2024 OA Steps 1, 2, 3

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Okay, let's begin with the Serenity prayer. Let's do the we version if folks are okay with that. Grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference. Okay, the topic of this workshop is steps 1, 2, and 3. I can't. HP can. I'll let HP. My name is Laura. I'm a food addict. And I'm seated with Madge. And we are co leaders for this meeting. Each of us will have up to 20 minutes to speak. And then we'll open the room for shares for up to three minutes. This session is being recorded. Okay, so then I'm going to share. I'm Laura. I'm a food addict. I qualify to be here and I like to bring my props because selfishly, this helps me remember why I'm here. I'm going to pass my pictures around and remember to speak only when I'm right in front of the microphone. I am a slow learner and a quick forgetter, so it's helpful for me to see why I'm here. And now I'm going to step away from the microphone and show you my pants that I wore when I first came in here. And this is what is so helpful about being face to face. Because we can see the recovery. That's just the physical part. Our topic today is steps one, two, and three. I can't. You can. I'll let you. How many newcomers are here today? Newcomers to oa? All right, welcome. Anybody? Yes. Should I get closer? Is that better? Okay. All right, thank you. Thanks, Barbara, for letting me know coming back. You don't even have to raise your hand if you don't want to. But so the topic today, I'm a big fan of the AA Big Book. And I guess I'll tell you a little bit about myself and my story. I've been coming to OA next. It's been 29 and a half years and I've maintained a 55ish pound weight loss for, I would say, 29 years. You know, 28 and a half. 29 years. And that's a miracle for this food addict because I came out of the womb wanting more. Like I wanted more food, more formula, more whatever I could get my hands on. And as a baby, that was, you know, that was what I could get. And my mother said I was never satisfied. I always wanted more. And, and so that, you know, I'm an equal opportunity addict. I have other symptoms of the disease of fear, doubt and insecurity having money, relationships, et cetera, et cetera. So, anyway, so, yay. So I'm here, and I came in because a therapist had me read the Big Book and because I'm also an alcoholic. And I read it over a weekend, and I said, if you put food everywhere in here that it says alcohol, then that's me. And he said, well, then you need to go to oa. And he and his wife had a friend who had success in oa, you know, had some recovery. And so I was able to meet with her, and she met me at my first meeting. And it was not a meeting that had much in the way of full recovery, you know, because for me, and I share my opinions and my plan and what works for me only, like, it's about the food till it's not about the food. You know, for me today, it's not really about the food anymore, but I know it's still out there knocking on the door, waiting for me. You know, step one, I'm powerless over food, and my life is unmanageable by me. And I, you know, I usually prepare is I take copious notes, and then I don't read them, but I'm going to try and read them a little bit. So some of the things that I learned from the Big Book, step one, the doctor's opinion, and then the chapter after that. I'm powerless over food, and I can't change how it affects me. Like, I tried to change it for many years, try different things. You know, I tried, you know, like it says in the Big Book, you know, drinking only beer or whatever. I tried just eating this or just eating that or sugar free this or sugar free that. When I was in college, I tried making all the food that I ate from scratch without any sugar in it because I read a book, you know, it's not a program book, but I had read a book that talked about sugar and how addictive it is. And, you know, eventually I was back eating sugar, like, maybe, you know, once a month, once a week, every day, and binging again. So I'm powerless over food and those refined carbohydrates, and I can't change how it affects me. The effects of, okay, I'll try that. But I feel like I'm, like, right on top of it. [00:05:05] Speaker B: So. [00:05:06] Speaker A: Okay. All right. Hopefully that's better. Thank you. Okay. Identify as a food addict. I can't quit eating the foods that are triggers for me when I want to. I eat against my will. And as you can see by my pictures, that was Definitely the case. That was the really heavy picture where I had the banner on was surprise 40th birthday party that friends had for me. And that was almost 30 years ago. Oh, my God. Illusion that I am like other people or soon maybe has to be smashed. Like, I need to be honest with myself. What I was doing was not working. And when I met my sponsor and we first started working together, I would say, well, but, but, but why can't I have this or that or the other thing? And I love that word, can't. Like, these choices today, you know, it's not like somebody, you know, threw me down and jammed the food down my throat, you know, and she would say, well, was what you were doing working? And, you know, invariably the answer was, no, it wasn't working. I need to be honest with myself and not have any reservation about my food addiction. When, you know, it talks about, in step one, that man of 30 and how he stopped drinking for 25 years. You know, I couldn't do it for that long. I'm a sugar addict, and I binged on sugar. I tried to be anorexic. I mean, that's how sick my thinking