2023 Step 10

[00:00:02] Speaker A: Okay, so this workshop ends. Does it end at 4:45? Is that correct? Okay. Oh, wait a minute. Okay, so let's begin with the Serenity Prayer. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. They will not be done. The topic of this workshop, the total. [00:00:37] Speaker B: Time is 20 minutes, is that right? Yes. [00:00:40] Speaker A: Yes. So we have two speakers each 20 minutes, and then three minute shares. Okay. The topic of this workshop is step 10. My name is Ann. I'm a compulsive overeater, and I will speak 20 minutes. And then more will be 20 minutes, and then we'll open up for shares. There is a recording going on. Okay, so now I share. I have been in program and abstinent for 19 years. Today's my anniversary. I'm down about £50 from my top weight. I'm going to. I did this on my black and white printer, so it's not very good. But I have some before and after pictures here that I can pass around. Now, the last time I spoke at a Region VI convention, I was substituting for someone who had just been rushed to the hospital. I had no time to prepare. I stood up in front of the room and free associated. And half the people in the room walked out and went to the desk and complained about me. And they deleted my recording from the convention set. So let's have a moment of silence and pray that doesn't happen again. At least this time I did have some time to prepare. Now, one of the things that happened is they told me when I signed up, you're not allowed to sing. Now, I have never sung when qualifying at an OA meeting or speaking at a convention. But you know how it is when they say, don't think about a rhinoceros, all of a sudden it's like, what if? What? Maybe I could sing something. No, no. It's very weird. It would never occur to me to sing if somebody hadn't said that to me. It's like, why do you put beans. Why do the kids put beans in their ears? Anyway, so step 10 is kind of interesting for me as a Big Book person because there is a difference in the way it's handled in the Big Book and the way it's handled in the OA 12 and 12. And in the OA 12 and 12. I really prefer the way the Big book handles step four, but the way the OA 12 and 12 handles step 10 makes more sense to me. And see, in the big book step 10 is a spot check inventory. So you're walking down the street and I have a resentment or fear I've got to do something. That's a spot check engine for me, right? And then at the end of the day, this check in thing, which I do every night is that's taking reviewing your day and planning your day. That's part of step 11 in the big book. Whereas in the OA 12 and 12 of that check in thing that I do, I send to my fellow traveler. I don't use the word sponsor. I'm a sponsorship iconoclast. I call her a fellow traveler. That is for me, in my mind that's step 10 because I first read it that way in the OA 12 and 12. Even though the big book says that's step 11, so I'm going to be talking about that too. So the first thing is the spot check inventory. You know, I walk down the street or I'm sitting in my home and all of a sudden I have a resentment, I have a fear, whatever. And it's, I'm real good at that. It's just sitting there pounding in my head. And one of the things about step 10 is recognizing when my thinking is going off. I'm not, I'm not being sane right now. Something's wrong. And the first thing I have to do is turn to my higher power. And the most basic prayer is help, okay? And after I do that, I start remembering some other prayers. Serenity prayer, third step prayer, seven Step prayer. And I also remember these fourth step prayers out of the Big Book. And a lot of people don't know them. The resentment prayer. Please help me show whoever it is the same tolerance, pity and patience I would cheerfully grant a sick friend. He, she, it is a sick person, place or thing. How can I be helpful to him? Her it. God save me from being angry. Thy will be done. That's really important. And the fear prayer, Please remove my fear. I have it as he on here. I'm going to pass this around. But you don't have. It doesn't have to be he. Please remove my fear and direct my attention to what you would have me be. And the sex conduct prayers. Please mold my ideals and help me live up to them. Please give me guidance with respect to this. Please give me the right ideal guidance. And in each questionable situation, sanity and strength to do the right thing. So I'm going to pass these around because a lot of people don't know these. They know the third step prayer. They know the seven Step prayer. But they don't know that there are other prayers in the Big Book and that thing. And then a lot of times that business of catching it at the moment involves making a telephone call or sending a text, right? Because if I don't catch it now, if I stuff it down, I'm going to end up like Jim in the Big Book, the guy who drank the whiskey with the milk because he stuffed down his resentment. What happens? He gets the insanely trivial excuse and he drinks the whiskey with the milk. That's what happens. If I stuff down resentments, I have to do something about it. And then, you know, a lot of people have seen Laurie C's spreadsheet format for the resentments. 