[00:00:01] Speaker A: So let's start with the Serenity Prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Okay, the topic of this workshop is traditions, the principles which foster carrying the message.
So my name is Eileen M. I'm a compulsory overeater. I'm sitting here with Debbie H. We are the co leaders for this meeting. Each of us will have up to 20 minutes to speak. And then we will open the room for shares up to three minutes.
This session is being recorded.
Okay. When the workshop ends, there will be three minute pitches from the floor. Okay, who's the timer, please?
[00:01:03] Speaker B: We're working on it.
[00:01:04] Speaker A: Okay. The timer will then signal when you.
[00:01:07] Speaker C: Have one minute left.
[00:01:08] Speaker A: I'm sorry, can we have somebody to volunteer? All right, do you mind getting in the front row?
[00:01:12] Speaker D: Great.
[00:01:13] Speaker A: And then we'll try and get you a book with the numbers but it.
[00:01:17] Speaker C: Thank you.
[00:01:17] Speaker A: Rock the roll.
[00:01:18] Speaker C: Thank you. Do you want any five minute warning? A three minute warning when she has five minutes left. What? I hand said five and one.
[00:01:28] Speaker A: Five. Yes. Only five. Five and one. Yeah. Thank you.
Okay, so to get started again. My name is Eileen M.
I am a compulsive overeater. I'm living in a recovered state. I not cured.
I've been in OA for 35 years.
And the first three years of OA I was entirely abstinent for three years. And after the three years was up, I relapsed into restricting and started struggling. And I struggled for 27 years in OA with trying to get abstinent for a period of time. And I did not find the solution until 2016. So I've been entirely abstinent since 2016 in May.
And so I like the title. I was really attracted to this title because I think that the traditions are really a vital part of the program and I think they're often overlooked.
So, you know, we're looking at traditions or principles that carry the message. So what is the message? So the message, you know, is that we have a solution, that this problem can be solved and, you know, we can recover through entire abstinence and practice of the 12 steps and the 12 traditions of over years. Anonymous.
Okay, so you know what I was thinking about the traditions and the principles is they are all interconnected and notice they're all linked and they're all spiritual. And I think that the underlying principle in all of them is humility.
We get to practice humility. So I thought what I'd do Is I'd share on a couple traditions and also share my personal experiences with them.
You know, just things I've learned by participating in the group conscience and the tradition meetings. And, you know, I have a meeting that I go to regularly, and we take five minutes out of the meeting at the beginning to share or discuss a tradition question. So we take it out of the book, and it's kind of like a group inventory, more or less.
And it's really helpful for people to understand what the traditions are, what they mean, and to see if we're adhering to them, to see if our group is healthy. I have seen groups that do not follow the traditions, and they have fallen apart and no longer exist. I've also seen groups that do not have a group conscience, and they don't do well either.
So I want to start out with tradition one, which is, if you have your book, it's on page 91. But it's our common welfare should come first. Personal recovery depends upon unity. So, you know, unity. I like to think of the word unity as harmony. And like, one of the things we did in our group back home, I live in Lebanon, and we started limiting the shares to three minutes. So, like, what we're doing now, we're timing, you know, we're timing the shares so that everyone gets a chance to speak who wants to.
And, you know, the decisions that we make in the group depend on what's good, what's the best thing for the greatest number.
And, you know, I was thinking back to an experience when I was in early recovery. I went to my first group conscience meeting, and, you know, I had this great idea, and I thought, this is great. You know, everybody's going to love it. And one person, one person, you know, I put it out there, and one person disagreed, and then someone else disagreed, and, you know, pretty soon it was voted down. Like, nobody wanted to do my idea. And I remember feeling kind of hurt by that and that. Disappointed. I thought, oh, you know, because I thought, you know, this is the best idea. And, you know, what I learned from that experience was that the decision is not about me. It's not about getting what I want. It's about what's best for the group. And my sponsor has this.
She has this saying that she encourages me to speak up in these business meetings, and she'll say, I love it. She says, you know, you might not get your way, but you'll get your say. I love that that she says that. And, you know, I've noticed. Or actually, there are three Obstacles to unity that I've learned. And they are gossip, dominance and discussion of religion.
So, you know, we get to have our own perception of a higher power. I love that about the program.
And, you know, no member should direct others or assume authority or give advice.
So that kind of ties in with tradition two, which is trust. So tradition two, I wanted to read out of the book on page 99.
That is okay. It says, tradition two is for our group purpose. There is but one ultimate authority. A loving God is he. He may express himself from a group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants. They do not govern. So the principle of that is trust.
I love how the group conscience works. It says when faced with a problem or challenge, we ask for God's guidance to show us what is best for the group as a whole. Then we discuss the matter carefully, we vote on alternatives, and we trust that the decision we reach is our higher power's will.