was. Because I thought that was a solution, but that I couldn't. Because, I mean, I could do it for maybe, like, 10 minutes. But for me, I needed to, like, to eat too much. Like, I'm addicted to food. And that was my most common reaction to life was eating. And over short periods of time, I forget, and then I would start up again. And, you know, the thing was, I never really wanted to stop eating the way that I was eating. I just wanted to eat the way I was eating and not suffer the consequences. Not be 55 pounds heavier, not be crazy, just not, you know, suffer the ill effects of that, which rippled out into so many areas of my life. My thinking was kind of crazy. And it talks about, I don't want to see this here, so I don't misquote it on the top of page 35 in the Big book. I feel like this is, like, the crux of everything for me. Okay, what sort of thinking? Oh, actually, no, before that. Because I do believe in the physical allergies that triggers the mental obsession. And yet, before I take the refined carbohydrates into my body, it's my thinking that has gotten me to that point. My thinking tells me, this time it's really going to be different. You know, this time it's really going to be different. So on the top of page 35, it says, so we shall Describe some of the mental states that precede a relapse in into eating. Obviously, this is the crux of the problem. Crux is the decisive or most important part, most important point at issue. So that's the crux of the problem is that the mental lapse that preceding the bite. So I did finally accept that I was not going to be able to eat the way that I had been eating and not suffer the consequences. Mind you, it took me until I was 40 to be able to accept that. Trying it over and over and over again. And I think about like the jaywalker, that story in the Big Book. I just thought that that was so extreme. And I couldn't relate my eating to that. But then when I thought about it, that was what I was doing. I kept doing the same thing over and over and over again, regardless of the consequences, expectant results. And I didn't realize that my food addiction was at the core of many of these other issues in my life. Many other areas where things were not working. And when it talks about Jim and Fred and the dishonesties about. I just thought that I had words with the boss, but nothing serious. I was working for a dealership that I had once owned. I mean, for me, there'd be a lot of resentment under the service there. So have the baffling feature I have the inability to leave it alone. And step one, as I said, I'm powerless over food and my life is unmanageable by me. And then step two came to believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity. And at the end of I'm trying to think on page 43 in the Big Book, at certain times, I have no effective mental defense against the bite. No human being. And that defense must come from a higher power. When step two came to believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity, I felt that I always had a belief in God. But I couldn't imagine that God would be concerned with something as picayune as my food addiction and my weight. I mean, I didn't see that it was an addiction. I thought it was just my weight problem. I thought it was a moral issue because I couldn't stop. I just didn't really understand why should my higher power get involved in that. And what happened for me was I came here with us, that there was success here. You all had tried something that I had never thought of and could not come up with on my own. And so I was able. And I didn't really believe that that was going to Work for me. But I saw that you all believed, and people would say to me, believe that I believe. And that's what finally worked for me. I believe that you believe. And then eventually I believed. And only you, as us, as problem eaters, compulsive overeaters, however, you know, whatever the terminology is that we use to describe ourselves, can tell me your story and can win my confidence. My doctor would say to me, just push yourself away from the table. I love that. You know, my mother would say, you don't want to eat all that, do you? I'm like, yeah. And you know, from that, of course I do. I mean, I want mine and I want yours. And, you know, if there was sweet stuff, I mean, I didn't read any rules and regs here today about not mentioning foods by name. Like, if there was, you know, a baked good or something that was really sweet and she would cut it in half or scrape some of the stuff off it, and I would eat that. I would want that. She's like, oh, that's so sweet. That makes me sick. Well, you know, so what? Like I'm just gonna keep eating it? Like that was ever, you know, a deterrent. So, you know, I don't. Again, I don't think I was ever a moderate eater. Like, specifically, my mother said when I was born, she would feed me, keep feeding me formula until it came back out of my mouth. Like, I always wanted more. And so I was not moderate at that age or at any. On page 23, it talks about how the main problem centers in my mind and not in my body. And again, it's that mental lapse, it's that misdirected thinking that happens before I even take from me the refined carbohydrates and into my body. So that's steps one and two. How am I doing for time, Maureen? I mean, oh, darn, that's too bad. All right, I just. I have to share. I have an essential tremor. Runs in the family. I'm nervous like this. It's a good thing there's a podium. I can lean on it because my hands are like, ah, one hand. Anyway, I digress. Okay, so step three. I didn't