15 minutes left. Thank you. And I love Laurie C and everything, but I'm not one of those people like him where he just writes down a few notes. I write a lot. This is one resentment. Two pages. Being my fellow traveler or co sponsor or whatever it is is a major commitment because I write a lot. This is a resentment that I wrote up. And I do that. I don't write up a big resentment like this every day. You know, it's really when something's bothering me and I'm going through the day and I keep finding myself by myself in my house, but I'm yelling at this person or situation. Why didn't you do that? You shouldn't have said this, you shouldn't have done that. You know, it go over and over and over in my head. Like somebody just asked me to take my mask off. I'm not gonna take my mask off. But I'm still like, it's repeating in my head that somebody asked me to. You know, that's like that kind of repetition is dangerous for me, for my abstinence. So I have, you know, the resentment. I resent that I don't have a loving life partner. Why do I have the resentment? You know? And then I have a paragraph here. I don't know if I should read this whole thing. I'm going to pass it around. And this affects my self esteem, ambition, emotional security, physical security, financial security, personal relations, sexual relations, pride. Yes, you say the prayer and then how was I? Selfish, dishonest, self seeking and afraid. And like I said, Laurie C. Always recommends that we just write a quick note. But you know, I had other people give me other instructions. And this is one resentment. You know, when I wrote up my step fours, they were really big, okay? But this is a step 10. This was just a one off because I found myself you know, and I find myself, I don't necessarily eat because I've been abstinent, I've been in program, but I do other things. Like I fantasize about celebrities, I watch YouTube videos, I'm sometimes up very late at night watching YouTube videos or like doing a laundry in the middle of the night. Compulsive workaholism. These are all like self medicating things that I'm doing to myself, which are really not the best thing for me. And so sometimes I have to say, well, why am I doing this? Well, I have this resentment. So this is, I'm going to pass this around. This is my resentment of not having a loving life partner. And so, you know, they actually recommend, you know, people who have been in the program a long time that you do a house cleaning, a major house cleaning, at least once a year, maybe every six months, where you really write up another set of another. Step 4. Steps 10 through 12 are the maintenance steps. This is not something that you stop and say I'm done, I did it. It's a loop. Step 12 says we repeat everything, keep practicing these principles in all our affairs. And step 10, the inventory, that's really steps four through. It's kind of shorthand for steps four through nine. You have to keep doing it because life happens. And you know, if I'm going to keep living life on life's terms, I have to keep working on it. Otherwise I will go back to my previous way of thinking about stuff. You know that there's that program saying while I'm here in the rooms, my disease is doing push ups in the parking lot. Right. I still will go back to my previous behavior if I'm not constantly working on it. So if I'm sitting there, I'm sitting there on my computer writing my nightly check in and I realize, okay, all day long I've been thinking about how rude it was for that person to tell me to take off my mask when I don't feel comfortable. From a health perspective, that's my problem. That's not their problem. And so I have to write that up. And I'm going to have to send that, thank you, 10 minutes. I'm going to have to send that to my sponsor. So nightly check ins. And this is something, as I said in the big book, that's step 11. But I still think of it as a step 10. And this is like my format. I actually have a number of different step 10 nightly check in formats in my computer. And if anybody wants them, you can come up to me afterwards and ask, and I can send them to you because there's a lot of different formats for doing this. But I find that it's just very helpful. And I have here. This is. This started out as a format that was called the four GS, which I heard about in a phone meeting. And me being the kind of writer that I am, I expanded it so it has these categories. At least five things I'm grateful for. At least five things. You know, things that. That was. The original format was 5 grateful. And the second one, I don't remember what word they used. Good. Oh, good things. Okay. So I call that did well. So five things I did well. And then glitches. And I try to minimize those because I