I just love that. I love how problems get solved in the group conscience. I mean, most of the time they do. If they don't, we can bring them to the inner group level.
And you know, the fact is, like, you know, I've gone to a lot of group consciousness and there's a lot of discussion. And what's nice sometimes is that sometimes an idea will come from somebody and no one ever thought of it. And I really love that, how that happens.
So what else? So the other thing is, you know, I'm used to. I grew up in a family where one person was making all the decisions whether or not it was good for other people or not. And you know, that happens a lot in like power structures. So I love how everybody gets a voice in the group conscience. You know, we listen to everyone and. Okay, so then, let's see. I have the second part of tradition too is our leaders are but trusted servants. They do not govern. So I love the fact that, you know, we don't tell other people how to do their job.
You know, we let them do their job. Basically. We trust them to use their skills for our best interest.
And I gotta say, you know, what's really vital we heard about this last night, was the rotation of service.
And I wanted to share an example of this back home in one of my face to face meetings. This happened years ago, but we had someone who wanted to be the treasurer and we gave him that position. And he, I believe he was an accountant because he had these, he produced these very elaborate Excel spreadsheets. And so if you think back of, you know, the 80s and 90s when we didn't have Excel, people were just using, you know, like a ledger or pen and paper to record the income for the group. And he produced these sheets, and it looked very professional, which, you know, is great.
But he kind of held on to that position for seven years. And what happened was, you know, every year we kept revisiting that, and people kind of were saying, hey, we need to rotate leadership. And because he was so good at what he did, people just assumed that, hey, he's doing a great job. We'll let him keep doing it. And what happened as a result of that was that he burned out and he left the program, and he never came back. So that was over 10 years ago. He hasn't been back. And I think people might have thought that maybe he was like an authority because he was so good at his job. And I did hear a couple of members say that they felt they couldn't do as good a job as he did, so they weren't stepping up to do it. So, you know, that could be a real problem in the groups.
I also wanted to talk about traditional Lebanon, because the principle is anonymity.
And, you know, anonymity means to be one among many. It's not better than, it's not less than. And, you know, it's principles about personalities. I just love that because, you know, I don't know, the world just doesn't. Doesn't practice that at all.
And, you know, the reason that AA originally adopted that concept of anonymity was because, you know, if they had people that were celebrities that were in the program and, you know, if you have somebody who's a celebrity or someone you're putting on a pedestal, and that person fails, they relapse. Is that. That might be a reflection on AA or oa, that, oh, OA doesn't work because so and so, you know, relapsed.
So I like the fact that, you know, there's no person in authority. You know, we're all equal. You know, we might be professionals outside, but we kind of leave our profession. You know, we leave our profession at the door, basically. And it's, you know, it's really easy to put people on a pedestal. I mean, I have done that myself, and it's easy to be intimidated by people.
But, you know, just having this, you know, remembering that everybody's equal in the fellowship. I recently heard someone say that they were going to a meeting, and they said, oh, I'm going to Joe's meeting.
And I'm like, what?
Because, you know, and I just. I really wanted to correct that person and say, it's not Joe's meeting. It's a. It's a meeting that Joe attends, you know, because it's really, you know, not one person's meeting. There's nobody. There's no face of OA or there's no voice and there's no spokesperson. You know, I really like that. I also hear people or members in oa a lot of times they'll say that they're afraid to speak on large meetings. And, you know, we're encouraged to speak because the thing is, is that, you know, it's the message, it's not the messenger. And I never know where the message that I need to hear that day is going to come from.
So let's see what the other thing I had was. I think, in my personal opinion, one of the things that really helps the success of this program and carrying the message is that we don't tell people what to do. We tell them what we did. I think that's a very powerful thing, is we share our experience, strength, and hope. And our job as sponsors is not to tell people what to do. You know, we don't give them advice because I know. I know personally, like, I am not an expert. I'm not an expert on food plans. I'm not a nutritionist. I'm not a therapist. I'm not a doctor, you know, And I'm just one among many. Another fellow compulsive overeater. So with that, I'm going to pass. I think my time might be up. I'm not sure, but that's what I have. So thank you.
[00:12:47] Speaker E: Okay, I'll come and do my thing.
[00:12:51] Speaker D: Thank you.
Thank you.
[00:13:03] Speaker C: You know, this is going to spill.
[00:13:14] Speaker F: Back up.
[00:13:14] Speaker C: Quarter.
I'm ready. You ready?
[00:13:18] Speaker D: Yep.
[00:13:19] Speaker C: Good afternoon. Hi, Debbie. Grateful compulsive overeater.
[00:13:24] Speaker A: Hi, Debbie.
