That's my brain. So fast forward. I did dance, I did cheerleading, and I was a flyer because I'm tiny and so people can pick you up and throw you. I. I loved it. It was fun. Stand still, do this. [00:22:48] Speaker A: This is fun. [00:22:48] Speaker C: During life, it's like tree pose. I'm like, oh, my God, I can do this. I played football before puberty, and I didn't have boobs right now. And it was a blast because I don't really feel pain the way that most people would feel pain. I'm under sensitized, and so getting hit for me, really hurt the way that it would hurt other people. My wrists are very weak, so that hurt when they got jammed. But in terms of getting knocked boxed, no. I'm a child abuse survivor, and so my dad used to think that it was fun to give me hugs, punch me, and roll me over his back, and knock the wind out of me. So that sucks. But it's really good for football because when you get knocked down, you can just get right back up. And I learned how to do that physically and mentally throughout my life. When I was in eighth grade, I swam. And I'm very, very grateful for middle school because anything I learned how to do in middle school, my body committed to learning how to do. I learned how to swim, I learned how to stand, I learned how to block, and I loved it. And in high school, I did track for one season. I'm very slow. I did it because I just wanted to be part of the team. I was that person who got the point just for being on the team. And then it came time for summer track, and I have heat exhaustion. I got a heat stroke once, and so we were running up a hill, and I said, fuck this, and I quit. It was hot. It wasn't winter anymore. I was like, I'm done. And I did play club sports after that. [00:24:33] Speaker A: Thank you. [00:24:34] Speaker C: Okay, I'm trying to. My compulsive eating really didn't take off until college. I didn't really notice the start that I was eating my feelings. I was more of an orthorexic, like a person who would hyperfixate or more like afib. I didn't like my food to touch, so I didn't eat a lot. But then I started to eat my feelings after I got out of it, though, in a domestic violence relationship. And then after, when I was in undergrad, and like we've heard, there was a credible speaker I heard one time she said anything that came out of a bottle, a bag, or blue jeans, that's what she did. And I was like, oh, yeah, that's me, that's me. Blue jeans are athletic. And so I started to then care what my body looked like because I was always told, you're good, but you're second fast. When it came to relationships, I was always, would you go out with me to the dance? If Theresa says no, would you? And that happened seven times in seventh grade and in eighth grade. Seven different people, exact same words. Theresa was adorable, but we were both kind of like normal. And my body image insecurities had to do a lot with smell. I grew up in poverty. I didn't understand that you're really supposed to use, like, bleach on your clothes. My mom did the laundry for everybody. My shirt smelled, my shoes like it was. Didn't understand until, honest to God, I was like, in my 20s, you're supposed to throw out shirts. Even if they're clean, they still hold body odor. So when I started working, my step work, I really had to turn over a lot of my skin issues, my endocrine issues, and not just bodies. I tell people all the time I'm acting adorable, but I don't have cute people's privileges when it comes to smell. I do not have cute smell people privileges. I smell like a hockey player's pad or lacrosse player. If you've ever smelt that foul stench from the hallway away. Chicken noodle soup concentrated out of the metal can, the aluminum and all, or like straight up belt. Like, it's not pretty. So I take showers. I spend $14 on my deodorant. Constantly wet, wiping and changing my outfit because hamster feet is real. So that is part of my body image. It's not just how I look, but also how you see me and how close you want to be near me. When it came to relationships, I have been the most adorable to the least. Like, no, we should stick a dog on her because she's so ugly. To a smoke show to everybody wants to Jackie, you name it. And today I just kind of look at it like, do I love myself? Do I want to take off my clothes? And can I remember? Like, the body does what the body does. Because I forgot how to have sex after being three years abstinent that I literally had a beautiful man in front of me that was my partner and I forgot how to have sex. Like, I was like this. I was like, okay, body, do what the body does. Because I had Blocked out so much in my life. I honestly don't like my vajayjay. I love her, but I don't like her. My boss one time and I were talking about the queer gender community, and I'm part of it. And I said, I think. Sorry, every man here, I think penises are. I think they're ugly, but I equally think that vaginas are just as good. Like, we have hairy holes. Like, why? Like, there's plenty other things nature could have done. Like, everybody else's is cute. Why does mine have to look like that? Like, I don't understand. So