don't want to dwell on the negative. And then no more than five goals because I will overload myself. But I added some things. So some of these things are things I learned from Sponsee. So I had this one Sponsee who was doing this because this is what I do. So I taught her to do it, and she would start listing all the things she did, whether she thought she did them well or not. So I do have some things that I did. I'm not sure if they were well or not. So that's a category that I add. And then this is actually a sponsor who suggested this that I have a lot of trust issues. I don't trust people. So I added this category of what do I trust? And usually I don't put too much in there because I have a really hard time with trust. But I do try to put. At least HP can keep me abstinent tomorrow. And there is a solution that I can trust in those things and the glitches. So I try to minimize the number of glitches. And for a while, I was keeping it down to three. But after a while, I felt that was maybe not honest. So if I have more than three, I've got to write more gratitudes back, because what happens at the end of the day is I will sit there and beat myself up over the things that I didn't accomplish that I wanted to accomplish. And as far as I'm concerned, I only see the things I didn't accomplish. I don't see the things that I did accomplish, you know, and I made choices during the day. I chose to do the laundry instead of something else. And so I won't say, oh, it's good that I did the laundry. I'll say, it's bad that I didn't do that other thing. I am basically not surrendered to the clock, and I'm often up very late trying to cram more into this day. I've heard that called time deading, where you're borrowing something from the next day to try to cram it into this day. And indeed, because of that sort of behavior, I missed the entire morning program here today. And I have to. Serenity prayer. I have to accept that, you know, I made a choice to do things at night, and therefore, I couldn't. I had to get some sleep. I only got six hours, but I had to get some sleep. And therefore. And I had things I had to do in the morning, and I didn't get here till the afternoon. Serenity prayer. Okay, I can't. There are only 24 hours a day. There's only so many things I can do, and I am not surrender. And that's so this business of, at the end of the day, doing a positive inventory. You know, like, if you were having a store, you wouldn't just inventory what's missing. You have to inventory what's there. And my tendency was always to inventory just what's missing. Right. So this business of gratitudes and things I did well is really important to my even being able to go to sleep, because otherwise I'll lie in bed going, I didn't do this. I didn't do that. But, Ann, you did this. You did that. Yeah. You did the laundry, and you didn't vacuum the living room. Okay? Well, that's how it is. You know, that's a common choice that I make. And so the living room is dirty, okay? But I have to accept it. And so this business of writing these positive things, you know, they talk about entire psychic change in this. And that resentment prayer, I think, is really important to psychic change for me. And also this every day, five minutes writing, grateful did. Well, that's part of the psychic change, too, because that's something that I always did in the past. I would just find out what was wrong with things. You know, this is wrong, that's wrong the other. And usually to my family members, you made this mistake, you made that mistake. You didn't do this, you know, and this business of trying to be positive, that's part of my psychic change. And I remember I really noticed it before my mother died, and we were out walking, and I said, isn't the view beautiful? And she said, I've seen it before. And I said, well, so have I, but I still think it's beautiful, you know, and that's the kind of difference between being grateful and not being grateful. So goals. Yeah, it's really easy to set too many goals. And when I see that I have a really packed schedule the next day at this time I have to do this. At that time, I have to do this. And there's more than five, I know that tomorrow is going to be a problem. And then I put in the deviations from previous night's committed food. And then I planned meals. So the big book tells us to plan our day at the beginning of the day. I do it at night before I go to bed and I write down my planned meals. And the way I do my program, I don't necessarily call a sponsor before I change my food, but I do report it in this. So this is my, my nightly format. And it's interesting. I learned to do that on a phone meeting that was actually a different fellowship. And I started doing it because it felt good. And I hadn't even worked the other steps at the time I was doing that. But I do feel like if we're going to be abstinent, I have to work steps 10 through 12, even if I haven't finished the other steps. And certainly step nine is one of those