[00:13:25] Speaker C: Student of the game.
When I saw this, first of all, I didn't sign up. I waited. I let everyone have a chance.
I'm a traditions junkie. I've taken classes, I've taken workshops because the steps kept me from suicide. The traditions kept me from homicide.
Even today, today alone, I've had a very trying day. And we'll get to it. The name of this should never have been what it is. The name of this should have been relationships, getting along with people.
How to get. How to be a better friend, family member or co worker.
Steps. The 12 steps.
Love God, clean house, Help others.
There you go. Tradition's a little more difficult. And a lot of people Shy away. But I'm going to take the traditions.
First of all, I was taught whenever you read a tradition, instead of every group ought it should be, I make it personal to you.
So the first tradition talks about unity. If I could have done this by myself, I would not have been on every pay and weight, every exercise plan, everything that was possible. But I went to them and I listened and I lost the weight. And as soon as I walked out the door, it was over. Because I never equated the eating with the problems, with the food with the symptoms.
So we have to stay together. We may not like each other. You can't like everybody. It's not possible. In fact, I bring this and this has nothing to do with the traditions. Whatever I say, please don't believe it because I said it. Please believe it because it's in the book again. I was a teacher, New York City school teacher for 35 years. So I notate I Bibliography Everything from this book. February 20th. What we have to offer is a fellowship in which we can find the healing power of love. When I ended the 12 step program, I was broken, bleeding, discouraged, debauched and hating myself. Then came the first rays of hope. We will love you till you can love yourself.
However, my health as a person has much improved. The love I received from mothers in OA and from my higher power has healed me. I have learned to accept myself without judgment, not so much.
And other OA members accept me. I too can now reach out to Overeaters Anonymous people and to pass the love that they have given to me to to every newcomer. We say, we will love you until you can love yourself.
We will treat you with love, dignity and grace and respect until you can do that for yourself. And if you don't have it, just keep faking it till you make it. That's what keeps us together.
Fun fact of the day.
Tradition two is longer in the short form than it is in the long form. If you read the AA Big Book, it says our groups are but trusted servants.
In the short form, it says our groups are but trusted servants. They do not govern. I would like to be the queen. I know what's best for everybody, but I don't have that. I have held several service positions and people have. They don't have to listen to a damn work I say I can suggest.
But in the end, and in my family, in my family, I have a wonderful relationship with my son, my daughter in law, my two grandchildren. Do I have a difference of opinion with them? You betcha do I Think I know better. You betcha. Do they have to listen to anything I say? Not. No way. Not know how.
Tradition 3. You're a member when you say you are. I got married. I stayed a member of that group with my husband for 20 years until I said, this is not good. I had the right to leave. You're a member when you say you are. If you're coming in, you're not sure.
These people don't have the same things that I do. I am terminally unique.
Hang out. Hang out. Because if you say you're a member, then you belong here.
We shouldn't have favorites, but I do. 4, 7 and 10. Those are my favorite. It says every. I'm reading it, but I don't really need it. Every OGUI group should be autonomous except in matters affecting OA or as a whole.
Everybody has a right to do what they want. As an adult, until you're 18, you gotta listen to your parents.
My son lived with me till he was about 24. From the time he was 20 years old and it was just him and me. I can't tell him he can't stay out all night.
He doesn't have. We just went there. He don't have to listen. He's a member of my family, but he don't have to listen. But I said to him, because this is as my family as a whole, if you're not coming home tonight, I'd like to lock the screen doors. Because I'm by myself. I like to lock the doors and bolt the screen doors. I didn't think that that was fair. Unfair. That was the family as a whole. Because that was keeping me safe and he was keeping me safe. So that's an example of as a whole.
It killed me when he parked the car in the driveway. Why are you parking the car in the driveway? That was not as a whole that I could be upset about. But every group, every person has a right to be autonomous.
Every their parents, they have two little girls who I idolize. If I knew being a grandparent was so much fun, I would have skipped right over to that part.
And I have ways that I think they should do it and they don't. And even the six year old and the three year old Grandma. No, that's not how we do it.
I have to listen.
Our primary purpose is to carry the message to those who still suffer.
I would like to stand outside and stop everybody I walk by that I. That I think is necessary to come in the room. Can't do that.
You never Know when somebody's going to be ready for it. We can plant the seed. My primary purpose is to carry the message. I can only carry the message that I have. And I always say this, to carry the message, you have to hear the message. You hear the message at a meeting at your intergroup level, at your region level this weekend. If you've attended any of these, you've heard the message that the people have to have to share at region assemblies and at World Service. When you go there, you hear the message of OA in your family. You hear the message of the people in your group. If somebody in your family is unhappy, they should be comfortable enough to say, ma, I need some help. Aunt, could you help me? I really don't know what to do. And there's a difference between saying you should you need to or saying this is how I did it. Perhaps this will work for you.