really understand that what it's asking me to do in step three is to make a decision. And what does that really mean? It doesn't mean that I'm taking any other action yet. It doesn't mean I am writing a fourth step yet. It doesn't mean any of those things. And what making a decision means. I had been listening to an AA speaker was talking about the derivation of decide and how decide comes from the same root word as incision. So it means I'm cutting something away, cutting away an old way of thinking. And I'm putting it aside in favor of a new way of thinking. That's my decision. And I have worked through the steps, all of the steps, in different ways. I had. I'm getting ahead of myself a little bit here. You know, when it talks about on page 60 in the big book, the ABCs, you know, I'm a food addict, and I can't manage my own life. Probably no human power can relieve my food addiction that God could and would if he was fucked. And that I think about after that. It talks about. Thanks, Maureen. It talks about the actor, you know, trying to organize things. And if, you know, if these people would only do what I wanted them to do, my life would be great. And I wouldn't be eating. Everything would be under control. And I needed to quit playing God and practice acceptance around people are who they are. I need to be able to do these things regardless of what's going on in my life. And one of the things I do in the morning, every morning is I do the third step prayer. If anyone wants to join me here with God, I offer myself to Thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy love and Thy way of life. May I do that? Thank you for that. So I have worked through the steps with. In, you know, I don't know if it's okay to mention it here, but in AWOLs, which are closed, committed groups where they're not considered OA meetings because you're taking a commitment to be abstinent when you're in there. I have also worked through the steps, answering questions with my sponsor and had made, you know, my amends and work the latter steps. And then most recently, I've gone through the big Book step study process. So now I am officially a Big Book thumper. But I hope I do it in a nice way. And I just. I have the acceptance today that what I was doing was not working. I am powerless. And I need to be here with us and hear all of us, to hear how other people do it and to be open. And I loved one of the things that Kimberly said last night in the opening was that I pray every day to be Open. The longer I'm here, the less I realize I know and that I be open to my higher power in the form of other people. So I'm so grateful to have the opportunity to share and look forward to hearing from Madge and from others. Thanks. [00:17:37] Speaker C: Hi, everybody. My name is Madge. [00:17:40] Speaker A: I'm a compulsive overeater. [00:17:41] Speaker C: Hard to hear. I gotta fix this a little bit. You could help me, because otherwise they're gonna be bending down a little. [00:17:50] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:17:50] Speaker A: Working, huh? [00:17:52] Speaker C: Oh, wait a minute. [00:17:53] Speaker A: The obvious. [00:17:54] Speaker C: Thank you, Laura. It says here to tell you about myself, some background. I came into OA 1974. I've been here 50 years. [00:18:10] Speaker A: I came here because my sister was. [00:18:12] Speaker C: Getting married and I had to get into a bridesmaid's dress. She never married that guy. But I stayed. So that's what got me here. Like everybody else, I'm gonna lose the weight, and I'm getting out of here. So much for that. I'm a lifer, obviously, and I'm from New York, Westchester County. And when I came, I thought, what are these people talking about? They're out of their minds. But here, obviously, OA was a lot younger than. I didn't get the whole 12 steps. I remember somebody said, you have to do the steps. I said, and I read. I said, okay, I'm done. I didn't know what they were talking about. I had no clue. And then they said, well, we follow the big book. We model ourselves after aa. Offended, I said, are you serious? You really think I do with, you know, I do food like they do alcohol. I completely saw it as a moral thing. I didn't grow up with any alcohol in my family. It was kind of looked at as, you know, not the thing you want to do. So I was like, that's crazy. So everything they threw at me, I threw it back at them. No, that's not what I do. No, that's not me. And I looked around. I was 21, and I said, I'm too young to be here. I'm not like, you know, in my 30s, had a couple of kids. And the weight comes on. I mean, the weight was on. There was no question. In fact, I gained most of my weight in a way. I don't want to tell you that. But I learned how to eat here. I thought I knew how to eat. I learned how to eat here. So I had to really smash a lot of concepts about food, about recovery, about our origin of a 12 step before I could see it for what it really was. Which to Me is the most amazing transformation a human being can go through. And I say that because there are so many theories and philosophies and religions and everything out there that promises transformation. And maybe it worked for them, but none of it worked for me because I was not. To me, it was not holistic enough for me. I needed something that took care of all of me. My spirit, my mind, my body, my emotions. And OA was that for me. It took care of every part of me. It didn't leave anything out. And to me, it spoke to me that way. It wasn't about the food. It wasn't about the spirit only. It wasn't about the