other than brace it, I just kind of, like, ignore it. Like, I have to clean you. You are what you are. You do what you do. And that's how I. That's how I talk about it myself. And so my boss and I were having a clinical discussion one day, and he's like, what would you rather have? And I was like, barbie parts. I was like, I don't know how to tell you. That's my relationship. I don't need to have breasts unless I want to, like, pierce them. But my nose ring comes out and, you know, it's uncomfortable and it rips out. So I'm not giving milk to anybody. They're cool, but they get cold and they poke places. So, like, I'm like, all right, they're cool. But that's the relationship I have with my body. Is it's functional? Is it adorable? Can I dress it up? Sure. But really, at the end of the day, I just want to play with it. Like, I want to go hiking. I want to go. Feel like I could do a cartwheel like a kid. And when I'm in total neutral neutrality with not just my food, but with myself, I feel glorious. I feel like a little kid who's, like, rolling around the grass and doesn't know that there's ticks outside, because I did that, too. I was covered in ticks twice in my life. Like, 100. Because I'm really good at army crawling. I'm really good. And thank you. So that's when it comes to my body. And today I can tell you any time. I just thank God for my body. I thank God that I'm not bleeding rapidly out of my body. I thank God that I can tell somebody I have to use the bathroom versus just, like, shitting myself somewhere. I can tell my best friend when I pee myself in my snowsuit because I got too cold and I couldn't unzip my snowsuit fast enough to get inside my house last night, year down my block, and I don't have to be afraid of what happens to my body anymore when it comes to relationships. Like I did say I am a survivor sometimes. I said that you don't always. I tell my clients I'm a social worker and I say that you don't always learn how to bake a cake. Sometimes you learn how to not bake a cake first. And that's what was my. I had both role models growing up of what healthy relationships look like in unhealthy relationships. I can tell you that working in the field and having a lot, a lot of outside help has really taught me what it means to feel safe, to feel loved, to feel honored, and to feel nurtured. I'm grateful for the love of program that we also practice that in almost all of our affairs. And when we don't, we call each other out on it. I'm grateful that every single day my God tests me how to have a relationship. So on the neurodivergence scale, they say some things that are not malicious, but they come out really damn hard. And I have to go, did you mean that? And they go, no. And I go, okay, let's revisit that because it hurts. It hurts to hear another woman talk. And then when you try to ask them, how do you find me attractive? They find me attractive, but they don't know how to put it to words. And. And so there's different things I still work through when it comes to sexuality. I thought I was. I always joke around. I make a really bad lesbian. I tried. I dressed like, kind of like gender neutral a lot. I thought my life would be easier not having to explain myself to men. I identify within the queer community. I can't do it because I don't like to blindness. So it wouldn't have lasted long in the community. And I did try to date women and babes. And I found out that like, this is who I'm attracted to. I'm attracted to men on the outside who still act like women on the inside. And that's where I feel most comfortable. I have absolutely underscored myself thanking God for my sponsors that I've had throughout the years that have had blended programs. And when I did my inventories, I had to do outside program help. Through them, I have put myself in unsafe situations with alcohol. I have put myself in submissive situations that I wish I could take back. And at the same time, I don't because they've helped me help other people. And I'm grateful. I have an incredible provider outside of here who's also a sex therapist. That helps when a therapist is one and so I can bring. She's very supportive of my OA program and she's very, very helpful to me in understanding what's healthy and what's not healthy. I've had a lot, a lot of forgiveness from myself because of the fourth and the fifth step. And anytime that I need to, I'm not afraid to do a 10 step. I'm not afraid to share them, I'm not afraid to own them and I'm not afraid to succeed in them and thank God for that. So I'm very, very blessed that my higher power is. I've learned this year one of my 11 step train, I'm on an 11 step train and one of my fellow treasures, she's double my age, she's absolutely freaking stunning. And she said to me one time, she goes, when I was talking about my God and she goes, your God is neglectful, it's not borderline abusive. And I was so shocked, I was like, my God's amazing. And she's like, no, your God would put you through that like even now. And it hit me and I was like, well in program we hear your God is a loving parent and they're cool. But my God always put