We say what works for us. We don't tell you how to do it. We tell what works for us. We're not giving it. Well, when I was 12 years old, I did this. No.
Whether it's your family, whether it's the group, your primary purpose is to be of service, of maximum usefulness to the people around you, whether or not you like them. And if you don't, that's even harder.
Okay. 6.
Every OA group would never endorse finance, lend the OA name to any related facility or outside enterprise. Less problems of money, property or prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
I'm not going to tell you what gym I belong to, what nutritionist I go to, what charities I give to.
That's an outside issue. And when you discuss that in a meeting, those are outside issues.
I know we have our meeting in a church. Let's take up a collection and give the pastor something for Christmas. Wrong answer. You go to a church and you pay rent.
That's when you never make donations. Because what if somebody there is not of that denomination?
We stay out of politics, we stay out of religion. Because everything else is an outside issue. What shoes you wear, who you did your hair with.
Outside issues. We're here to learn and share and love each other so that we can get better.
7 Every 08 group ought to be fully self declining outside contributions. I'm guilty of that one. I enable my son.
He's an only child. I took him away from his father. I felt guilty. So the bank of mom was always opened.
Did I hurt him in some way? Yeah.
As much as every group, people didn't understand when we had Covid that recovery was free, but Zoom was not.
I had to tell people numbers of times. You could sit at home, you could be there, don't need to put your shoes on. But somebody is paying for that Zoom room. Somebody is paying for cyber insurance. And now that we're back, somebody has to pay liability insurance recovery is always free, but everything else has a cost.
Let other people do for themselves what they can for themselves.
That doesn't mean we don't give birthday presents or Christmas presents. Or that I don't have a 529 for my kids, my grandchildren.
529 is a college fund they set up when they both outside issue. Never mind. You're right.
OA should remain forever non professional. But our service centers may employ special workers.
We hire an accountant. There is no way that Region 6 has somebody to do the taxes. We need a real accountant. I am the Region 6 treasurer. In the last two years, I have become a front guy. I've gone from being a New York City school teacher, gym teacher, to doing Excel spreadsheets and QuickBooks. I learned. But for the tough stuff, we have to hire somebody. The printed material. Nobody sat and did all the printed material. The banners. We hire outside people to do these things.
Some of us need extra help. A therapist, a doctor to take care of health issues, a dentist to fix our teeth.
We need to take care of ourselves. I cannot do my own teeth. I just not that talented. I cannot replace any of my own body parts. A little squeamish, can't do that. But we can hire the help we need within the fellowship 9.
We never be organized, but we may create service boards or committees responsible to those that they serve.
In every household, somebody has a chore.
That's what you're responsible for. Somebody takes out the garbage, Somebody loads the dishwasher, somebody changes the sheet. It's the same thing in here. You think this happened overnight? These people who are working on these committees have been meeting.
[00:25:43] Speaker D: Well.
[00:25:43] Speaker C: We met every week for the last couple of weeks. Once a month we have a decoration committee, we have a program committee, we have a speaker committee, we have a service committee because one person just can't do it themselves.
This is my busy day because I go around as the treasurer, I collect all the money and make sure it got to the bank today.
Deep breath.
10.
OA has no outside opinions on outside issues. Hence the OA name ought never be drawn into public controversy. I have lots of opinions. If you sit down with me for five minutes, I'll give you half the opinions. If you want to know what to do and how to do it, I'll gladly tell you, but I don't. The word should is a very judgmental word.
Should means I know better than you.
Should means this is the way you do it because you're not doing it good enough because I'm telling you it should be done differently. I have learned to take the word should unless it refers to myself out again from my own experience, I get along so much better with my son and daughter in law because I don't should them and I don't tell. I stop my son, I still have to tell him a little bit. I they should be doing this. This is the way I did it. It should be done that way. You're not raising your children. It has to be done this way. They don't want to hear it.
Think of yourself when you were having kids, when you had a young family, did you want people telling you what to do and how to do it? Some of us learned by mistake. Again, married the wrong man. Took me a while to get out of that.
Do we all have opinions? Yes. I would be lying if I were to tell you that you have to love everybody here this weekend. You can't. We have different backgrounds, we have different home states, we have different teams we root for, we have different religions, but we keep at with that.
Our public relations policy depends upon attraction rather than promotion. Maintain personal anonymity. If you hear something so profound you need to repeat it, just do not put a name or a hairdo to it.
Half of the things that I have ever heard I repeat, I just don't. Somebody just came up to me before, said you said something once a long time ago. What did you mean? And then we had to Jade J A D E I never have to justify, apologize, defend or explain.