emotions only. It was all encompassing. And it did it of people like myself that were going through their own journey. So to me, it was the most perfect society. It answered all the prayers I didn't know I had. I didn't know what was wrong, and I certainly didn't know how to fix it. So anyway, I hung around for about seven years saying, okay, I'll do step one, two, and three. I'm not doing four. I'll do six, seven. Well, I'm not doing. So I just thought, I'm gonna do what I want to do. All right, all right, we'll do the 12 stuff, but I'm not doing this one. I'm not doing that one. Well, it didn't work that way, obviously. So I was a hard win. By time I crossed the line, they were like, oh, my God, we prayed for you, Madge. And I'm like, don't go there, okay? This was not an easy thing for me to accept. Everything inside of me said, you know, I don't want to give up my food. And that was the bottom line. I truly did not want to stop binging. Believed it was. It was. It kept my sanity when life had gotten so bad. It was my secret little devil, you know, I was going to go and do my thing and they'd forgive me anyway, right? They love me. It doesn't matter if I ate. Oh, we love you anyway. Oh, good. I'm going to go back and meeting. So I tried to twist this thing around every which way I could, and yet I could not leave. I knew in my heart this had answered questions. My soul, of my heart, of my mind. It just sting. I'm trying to give you the highlights here because 50 years is a long time. A couple of things over food, absolutely. But that doesn't. That didn't bother me too much. Just like, so everybody's powerless over something so what? Big deal. But what happened was I was working with my sponsor, I had gained weight and looked at me, she goes to me, wanna die? [00:23:05] Speaker B: I'm like, let me get back to you. [00:23:07] Speaker C: I really thought that I was getting, she said to me, I think you're getting depressed. I said, no, no, I don't get depressed. So I wasn't giving anybody an easy time at all. I just thought to myself, maybe she still wants to live. Look what I'm doing to myself. I'm heavier than I've ever been. I'm, you know, you know, my life is going nowhere. I was in a dead end job, I wasn't in a relationship. Living at home, I mean everything that you don't want to be, that's, that was my life. And I'm like, maybe she's right. So she got me thinking and I think I called, I called somebody. I can't remember what the logistics was, but I ended up sitting in front of what I would had been my spiritual advisor for many, many years. And her presence, which I did not expect, in fact I cancelled the appointment three times. I want to go. Well, okay, you want to reschedule? Oh yeah, all right, I'll reschedule. So and I finally sat in front of her and it was. God was saying to me, you are such a hard person, I'm going to have to give you the big guns. Anyway, I sat in front of her and I had an out of body experience and I just felt like God was telling me and I remember complaining to him like, what are you going to do something with this food thing? I can't go on like that. And his words were, come to me with all things great and small. And I thought, well, all right, let's see if it works. So that was my first introduction to being willing, that a higher power could do for me what I could not do for myself. It's probably not a everyday experience, but I learned a lot by the experience that when they say this is a spiritual program, they mean it. This is a spiritual program. Now mine look like that. But there is the educational variety like they say in the big book. There's the kind where you come to believe there's a million. But at the end of the day, I believe if you don't have a higher power, you can't work. This program doesn't matter what it looks like, doesn't matter if yours looks like this and mine looks like that and this happened to you and that didn't happen to you, it doesn't matter. Because you're an individual, and yours is as personal as your fingerprints. Mine looked like this because I thought Guy was saying, you are incredibly hard to deal with. So I'm just going to have to give you this, hit you on the head. But that was the most amazing gift that I had ever received because I could no longer deny that there was a God, that the God was powerful, and that the God loved me. I couldn't deny it anymore. After that, my journey really, really started, and I really. My life turned around in many, many ways. It was my surrender. I no longer wanted to use food to cope life, which is why I use food. I didn't want to cope with life anymore because I was convinced that if I could just go to my higher power, I didn't have to go to food. Very simple. And I did. I had many opportunities to go to food. And I said, no, all right. He said, go to you first. All right, here you go. I'm giving you another chance, you know, to help me out here. Never failed. And that was. So I've been abstinent now for 44 years. And it all started with that experience of feeling my higher power as a personal. Personal experience had nothing to do with anything you read, anything you hear, anything. My own personal experience. And it got me on a journey. Like I said, that changed my life. And other changes in my life happened. You know, I left my job, went back to school, got married, got divorced. That wasn't my favorite part. But that's what happened other things in my life, and I have to say, I used to binge over a bad haircut, and I went through life experiences that I thought would kill me. I turned to God, just like he