me. Well, I put myself in some life and death situations. I like to go hiking and again, I'm not the best judge of weather body. I forget that I'm not a 6 foot 5 man until I get off the trail and it's nighttime and I'm like, oh crap, I'm short. I'm short and I'm a woman but I have a pit bull. She's gorgeous. And so I have to think sometimes what happens is I ask my God. [00:34:15] Speaker A: Thank you. [00:34:16] Speaker C: When I'm in danger and I have to rely on God. I almost purposely put myself in these situations that it's like you have no other choice but to rely on God because you're, you're not going to get out of there unless you do. And that's what she was really talking about. And my grandma is this beautiful person she passed on. She's my first parent to go, my closest angel to stay. And a lot of you have heard this before but my grandma was the type of person who would watch you under the swimming pool out and you're like, she's like howl, alright, get ready, we're gonna go out. That was my grandma. And it was, I was taught of like you can do this. I believe in you. You have to learn. And I'll be right here to support you and we can celebrate after. But what my 11 step partner was trying to tell me is that God could be, you know, a little bit more hands on. And I was like, oh, like instruction. So I didn't realize that I was making my higher power to be an intergenerational trauma survivor from an Eastern European background for a long time thought that this is what we're supposed to do is run like a matriarch with limited resources. Oops, you know, learn more when you actually learn more and you listen more. So my God's been a little bit more instructional and I asked them more and I asked them in my two way prayers. I found out yesterday, coolest thing, there's a woman and I who have been texting back and forth. We met yesterday. Well, actually I hugged her before I knew her name. I just said, oh, we're at a convention, hugged her. She goes, jackie, you know, I get Kel my size, never mind somebody's face to their little tiny picture. So turns out that we both use oracle cards when we do our two way prayer. Well, not only do we use oracle cards when we do our two way prayer, we use the same ones. I've never met anybody who does that. And that's how I often talk to my God about how I'm supposed to take care of my body, how I'm supposed to take care of my relationship. I have my in tunement with my goddess, with my not rejecting my femininity is I make sure purposely when I do two way prayers to talk to goddesses. And that's how I learned about what fierce women are that aren't again, not intentionally neglectful, but didn't know because they were so stretched so thin. I've learned how to say no a lot and roll, strain and be like, that's not my problem. I don't have to take that on so I could learn how to take care of myself. I sleep better, I eat better, I take my medications, I go on meetings and you all are in my fanny pack or in my headphones because I'm not taking away my body and being a fucking nasty social worker anymore that hates myself because I'm putting out for everybody else and not taking care of myself. Or I'm exercising in the middle of the night so I can look good for my partner because I don't have any other time. [00:37:28] Speaker D: I'm not doing it. [00:37:30] Speaker C: I love myself, my higher power loves me. I Appreciate that. They make me like a cartoon character brought to 3D, like Roger Rabbit. And every day I just. I get out of the woods or I go, I walk and I go. Thank you, God. Please don't let me freeze to death, bleed to death, overheat. Please don't let me get shot, arrested. And please. Look, seriously, if you walk on private property, it can happen. And please don't separate me from my dog. And a lot of times I go hiking by myself and I get to tell a partner about that. A lot of times I go paddling by myself and I get to tell somebody about that. Because that's my time with God. That's how I feel. God is out in nature and hearing them all through you and hearing it through song and seeing God in my black Chevy Silverado, because that's how we have our Morse code. And we talk to each other and I ask them questions and they wink back when they look at me. But I'm so grateful today for this program. I'm grateful for every single tool. I'm grateful for you all. And I wish you all nothing back but the physical, emotional, spiritual memory of this program. And with that, I passed. Oh, I passed. But I'm still staying on stage. Different character. Oh, okay. So now it's your all's turn. Please, please, please. We have. This is a 58 minute walk and then there is closing. So we started at about 8:31. So we have about. [00:39:02] Speaker A: Let's say we have. [00:39:04] Speaker C: I'm terrible at math. Everybody, 13 minutes. We have 13 minutes. So what is that, like three shares? No, six shares. [00:39:11] Speaker A: Four. [00:39:11] Speaker C: Four shares. [00:39:12] Speaker E: Wow. [00:39:12] Speaker C: See, math, not my strong suit. We have four shares, four people. Run, run, run, walk. Raise your hand and get here. Go ahead. And