If I'm doing something for me, if I pull a chair out from under you, then I do have to. But my actions, if they're not hurting anyone else, are my actions. And I do not have to justify or explain why I put tinsel in my hair today.
I wanted it. I wanted to do that. Makes me feel good.
Oh, and anonymity.
For some of us, and many of us, this is the last and only safe place that you could share and open your heart with the confidence that when you leave here, nobody's putting a billboard out that says Debbie said she doesn't like what I say here should safely remain here. You've all been to meetings where people share horrible stories that happened to them as A child.
Some people come from very bad beginnings, and it's to their credit that they've gotten this far.
They don't want to hear that repeated.
I'm not a doctor. I can't tell you how to do it. I may say, when I hear somebody say something to me, I. Yeah, I think that's an issue for your doctor. I think you may need to speak to a therapist. I'm not equipped to handle that. Gym teacher. I could teach you how to play ball. That's what I'm equipped to.
I learned a long time ago.
How important is it?
I'm getting along with every. How important is it? Is it kind? Is it right? Is it necessary?
Does it have to be said by me? Does it have to be said by me now?
Does it even have to be said by me? If I can't answer all of those things, then I keep my mouth shut.
How important is it? Do I go out of my way to make somebody feel badly by telling them, ooh, that's really ugly.
It's not kind. It may not be right, and it's certainly not necessary.
Did it have to be said?
If you're stealing money, I might have to say, I think you made a mistake. I think you put the wrong thing in.
Does it have to be said? Does it have to be said by me? And does it have to be said by me now?
I tried very hard to live by these things because I learned them here.
Somewhere along the line. I missed the manual for living.
Somewhere along the line, I didn't get the instruction book, but I Learned it here.
12.
I lost 12.
Spirituality. That one, I lost 12.
I do service. Why do I do service? It keeps me coming back. It keeps me clean. Example.
I'm up on the eighth floor.
We did some. My roommate and I, we did something that was impossible because they told us. We locked ourselves out of the room.
So the first thing, I went up and I came down, I said, my keys don't work. I went up, I came down. Could I have a set that worked, please? The third time, they send the engineer up, and she said, I can't get you in the room. I have to do something. So there was a meeting around this. I said, okay, it's out of my control.
I came back. She let me in the room. She gave me two new sets of keys.
Then I went to the bank. I come back, you got it? I'm not getting in.
So now they're coming back upstairs.
And now I need to have the battery on the door changed. I Could have cursed. I could have given them my opinion of the whole situation. I could have been impatient.
I could have. I got a sharp tongue. I was a teenage girl once.
You know, from being a teenage girl, we all know them. I chose not to because these women who were helping me today, they did not do this on purpose. They did not do this to me. And she was funny. And we figured out I was up and down seven times today.
After the third time, I just. I was really.
I came in, there was a meeting going back here. I just sat. I sat. I closed my eyes and I listened. I sat and I listened and I closed my eyes because I needed strength.
I got that strength from all of you here today.
I got that strength because I didn't act out. I always say this and somewhat will agree. I was a New York City school teacher. I can curse in several languages.
I chose, and I say this as a gym teacher, there were a lot of things that passed by me.
You taught me how to have my hair done. You taught me how to have my nails done. You taught me to go out and buy dresses. You taught me to behave like a lady. You taught me not to give my opinion every time I wanted to open my mouth and blurt something out. You taught me restraint of tongue and pen. You taught me to take a deep breath and think about it and then think about it some more. You taught me all of these things from the steps and the traditions.
So when you leave here, go through the second half of the book that some of you never wanted to look at and remind yourself that it's not every OA book, every OA thing, it's you.
We need each other.
We depend on each other.
If we can't stay together, then we're going to fall apart. And we know what. We know how. We did it on our own.
Again, thank you for teaching me how to be a lady. And with that, I'm going to pass. And I stand because there were times when I couldn't. So I always stand.
They got what they got from you.
[00:35:04] Speaker E: And now I think it's time to ask. It's time for people to get up and share.
[00:35:08] Speaker C: Okay?
[00:35:08] Speaker E: But I need to be recorded down.
[00:35:09] Speaker C: There at this time. Now, if you would like to come up and share your experience, strength and hope with the traditions, please line up over here for three minute shares. If you choose not to leave, give your name. Because this is being recorded. Don't give your name. It's an anonymous program. You never have to give your name. When somebody says, what's your name? You didn't tell us. You don't have to.
3 minutes. Shares with your time, please. Thank you.
[00:35:39] Speaker F: Hi, I'm Kat, and I'm just like you.
It was so wonderful to hear the both of you. I related, and I was back there, like, nodding the whole time.