promised, Come to me with all things great and small. And not only did I get through them, I grew through them. And I really became somebody. I felt, okay, I could trust myself. Now. I'm not going to destroy myself every time something happens. I have a plan. I have people. As long as I'm willing to use everything at my fingertips, I probably have more than most people have. You know, I mean, people have all sorts of struggles, but a fellowship is quite an amazing thing. To be able to call somebody up and just say, look, I want to kill this person. No problem. We all feel like that once in a while. Well, I really don't want to kill them, but I do want to injure them. No problem. You know, the point is, life is life. It sucks sometimes. If you have a plan, have a fellowship, and people that are gracious enough to Take your call. That's an amazing thing, that mental health on the deepest, most profound level. So how much time do I have? Okay, thank you very much. The journey has been quite an experience. If someone said to me, I remember early in recovery, I'd say, I wish I knew why I ate. I just wish I knew why I. I thought if I knew why I ate, I'd stop. No, it doesn't work that way. But when I got abstinent, I said, now I could. I could answer that question. Because you can't answer that question when you're eating, because it's the same brain that's eating. So you're going to ask a mixed up brain a serious question? I don't think so. Then I answered my. I said, okay, why do you ate? Well, now I exactly know why I ate. I grew up in a family where I remember one particular incident. I think it just changed my life. My parents were fighting. I felt very unsafe. I didn't know what I thought was going to happen, but very unsafe. And I had my little pajamas with a little pocket. And I must have saved some part of my dinner. I think it was onions. Why onions? I did get better at that, though. And I started eating it and I thought unconsciously, I connected. I'm feeling fear, I'm feeling anxiety, I'm feeling unsafe. Put something in my mouth and it will all go away. Wow. Wow, that was amazing, wasn't it? But we all figured it out by ourselves in our own little room. Maybe you figured it out with chocolate. I figured it out with onions. And I unconsciously put two and two together. Feeling unsafe, get a little food. Feeling unhappy, get a little food. So it was an unconscious thing, obviously, because someone said to me, why do you eat? I couldn't give him an answer. But unconsciously, something connected and that's how I coped. And I coped for a very long time. And obviously, like everybody else, the weight goes up and down and I starve myself and then I binge. And I don't know why I'm doing this until years go by and I'm in recovery and I see the contract I made with myself. You know, Madge, if life really gets hard, there's always food. I believed it. And I would have gone on to be one of those people with enormous weight because I wouldn't have had any other alternative. I wouldn't have had. You couldn't shame me into losing it. You couldn't bribe me into losing it. You couldn't love me. Nothing was going to work I had this inner contract that says, feel unsafe if you feel unhappy, if you have a disappointment, food will do it. And it does for a little bit of time. And then consciousness takes over, and you say, oh, my God, what have I done to myself and how do I change it? And I did not have answers for that until I came into oa. So, you know, step three really says to turn your will and your life over to the care of God as you understand him. I hated that. I'm not giving my life and my will. Are you serious? No. I have to. So I have to, because I don't know what's good for me. I have so many examples of, well, I know it's good for me, and it's ruined my life. I have so many examples of, I don't want to do that. Made my life better. My last example is this job. Everybody in OA was going into substance abuse counseling. I said, are you serious? I'm not doing that. I'm doing it. And it doesn't matter how I got into it, but I just left after 15 years with the hospital. And sometimes I didn't know if the staff was the patients or, you know, I often said, are they a patient or they other staff? I don't know. But ended up loving it. I don't like to admit that, because I really thought I knew myself. And thank God I left. I left on the good terms. They even wanted me to stay. How does that happen? I don't know. And so it was a blessing in many ways, obviously. Thank you. It was a blessing in many ways, and I found out that I really don't know what's good for me. So if I put God in the driver's seat, maybe he really does. I'm just kind of giving you highlights here. But this program really works in everyday life. And for me, it's always a matter of whenever life gets difficult and left to my own devices, I can do that very well. I don't need any help. I say, okay, we need a little more spiritual growth. That's not always given to me. Okay, thank you. That's not always given to me on a. On a platter. It's sort of like a little black and blue punches in the face. [00:33:10] Speaker A: It's like, okay, I get it. [00:33:11] Speaker C: I get it. And I'm really grateful because life without OA did not make sense. Not the pain, not the food, not the loss, not the whatever. It just didn't make sense. But life with oa, even with hardships and disappointments and confusion Makes sense. I know what my part is, I know what I have to surrender. And I have to say, I recently retired before they fired me. It was a good thing to get the hell out, but it was a really good job. And I got to be with a lot of people with substance abuse issues, obviously. And you can't help but just have a compassion for humanity and just say, oh boy, this is tough stuff that people. Addiction is tough stuff. Stuff cannot be done, you know. And when, you know, addiction services, it was all about the 12 steps. And then they got away from it a little bit, and then it got to be more therapeutic and more medical. I don't think that's a very good thing. But they were trying to ease God out. But being my 12 step brain, you know, it always interjected because I really wanted to see people recover from the inside out and hold on to something a little bit more than theory and the medical issues. So I don't know if I made a difference. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. I showed up and I did the best I could. But for me, when I have the perspective all these years, I always say, whatever the problem is, there's a spiritual answer. But it doesn't always come easily. Sometimes for me, I had to be brought to a place where I could be open to the experience, open to the solution. And sometimes that just comes with pain. And I'd always say, you know, you listen to advice, you listen to, you read a nice book, but the only thing you obey is pain. When pain comes your way, you're like, okay, maybe I'm missing something here. And that's where it's lovely to have people in your life. Sponsors, therapists, whoever they are, process stuff and hopefully elevate you to. What do you think this is teaching you? What door do you think it's opening? What do you need to practice on? So if you just stay in the problem, in the pain and the disappointment, you can get more of the same because you haven't learned the lesson. And who. I don't know what the lesson is for somebody. I don't even know what it is for me. But when I'm sitting with somebody and they have that kind of feeling of, hey, let's talk about what do you think has happened? Or what do you think? What was your part? Or what do you think God was trying to show you? Then I get this feeling of, okay, at least. I mean, something's coming out of it, so it means that it takes care of me physically. I can't eat Certain foods. I have no problem with that. It's been 40 some years. I couldn't care less emotionally. I have a therapist on and off, and that's a good thing, too. And I have the fellowship. Thank you. But it's the spirituality, whatever you define it as, that to me is the difference between a healthy being who can cope with life and one that's just looking for the next fix. So that's all I got. Thank you. All right, now's the fun part. Okay, when is it? We go to 9:15. I'm sorry. 10:15. 13, actually. Okay. We don't have that much time for sharing, but if you want to come up and share for three minutes, just be aware, at 10:13, we have to kind of wrap it up. So if anybody would like to come up and share, does that mean you? [00:37:13] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:37:16] Speaker D: My name is Jerry. I have been in this program. [00:37:21] Speaker C: This is my 24th. [00:37:24] Speaker D: You can hear me because I could speak now. Years I've been in program, 24 conventions I've been to. And I can tell you this. When I first came here, my wife brought me in and says, you got to lose weight. I said, why? You don't lose weight, you're going to die. And I said, her brother was a drug addict. So she knew about 12 step programs. And she brought me into OA, and I went to the program, and when I went there, it was called the how program. And I went there, and I said to them, they said, what do you think about this program? I said, I don't know. I heard something about the gray sheet. He said, do you have a sponsor? I said, no, you can't have the gray sheet. I told my wife, that place is crazy. That was 24 years ago. And I say that because I go to a meeting every week. My wife is now terminally ill, and my three daughters are taking care of her right now. So I can come to this meeting, and this is what it's all about. This is not a program. It's a way of life. And I can tell you this. Without this program would have been dead. I came in here 240 pounds. I now weigh 180 pounds. So the program is working when I work it, and I work it by doing service. I work it by coming here. And I got to tell you something. It was me and three girls. We come with a car. It took us four hours to drive here, and we didn't get here until six hours later. You know, I mean, it was just crazy. It was nuts. I'll tell you something. I'd go to hell to be here. Thank you. [00:39:20] Speaker C: Hi, everybody. [00:39:21] Speaker E: My name is Gloria, and I'm a compulsive overeater. I'm from Beverly, Massachusetts, and I've been in program for 43 years. And I love steps one, two, and three. In step one, I'm powerless over food. My life is unmanageable. I could right away identified that I was powerless over food, but I couldn't identify being having an unmanageable life. And it's like, now what do I do? And I looked at it and looked at it, and it was like, well, I know my body is unmanageable because I weigh 270 pounds and never planned to be there. And so I accepted that. And then in step two, God could take care of this for me, and I was okay with that. I could understand that because I believe God brought me here, so that was all right. And then I got to step three, and it's like, you know, you turn it over to God. And I thought I was doing that. And my sponsor asked me one day because I was unsettled, because once I put that food down, I saw the