things that sometimes takes a long time. You know, I was in program at least three years before I attempted to make amends to my ex. And I had to do a lot to get ready to do that. I had to do a lot of spiritual preparation. And it took me a long. If I hadn't been doing steps 10 through 12 during that time while I was trying to get ready to make amends to my ex, I couldn't have stayed abstinent. So steps 10 through 12 are the maintenance steps. And so I think it is important to be thinking about a nightly check in and to be thinking about the spot check inventory. I remember one of the first experiments I did with step five when I was a newcomer. I didn't even have a sponsor yet because the meeting I was at didn't have anybody absent. And so I had a buddy and I, you know, I had a temper tantrum. I threw food in McDonald's. I called her up and told her, you know, I hadn't done a formal step four or five at that point, but I knew that I had to be honest and tell somebody about this. I knew that was part of the program and so I told her. And she had enough program to be able to deal with it. She didn't say, bad girl, you shouldn't have thrown food at McDonald's. But that willingness to expose myself and my humanity and my imperfections to somebody I didn't know very well was like one of the one minute. Thank you was one of my first movements towards that psychic change and towards becoming a different person. So even though I hadn't completed all the steps, I was still doing some, you know, awareness that there was something I had to deal with there. And. Yeah. So. Well, you know, I've been in program 19 years. There's a lot more I could say, but I guess we're sort of running down on time and thank you for letting me do service and I will turn it over. [00:21:06] Speaker B: Good afternoon. My name is Laura. I'm grateful. Recovering compulsive Re Eater and recovery One day at a time. I'm going to pass some pictures around. I came into these rooms at 409 pounds and I didn't think that was really bad. I just. I thought I could go on a diet and lose weight. Yeah, I did it and I did that many times. And I'll leave the rest and that's it. And step 10. And I wrote a bunch of notes because having multiple sclerosis, I forget a lot of things. [00:21:56] Speaker A: Oh, that's recording. That's the backup recording. Okay. [00:22:03] Speaker B: And I followed by the book, Big Book. And the Big Book has told me as long as I am spiritually fit, I will remain abstinent one day at a time. And I learned that after my relapse. And God, I don't want to ever get to be in that relapse ever again. The step 10 promise is sanity returned. And I will recoil like a hot flame and I have recoiled like a hot flame from the foods that I know I cannot eat one of. In oa, they have the red foods, the green foods, the blue, the blue foods, the red foods, the red foods, the green foods, and the yellow foods. And I know I've made a list and the people I sponsor, I have them to do that also. And there are the red foods I know I cannot eat without question. There are green foods that have become yellow foods. There are yellow foods that have become green foods. It all depends on where I am and the circumstances I am under. And I will leave that I react sanely and normal around certain people and around certain foods. And they said I have to make amends for people that have harmed me. And I'm like, what, are you kidding me? What do I need to make amends? And that was part of the step 10. Why do I have to make. Why do I have to say sorry to these people, they hurt me. And, you know, I'm sponsoring someone right now, and we are going through this. And I say to her, because I know I had to do it, I said, you are forgiving them to let yourself out of the prison and the cage that you have yourself locked in. Because that's what I had to learn in these rooms. I had to free that person that had me locked in a cage. I was locked in a cage, not forgiving someone. So I make my amends on a daily basis when needed, and as quickly and as promptly as I possibly can. I'll write about it. I'll write about the situation. I plan on, how I'm going to say it when the situation arises, because I like going to bed and putting my head on the pillow and going to sleep. I don't have to want to dread and say, oh, now what do I have to do? I have to make amends. And it was funny. I said to Kimberly before, am I allowed to curse when I speak? And she just looked at me, okay? Because the rooms taught me I have to act like a lady and not curse. And that's basically what I have to do. So. And basically, in the big book, the promises come right before the tenth step. And I can honestly say for me, every single one of those promises have come true for me. I react sanely and normally under many circumstances. I had someone come up to me that was a basket. I'm the basket raffle chair for this convention. And it has been frustrating. And someone walked up to me and said, I can't believe how you're handling this