I'm Kat. I'm from Merrimack, New Hampshire.
I used. I don't know what I'm going to say, but I knew I needed to get up here so that I could go sit down and relax.
I used to go to a meeting, and of course, we think we know better than others all the time, right.
I used to go to a meeting, and every person that got up and spoke or actually was in a circle, so we. We didn't have to get up. But every person that spoke said, thank you so much for your share.
Every single person would say, thank you.
[00:36:26] Speaker C: So much for your share. Thank you so much.
[00:36:28] Speaker F: It was so nice to hear you.
[00:36:29] Speaker C: Whatever.
[00:36:30] Speaker F: And I'm thinking to myself, if they could just not say that, I could learn so much more things.
And then I'm like, who am I to say that? Because it's wonderful that these people even showed up to cheer the meeting and do the timing and things, because if they didn't show up, we wouldn't have a meeting.
[00:36:53] Speaker G: Right.
What else do I want to say? Sorry.
[00:37:06] Speaker F: A grateful heart never yearns for more of anything.
[00:37:09] Speaker G: More food, more raffle tickets.
[00:37:16] Speaker H: I think that's all I got.
[00:37:17] Speaker B: Thanks.
[00:37:27] Speaker H: Hi, I'm Deb, and I'm a food addict.
And my first home group, Friday night, Cherry Hill Hospital, New Jersey, which is a very big, active meeting.
They were really into service. Like, if you showed up three weeks in a row, they gave you a job.
And so that was my home group for a number of years. And so I started hanging out and doing service. And they had so much service. Like, there were 12 people at the business meeting on a regular basis once a month. So there was a thing about. We had a really large meeting with a very diverse group, and there was a thing about, like, how to end the meeting. And some people. This was a long time ago. Some people didn't want to say the Lord's Prayer at the end. We had people who were different religions and they wouldn't participate. And at the end, like, we had 100 people at this meeting on a regular basis. It was standing room only. We'd all link up in a huge circle and hold hands and say the prayer. And when we said the Lord's Prayer, and it was always a Leader's choice. Those people wouldn't participate. So somebody brought it up to change the format, that maybe we shouldn't do that. Maybe we should only say the Serenity Prayer because everybody felt comfortable with that and everybody would participate. When we said the Serenity Prayer and it went around and around, a lot of the old timers were like, no.
[00:38:54] Speaker D: We have to say this Lord's Prayer.
[00:38:56] Speaker H: It's canon, you know, it's, you know, big book thumpers.
And it came back around to what's best for the group. We do what's best for the group.
And that end of the meeting, it was very powerful, it was very spiritual and we wanted everybody to participate. So we decided that we would only end with the Serenity Prayer. We changed the format and it just made it so much better and easier and everybody felt welcome. And so that's the way it has to be. And that really helped me understand, you know, everything should be about the benefit of the group. And, you know, we're here for each other. We're all in the lifeboat, so everybody's got to be here together.
Thanks for letting me share.
[00:39:53] Speaker G: Hi, I'm Tricia Grayfield, compulsory from Portland, Maine.
The one thing I always was told is I didn't play well with other children.
You know what that meant. I was in Catholic school. I was voted most argumentative.
You know what that meant. So I come into fellowship and nobody's in charge. Oh, subversive, submissive here, you know. And my new sponsor really knew. She had her hands full and she said, we are going to work with the traditions. And I thought, well, she said, what were your family traditions?
I said, well, don't get mad, get even. And better to be pissed off than pissed on. And she said, well, those are great spiritual values.
[00:40:40] Speaker E: Okay, all right.
[00:40:42] Speaker G: So I've come a long ways and thank goodness it's taken decades, taken decades. And I am now we've opened a new meeting in Portland, an in person meeting, live at 5 and I'm dead at 10. But it's a lot of newcomers and it's very difficult to play that piece of the old timer and not tell them everything to do and step back. And then, you know, you're not supposed to tell them what to do, but if you know that this is, there's some guidance, some guidance somewhere. So now our current thing is, do we mention food at the meeting?
This has been a. This is. And it's beginning to explode into one of those me and they.
And people have gone out to AA and they do mention Specific liver. And I'm like, I have my own opinion. Okay, but what's the well for the group here? And we're having the best thing we've ever done is our business meetings. You can bring up something at the new as new business, we do not vote on it until the next month. Because what was happening in the old days, someone would come on from who nowhere. I think we should put the chairs in a circle. Oh, yes, let's put the chair. So now we've got that little safeguard in our group. So the buzz is this whole month we're going to be talking about do we allow to mention specific foods at our meetings. It would be very interesting. And I am learning to play well with other children. I even went to the world service and behaved myself. I did a lot of crossword puzzles, but I managed. This program has taught me everything. And I have a family today that I never thought I would have.