unmanageability of my life. And so in step three, I thought I was doing it because I was turning my food over to my sponsor and to God. And one day I was reading it. She told me, keep reading step three. Keep reading it. And one day it hit me that it meant everything. It meant the kids, job, the house, the family, my mother, everybody. And once I could do that, once I realized the difference, to me, that was like a spiritual experience, seeing that difference of it being more than just turning over the food. And then it helped me to go on with the rest of it. And I'm just so grateful to be here. And I know the most important thing in my life is this program because it gives me a life. I used to be part of the problem and anything that was going on in my family. And today I can be part of the solution. Me and God. And so I'm grateful for that and grateful you're all here today. Thank you. [00:41:34] Speaker F: Hi, I'm Alyssa C. I'm a recovered component overeater. Hi. And thank you. I really, really enjoyed your share. I was, like, kept standing and moving because I couldn't hear. But I love steps 1, 2, and 3. This is the foundation of my life. This tells me exactly who I am, what the solution, and what I'm going to do about it. And, you know, my problem. I came into Overeaters Anonymous. I was over £300. My life was unmanageable. Everything about me was unmanageable. But I was really working hard on trying to make it look like I was managing. And yet when you're in a body over 300 pounds, like who are you kidding? Who are you fooling? And I was crushed by this problem. Step one, I knew I was powerless. I reached that point where I had this realization that no matter what I ate, it was never going to be enough, no matter what. And it was like, I remember when that overcame me, I was like, I'm in trouble. I can't get numb with the food anymore. I can't blot it out. And then step two, I think like most of us, I did not like that. I didn't want a spiritual food. I wanted a diet solution. But you know, we reach a point and you know, I hold this book because this book is my answer. It really is. But we come to this problem where, you know, we cannot postpone or evade. When crushed by this problem, you know, crushed by a self imposed crisis, I can't postpone or evade it. I have to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else he's nothing. He either is going to be or he's not. What's your choice going to be? And that was really it. I made a choice. I was like, fine, I'll believe. Okay, what does that look like? And then. But a choice is followed by action. And that was, not only am I going to have to believe in this thing, but now I'm going to have to actually turn my life over to it. And I think it's like, you know, I think about it like I had these eggs that were broken and I was like, someone told me, here's a basket, you can have this basket. And I didn't even see the basket, but I was like, here, you could take my eggs that aren't broken anymore and I'll put them in the basket and do whatever you want with it. And I love step three. I think the third step promise is like my go to that, you know, that I have a new employer. I've got someone who's looking out for all the big stuff in my life. And with this new employer, he provides what I need. If I keep close to him. And I might not know what his work is all the time, but I sure know what it's not right. And I know it's not eating and I know it's not living in resentment and fear and harm. It's trying to do my Best. So in any given situation, if I just do what I believe I should do, and then I can leave the results up. And that has given me just the greatest comfort in my life, and it's relieved me of over £160. That was like a. Oh, yeah, by the way. Right. By the way. I don't live in morbid obesity anymore, but I have faith and confidence. [00:44:53] Speaker B: Hi, my name is Barbara. I'm a composable reader and a food addict. When I came to this program, I prayed of a lot of things and I was immersed in shame. So when I read the big Book, my interpretation of all of it was, here's what's wrong with you. You're never going to get better. And you need to be good. You need to be good. That was. I had been raised Catholic, and I remember the first picture in the Baltimore Catechism was Angel pointing the way out of the Garden of Eden because Adam and Eve had screwed up. And I thought, so all it takes is one mistake and you're out. And that sort of seemed like what it was like at home. One mistake and you could be in real trouble. And it was difficult for me to go to God when God was a taskmaster and he would be mad at me and send me out if I didn't do it right and I didn't do it well. Hard to ask for help from that. Being sick enough to have to go to treatment at one point. And one of the assignments I was given in that treatment and was to write a job description of the God that I would like to have. That God was all accepting, all loving, always encouraging, always supportive, always loving, always forgiving. [00:46:42] Speaker C: And. [00:46:45] Speaker B: The bit was, hire the old God, hire the new one. Now, that seems a little bit sacrilegious to me, but it was what they suggested I do. And over time, I recognized that I could approach that kind of God. A problem I had, that it wasn't about showing up and being good, that it was here. I'm hurt. I don't know what to do. Show me, guide me. And sometimes just take me into your lap and rock in the chair with me until I feel better. That was the kind of God that I needed to get well. And over time, I have taken