so calmly. And I said, you have no idea. But I walk with God every day. He's with me. He walks with me, and. And I walk with him, and he walks me through everything, and I mean everything. I do a personal inventory, and when I'm wrong, I promptly admit it. Do I want to? Come on. We all know we don't want to admit it, but if I'm going to stay absent, I'm going to stay sane, and I'm going to stay on the right road and not go on the wrong road. It's something that I have to do. Honesty, perseverance, self discipline and integrity. Integrity is one of my main things. I have to have integrity, because otherwise, if I don't walk around with integrity, no one's going to believe me. No one's going to trust me. When I. I lived on Long island, up until I moved to North Carolina in June of 2015, and I put my house up for sale. And moved. And I got married, remarried in September of 2015. And I thought this was it. You know, this was it. And I found out in October, one of my neighbors, because I have the ms, I have an issue with numbers, adding numbers, subtracting numbers and all that. So I got married and I said to my husband, well, we talked about it, and he was going to do the bills and all that. I have a fantastic pension. So in October, I found out because my neighbor, her husband was very ill, and they were going to sell their second car. I have a 2014 Kia Sorento. I'm going to do this real quick. And they were going to sell their car, which had low mileage on it. And I said, that's great. I said, donna, let me know when you're going to, you know, when you. She called my husband, and my husband never said anything. She called and it was a good price and everything. I said, why didn't you send me? She never called and told me. And he lied to me. So my guts, you know, we had that gut feeling in these brooms when it's not filled up with food, your gut talks to you, you know. And my gut said to me, go look at the bank accounts. Go look at the checking accounts. And what I realized was my pension checks and everything were paying off all the bills. His pension checks were being stashed somewhere. [00:28:54] Speaker C: Wow. [00:28:56] Speaker B: So I said, okay. So I started making plans in the end of October, November, December. I'm a guardian ad litem, if any of you know what that is. And I spoke to my guardian ad litem supervisor. I said, no good. No good. Doors attorney. I went and had a consult. January, February, March, April. I got him plane tickets to go see his two sons, upstate New York. And in June, I hired a Penske truck. I hired these two guys to help load up the truck. I had already rented a house, and I moved. When he came back, I was not there. I moved out. What I brought with me from New York, and I moved it down to South Carolina. And I moved, being I paid all the bills. He sold the house. And $220,000 is put in an escrow account in actually a trust fund. And his $220,000 is put in a trust fund. He can't touch it. He couldn't sell the house unless he had my permission. Only because of my calmness and not stuffing my face with food. I was able to because of the ten step, my integrity, everything else. He took me to court to let him sell the house. I had to Go before the judge. It was one and the judge couldn't hear my case. She knows me too well from being a guardian litem. And she knows how I am because I stand up for children in my county that I live in. I had to go before another judge. Make a long story short, that money had to be put in a trust fund because they wouldn't trust him because of what he did. So the money's in a trust fund till the divorce is final. That's fine for me. I don't need that money. I make a great pension. This program has taught me to stand on my own two feet, Trust in myself, trust in my guts, and trusting God. So that's part of my story with the tent step. I didn't have to apologize to him. You have to apologize to anybody. Because I knew I was doing the next right thing for myself. Okay, little clip it. Living in today. That's what I look at every day I live in today. What am I doing differently today so that I know I'm doing the next right thing? Do I feel uncomfortable even though I'm doing the next right thing? That's important for me I have to do. Even though it's uncomfortable and I know I'm doing something right, I do it anyway. And I promptly admit when I'm doing something wrong. And why is it necessary? It's necessary so I don't have to turn around and go sitting in the refrigerator or sitting in the pantry at the house. The books to use on this step are of course in the workbook. You have the OA workbook, the 12 and 12. Look in your daily books, you got the OA 12 and 12, the OA 12 and 12,the OA 4 today book and your voices. Look in the indexes and you'll see. Look it up in the index. It will tell you step 10. Look it up. You don't have to look day by day in those daily books. In your little books, it will tell you. In the back on the indexes, it'll tell you, oh, that's where step 10 is. Let