then we'll close with the oa. Prom is at the two minute marker. [00:39:27] Speaker A: Okay. [00:39:28] Speaker C: So please make sure you're speaking into the mic. I know a lot of people like to do this or do this. And then we can't hear you. [00:39:35] Speaker A: Okay. [00:39:36] Speaker C: Thank you so much. Morning. [00:39:39] Speaker D: Hi, I'm Sonya. Grateful, recovered, completely compulsive, overeater. And I came into OA about two. Hi. Came into OA two and a half years ago. And I'm just so grateful to be here. And I'm grateful for this particular workshop. I was adopted from Nicaragua when I was 4 months old into a project. And everybody in my family has light hair and light eyes. And I really struggled with my physical appearance because here's this little brown girl with dark hair. And I felt very, very different. Not only that I developed very early. By the time I was 12, I had breasts. It was just so embarrassing. And I used food to comfort myself and I gained weight and I was chubby until the age of 19. I discovered restricting and I lost a lot of weight by starving myself and then discovered, oh, I can get attention from people now that I'm thin. And I used that. I misused my power and my sexuality in my 20s and I was in two addictive relationships and I never was faithful to either one of them. And at that time I was drinking alcoholically and I was going out to clubs and, you know, just crazy stuff. And thank you, God, I found AA and through Alcoholics Anonymous, my healing started. I'm 18 years sober. But I found out in recovery I was also a compulsive overeater. I was obsessed with being thin. I idolized being thin. And thank God, because of oa, I am healing. I'm a breast cancer survivor. I lost 18 inches of my hair, my eyelashes. But you know what? Today I can say, I love myself. I'm a beloved child of God and you. And my self worth is not in my physical appearance. I am a creative, beautiful person with God given gifts. And so I'm confident today because I. [00:42:03] Speaker A: Have a higher power. [00:42:05] Speaker D: And I'm humbled because I know I am not running the show. And I'm also happily married to a man that loves me very dearly and I've been faithful to him for 18 years. [00:42:21] Speaker F: Hi, everyone. Lindsay P. Recovered for today in New York. Thank you. Hi. Thank you so much for your shares. You took rigorous honesty to the next level and I appreciated it. Kara, when you said, we have a home if we want, one thought of the fact that I have failed my body and other, but my body has never failed me and it's just so beautiful. I want to be rigorously honest and say that last Thursday I sat in the Botox chair and got my forehead full of Botox because I wanted you all to like me. And that's just an example of me thinking about how to get approval from others. And I was more excited about that than I was that today's my one year abstinence date, October 27th. And I thought more about the Botox than I did about that. And it just shows that you said, imperfect but trying. And that's going to be my tombstone, imperfect but trying. And you know, even though I have failed my body, I've gone through so much and my body gave birth to a beautiful daughter who's so perfect and has manipulated my own body for others to like me. I gave a perfect little baby girl eight years ago, almost eight years ago. And if that's all my body ever did, then God gave me the best gift I could ever give, ever. Get and give. And with that I'll tap. Thank you. [00:43:59] Speaker C: Good morning, I'm Nancy. [00:44:00] Speaker B: I'm a compulsive eater from Rhode Island. I lost about 140 pounds, about half my body weight when I was up close to 300. But I want to say that for me, my compulsive overeating, my food addiction, I'm a binge restrictor in relationships and has definitely affected my relationships. I've never been married. I've had a couple of significant relationships, but a lot of them, this is what, this is how it goes for me. My poor addiction is my compulsive overeating. But my sex and love issues are like layered right under them. And so whenever I would lose a lot of weight, what was down underneath would explode up. And I would be out there looking for some somebody, just somebody that I had to give somebody. And you know, and it wouldn't take long before I was physically involved, having sex, you know, feeling miserable and you know, a lot of it just didn't work right. So around 1991, I just said I'm done, I'm done with all this. So now fast forward and I've had stable recovery now in weight loss for about seven years. I've reset abstinence a couple of times because I had broke my abstinence. Thank God they weren't long relapses. So now I'm 75 years old. And about five years ago, my libido began to woo. So now I feel like I have a libido of a 25 year old. And it's not easy dating. [00:45:33] Speaker A: I have to say I did some. [00:45:34] Speaker B: Dating and recovery Last year I actually dated about eight men. So part of the good news and the bad news is not one, I did not even kiss one of those men because none of them appealed to me. I had a few