I've made amends by, you know, grit and bear and God's help. And I love the traditions. They keep me alive and they keep my recovery alive and they keep us alive. And the last thing I want to say is I heard before we take the I in illness and change it to the we in wellness. And that's what I really want, is that we sense. Because I never felt that in other areas of my life. So thank you for giving me that.
[00:43:04] Speaker I: Hi, I'm Carol Ann, a grateful, compulsible reader. Thank you so much for sharing on this topic. When I came into program, I got the sense a lot of people didn't like the traditions. Like, sometimes they would leave when we got to study that if it was going to be that part of the meeting or sometimes they didn't come. So I really didn't think I'd like to learn them either until I heard somebody that would share about the traditions in a way that, well, I wanted to learn them like that. So I've been studying them for years with her.
I led this last year. It was called Secrets to Successful Living and the room was packed. It was very interesting how wording can change people's, you know, what they're going to get out of it. But to share some examples of what I mean tradition five about purpose, that helps me all the time.
A great example is a phone call with my adult son. He loves it when I say, like, okay, this is what we're going to talk about because we can talk about a lot of stuff and then we forget why we even called and stuff like that. And when people Want to call with a program? I sometimes try to, you know, the purpose of a program call is to, you know, talk about whatever is in your life, but also to find the solution to stay in our literature. That's the purpose. Right. So purpose. I mean, I didn't think, you know, just how I can apply it in my life is amazing. What really was interesting to me was when I studied Tradition seven, I always thought that was just about putting money in the basket at the meeting. But I'm mainly right now using the.08, 12 and 12, which just talks about the very different. The A and 12 and 12. They have really different styles, but it's the principal's responsibility. So it's not just money. They talk about service. And I was the type that did so much service, I didn't give anybody else a chance to do service. And I learned that, like, it's a balance. It's like everybody has a responsibility with money and with time.
And it was when I was working that I became financially independent. So it really helped me, like credit card debt and getting an apartment, all that. And then finally, I'm on step. I'm on 10 now, right? That's about having no opinion on outside issues. This is really hard. This is hard.
I look at it like this. I've been told, like, I'm in a hula hoop. Anything outside is an outside issue in my life. So when something happens at work, I almost. One day I said something to somebody else. And as soon as I said it, because I'm aware now I'm reading this, I'm like, carol Ann has no opinions on outside issues. So hence, Carol Ann's name cannot be drawn into public controversy. And I don't want that to happen at work. It's bad enough it's going to happen in my family, but not at work. And then I got stuff with adult kids, like, I need to stay in my hula hoop. I don't try this. I encourage you. These traditions change your life in more ways than you can imagine. Thank you so much for the topic.
[00:46:30] Speaker D: Hi, I'm Anna. Very grateful, compulsive eater, abstinent, one day at a time. And, yeah, I'm one of those people who always has to stand up for the traditions.
And sometimes I can get people really pissed with you because people want to do it their way.
And I make sure if I can get up and say, excuse me, that's a break of a tradition, that I can back it up.
And I. You know, there have been times where people argue with me And I would get a book and I'd read it.
[00:47:05] Speaker E: Right out of the book where it.
[00:47:06] Speaker D: Says that what they were doing or wanted, didn't want to do or, you.
[00:47:10] Speaker C: Know.
[00:47:12] Speaker D: But why do I do it? You know, like sometimes people want to read from a non OA approved book or something and they're great books. I have lots of books that aren't OA approved that I use personally at home. For me, I do not share about them at meetings. I do not share about them with my sponsees. Why? Because my job as a member of my group and my job as a sponsor is to share program, pure program. And even though I might use some of this other stuff, I'm not going to share a watered down version because our version works really well.
So let's not water it down with outside issues. You know, in this time of year, nobody, you know, we know, it's on the TV all the time. More than you want.
You know why?
Because I like you. I love every single one of you. But if we got into talking politics or something, suddenly there is like, who cares?
[00:48:25] Speaker C: I don't care.
[00:48:26] Speaker D: I don't have to agree with everything you say. There was a time at a meeting where it was brought up at a group conscience that we should change the wording of just the today. They didn't like the word luck. I will take my luck as it comes and fit myself to it. They didn't like luck and they wanted to change it to blessings.
And obviously I was very against that. First because you're messing with the literature and second, there's a big difference between luck and blessings. The group voted to go with this very strong voiced person and most people who when they were leaded would read it the right way.
And once that person disappeared, she moved away. I think everybody went back. You know, sometimes you gotta just go stand up for what's right and sometimes it's like just ask, okay, God, what am I supposed to do here? And then do the next right thing. Thanks for letting me share.