that picture of God and tried to internalize it so that I see myself and I see other people in program as that element that will bring healing and hope and support and encouragement and power to overcome this disease just because I am. Thanks. [00:48:00] Speaker C: Hi, everyone. [00:48:01] Speaker G: I'm Terry. I'm a food addict. Thank you. Laura and Marge, I got so much out of what both of you said. And I came to steps one, two, and three the hard way. Like a lot of us, you know, I came into OA for diet, and I worked it as a diet many, many years ago. I lost weight, I left. I stayed in relapse for 11 and a half years. I returned at over £200 33 years ago. And the young sponsor that I got about the second or third day that I was calling her told me to get on my knees and ask God for help. And I said, this is going too far. I mean, really, you know, I'm going to those meetings and I'm reading that literature and, you know, you want me to get on my knees and ask God for help? God has Rwanda to worry about. Why would. Why should I ask God for help with the diet? And she said, terry, because that's what the thin people do. Will you do it just today when you hang up the phone, get on your knees. And I did. I did. I hang up the phone, I got on my knees, I started to cry and said, God, you know, if you really care about what I put in my mouth, please help me to be abstinent. And I was abstinent. And I did it the next day and the next day, and I was abstinent. I've been abstinent for 33 years. But, you know, it wasn't all that simple, you know, when it came to doing the steps, you know, like it's been shared before, you know, well, I certainly wasn't going to do step four. I don't know who that was for, but not for me and so forth. But, you know, that young sponsor had me reading a page out of the Big Book every day, every night. Thank you, Maureen. And when I got to page 43 and it said, you know, I put it in my words, the food addict at certain times has no defense against the first bite, except for a higher power. And it was so meaningful to me, I wrote it on a card, I pinned it onto my literature, because that is the truth. And it says in the Big Book. The purpose of this book is to help you find a power greater than yourself who will help you with all your problems. Not just food, but all your problems. And, you know, our founders, you know, Bill W. And Dr. Bob, said they believed that there was no recovery without spirituality. Thank you. So I have found that to be true over 33 years. [00:51:07] Speaker A: Thank you. [00:51:15] Speaker H: Hi, everyone. Hi, I'm Joanne. I'm a compulsory eater. Put it right to the Mouth there. [00:51:21] Speaker C: Good to see you, Barb. [00:51:22] Speaker H: Thank you both. Someone mentioned what brought them here. I was brought here at the age of 1975. I was seeing a psychiatrist and the reason I got to the psychiatrist is I took some pills my mother had. I didn't know what they were going to do. I didn't want to die, but I didn't want to wake up. The food was so bad, the isolation, the self hate. I just didn't want to wake up anymore. That senior year I had gone from 128 and I came up with this great idea that if I went to £100 it was going to make high school dating, socializing easy. Went to £100 and then within three months went up to 150 and went back my senior year in a uniform that I'm pinning. And it was so demoralizing. So I went to the psychiatrist and within two sessions he was pretty good. He was like, you got a food problem, go to oa. And I'm in upstate New York and I'm like, you know, I look back now, that was amazing. But I went into the meeting and everyone was so old. [00:52:34] Speaker C: It was like I was the youngest. [00:52:35] Speaker A: Kid and they were probably all like. [00:52:36] Speaker H: 30S and it was an orange and a gray sheet and I was excited. But I'm going off to college and they said no drinking. And I'm like, you know, I want to get thin, but I'm not giving up, you know, I need that to socialize. If I'm thin, I'm drinking, you know, one or the other. But anyways, it was a long journey. They say sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, I really did not get step one. The true humiliating, you know, not even humbly realizing after a seven year binge and going up way past 170, I really lost a decade of my life. You know, I did nothing but show up for my job, barely because I'm single and have children. And I was on my knees one night and it was a day before God gave me the gift of absence. But I was on my knees and I'm like, oh my God, I've lost nothing to show for it. And if I don't stop eating, this was a gift of God. If you don't stop right now, Joanne, you may be on your knees in 10 years, in your 50s and going, what happened? And God gave me the gift of knowing I am powerless. I always thought I could get this. I've been successful, but that was my first day of abstinence 20 years ago and I'm so grateful. And I stay for now. All the other steps. Because it's more than food. I'm addicted to it. But I'm full of fear, doubt and insecurity. And that's where the other steps come in. And I'm so grateful for the whole program. [00:54:18] Speaker C: Thank you for being here. My recovery, part of everyone else's recovery. We are going to start. Stop now, because I think I said of this room, what this says here. I think there's a part where we have to say the Serenity Prayer here for all those who'd like to join us in Serenity Prayer. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change by hand and the wishes to know the difference. Thank you.