dates, met some nice men, but it just didn't seem to work. So I've taken a break and I might start again. You know, I've had a thing called a dating plan. It's like a food plan. [00:45:59] Speaker A: It's very particular. [00:46:01] Speaker B: One minute left. [00:46:02] Speaker C: Thank you. [00:46:02] Speaker B: I mean, it's like the first date, you don't spend any more than two hours, you don't kiss for so many dates, all this stuff. [00:46:08] Speaker C: But it was very helpful. [00:46:12] Speaker B: I guess what I Want to share too is some hope of some other women I know in recovery. I know of four women. One of them is two years older than me. She's a recovery sister I have in Florida and. And she started in this program too. She's a food addict, compulsive eater and is now having a nice relationship with a nice guy. I sponsored two women over the past six to eight months who have gone out and done some dating and recovery and found relationships. And they're not easy, but. And then another good friend of mine for about a year has been in a relationship. So it gives me hope a lot of time. So that's it. I'm done. [00:47:09] Speaker F: Morning. [00:47:10] Speaker E: My name is Laureen Debut and I am a compulsive overeater and addicted to many, many products, especially sugar. Hi, everyone, and I'm so pleased to be here today. I go to a regular body image meeting on Friday evenings. That has been helpful. And there's one story in there which I will end with that will be helpful to hopefully others. I've had quite a history in that my dad, I was the third daughter born to him, and he was really looking for another son, but the son didn't happen. It was me. And so he didn't even want to come to the hospital to see. See me, my mom, and he ignored me. A lot of times if I went to kiss him good night, he would turn his head. So I felt a bit neglected, kind of abused a bit by my dad. I was sexually molested by my uncle. And when I told my mother, she said, he's just an old man. Just ignore him. So, you know, I wasn't getting what I needed at the time. And unfortunately I was the type of person that needed a lot of nurturing and I didn't get that. And I started as a young child, a fat baby with a healthy baby. I don't think so. I had baby fat till I was a teenager. I don't think so. My mom took me to a gynecologist because I was late menstruating. And he said, you'll have no problem having children. You're just going to have a hard time getting a man to get you that way. You know how those things stay with you. You know, I was like 12, 14 years old when that was told to me. You know, it's very difficult, very difficult. When I went to nursing school, the nurse had to weigh me in every week. And I was told if that doesn't happen today, I was told if I gained any weight, I'd have to leave. So I didn't. But, boy, I had quite an experience in nursing school because I was known as Scoop. Anytime anybody needed a date for a friend, they'd call Laureen and she'd go out on the date and I'd have a great time. So I really was quite promiscuous during that time of my life. What I'll end with, I've had the same husband for 48 years, but I'll tell tell you, he was the best man at my first wedding. Go figure that. [00:50:04] Speaker G: Not a lot of burning going on. I'm Steve, compulsive eater. And just so you don't think men never have body image issues, I thought I'd sit up here and take one for the Y chromosome or something. I'm not sure. And if you haven't heard me introduce myself before, I'm Stevie and oh. Amen. Don't eat from a garbage can under my will. Weigh and measure my fill. I'm Stevie. Oh, Aman. Ta da. In any event, I really want to be here, here at the convention. And really, it largely came down to a body image issue. It's the reality of it. You know, I am at a healthy weight. My doctor's happy with it, but I'm not. I would like to be about 10 to 20 pounds lighter than I am. Nothing wrong with what I am. But what I want is not what I have, which is that song for a long time. But doing better today, I'm almost glad I came. And I want to put a pitch in for marrying within the program. [00:51:19] Speaker C: Because. [00:51:19] Speaker G: Then you don't have to explain the excess skin. And on that note, I'll pass. [00:51:34] Speaker C: Marlene. I hurt her body, but your image looks great. Okay, everybody, thank you so much. Now, we owe this to you. Thank you for attending today. I asked for permission if I could do something different than the away promise or the serenity prayer because my God's funky and they like to do stuffy stuff. That's random. So I wanted to ask to do the set aside prayer. Is anybody opposed to that? Speak now. No, I'm just kidding. Okay. All right. I today, please set aside everything I think I know about you, everything I think I know about myself, everything I think I know about others, and everything I think I know about my own recovery. So that way I may have an open mind and a new experience to all these things. [00:52:36] Speaker A: Please help me see the truth. Amen. [00:52:40] Speaker C: Thank you. Thank you, Carl. It. [00:53:15] Speaker A: Ra.