[00:49:30] Speaker I: Thank you.
[00:49:37] Speaker E: Do I have time? Hi Linda. Compulsive eater, food addict.
So a meeting I go to and I'm from Canada, Waterloo, Ontario. And our one meeting became a permanent virtual meeting. And we do a tradition a month and we read from the right now we're on the spiritual path. But two of the ladies at the meeting decided to do the tradition study. And I don't know where they got it, but it must have
[email protected] because there's a format use the workbook for the 12 traditions. And there's instructions on what to do. So I'm going through this and I have read the traditions because I've been here for 42 years and there were no traditions the first, I think 10 years or more, but I'm not sure. I haven't got the books here to look at. But we follow the 08, 1, 2 and 12. And I was taught by my first sponsor to do things a certain way. And so I already did. I always did it that way. And I correct people because for a while I was pretty good at correcting people.
But interestingly enough, that lady was right. It was in the traditions.
So I really, really. And the best one was what was referenced previously, Tradition seven. I thought it was all about the basket, but it's not. It's about service. It's both financial and giving of service. And the biggest thing I have to say about giving of service is that it gets me out of my own way because I can sit there very quickly and go from very happy to I feel so sorry for myself because of this, this, this and this. So when I'm writing out my gratitudes, sometimes I will write, please help me be of service to others and myself and help me to get done my OA service.
Because I get in my head and I don't get the service done that I need to get done. But it's so important to. The traditions are super important to work together with the 12 steps. And I'm going to go and do that workshop. Well, I'm not going to start it because I want other people to do that only because I start every. I used to start everything in my area. So people need to know how to do it. I won't be here forever, although I may. You never know.
I'm joking. But they need to know how to do it. And I would like to do it again because there's so, so much to learn. And I used to wonder what a book step study was and working the steps. And it ended up being reading the steps. That's what working the steps is. Reading it and reading it, studying the big book, reading it and reading it. Studying the traditions. Keep reading it. And my attitudes about life in general and how I want to be as a person slowly changes after each read. Thank you very much.
[00:52:45] Speaker A: We have about six minutes.
[00:52:46] Speaker E: Yes.
[00:52:48] Speaker A: Anybody else wants to share?
Speaking.
[00:52:58] Speaker B: Donna Compulso Reader When I first started out, no way.
We had a literature table and everything and one lady had put out one little booklet and it was a religious book. And she was an old timer or seasoned member, however you want to call it. And I got into an argument with her and said, that should not be on the literature table. And she said, yes, it should. And I said, no, it shouldn't.
And finally it was taken off.
But in the meantime, I had seen, like a newer member, like in a store. She just came up to me and said, oh, you know, I saw that there. I'm not, you know, I'm not so sure about my belief in God and this and that and something else and blah, blah, blah. So she, you know, just kind of reinforced the idea. It's very dangerous for everybody to bring in any type of religion know as well meaning as it is because, you know, not everybody's beliefs are the same.
So I had that happen. There were a lot of different things throughout the years that, you know, that just happened. But one thing that my sponsor told me is, always go back to the tradition and read it. So you're not like, saying, I just pulled this out of my butt and said, here it is. You know, this is what I believe, and I'm going to push this on you. There's a tradition that backs it up.
There was something else I was going to say.
Oh, one thing that always stuck with me, and I thought this was really good to remember why the traditions were important. Because when I first came in, I didn't think that they were all that important. But somebody had said, the steps are to keep us from killing ourselves and the traditions are to keep us from killing each other.
You know. So it just kind of like stuck in my head and it's like, yes, the traditions are very important because they do.
All kinds of things are happening out there, but they don't need to be brought in here. You know, this is supposed to be a safe place where we can talk about our addiction with food. If we bring in the outside stuff, the outside stuff gets to be too much, and then before you know it, you have people fighting with you. Other, you know, we don't need that either, you know, so I'm, you know, tradition 10 actually is my favorite one because I'm like, with that all the time.
There's somebody in here who knows.
But it's like, I always bring that up at meetings because I'm really protective of newcomers. You know, I want them to have a good, you know, opinion of what's going on with us, that we're here to help each other and we're not for this political organization or this religious group or this or that. Or outside influences and I think Bill W was very very smart when he did these and we adapted them because they're really important they keep us from really hurting each other. You know it's bad enough we hurt ourselves but we don't need to hurt each other.
So with that I'll pass things.
[00:56:16] Speaker C: Last call cuz it says going once, going twice.
I'd like to thank you for all coming today.
Take a deep breath in, let it out, remain calm because there's 200 other people you're going to run into today if nobody told you today they love you, God loves you and I definitely do. And I'd like to end this with the serenity prayer.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference it's been. Have a good evening?
No nice No I want to be.