me go look at it. What does it say in your basic 12 and 12:08, 12 and 12 book? Read your step 10. Underline what you think is important in your big book. Read your big book. Look in the first 164 pages and underline the word must. There are a lot of musts in there. Look up the word must. There's not a lot of have to's. There's not a lot oh, maybes. Look up Your word must and see where you must do. I'm a big book person more than I am the 0, 8, 12 and 12. I'm really a big book person. I ask myself, was they fearful today? What do I have to apologize for? Was I good to myself today? That's something I know I was lacking for many years. Was I good to myself? I treated myself like shit. I harmed myself with food. So today I say, was I good to myself today? Did I treat myself well today? What resentments do I have? You know, read that resentment prayer. Also in the Agnostics, it's called the set aside prayer. Set aside so I don't have to do this today or this exact moment. You know, I can do this later. I could do this tomorrow. Not the apology, but something else that might be troubling me. I could set it aside for an hour or two. Maybe I just have to make come back to it. Service to others that I'll get back to in a minute. What do I have to do to be grateful today? I tell the people I sponsor, just write three things down that you're grateful for today. You don't have to make a big monologue. Just write down three things. And moving on from step 10 is your step 11. Step 11. Step 11 is. And we're not going to get into that. Step 11 is like, that's another one. They're all. But you know what? These are the living steps. Step 10, 11 and 12. And step 12 too is giving back. Giving back service here. Giving back service to your outside community. And step 11, you know, sought through parent prayer and meditation. Prayer, meditation. Open over your step 10. Love intolerance is our code. That's part of step 10. And let me tell you, I had to really learn love intolerance. It was biting my tongue from October to June when I moved out and smiling. I am not a doormat. I'm no one's doormat. I was a doormat for many years. I'm no one's doormat. Thank you. And I'll let you fill you in on a little bit of what I do as a volunteer is my giving back. And you'll understand how I learned in these rooms of where my heart is. And this is where a lot of my 10 step work I do. Does anyone know what a guardian ad litem is? I volunteer in the county where I used to live and I'm still doing it in the county I live. I am the voice of children and the eyes and ears of the judge in the county where I Live of children that have been taken away from their parents. Most of their children have been taken away. Their parents are drug addicts or alcoholics. I have one mom. My first case, the mom was Blue Girl was taken away at six months old. The mother was already sober. The mother was already off drugs. Unfortunately, not soon enough. The little girl was born with fetal alcohol syndrome. That little girl will be five next month and calls me grandma because once the case was closed, the mother did not want to get rid of me. Her mom is a drug addict. We call it historical. You know, it's history repeats itself. And that little girl calls my grandma. She's the cutest little thing ever. Cute little button. My other case was a little girl that was five weeks old was living with the grandmother. And I realized the grandmother didn't belong having her. And I had her taken away from the grandmother. That little girl's mom had a baby. When that little girl. When that baby was two years old. My proudest thing was fighting for those two little girls to get adopted. And they were adopted in June. They were adopted the week after I left my husband. And the joy in seeing them running up to me and hugging me. Those two little girls, I'm the one who has been there constant since they're two weeks old and four weeks old and fighting for them only because of the sanity that I've been given with this 10 step. And I don't say sorry to anybody, including the DSS workers. If I know I'm right and they I'm sorry. And they know it. They know I don't. I don't stand back down on them or anything. If I know I'm right, I'm right. I don't yell at them. I don't scream at them. I just state the facts. Just the facts, ma'am. Just the facts. You know, and this is how it is. And it has given me a purpose. My kids are grown. My grandchildren are grown. And this gives me a purpose in life. I always wanted more kids. Now I got a ton of them. You know, I've had all girls and. And I've had a lot of babies. I'm the baby whisperer. And now I have three. And now I have a ton of boys. Now I have all these little boys. And this has given me purpose. And for me to keep clarity, to be able to go into court and testify, I have to be abstinent. And I will not pick up no matter what, because the food's not my answer. God's my answer. Staying in these rooms is my answer and thank you for letting me share. [00:40:02] Speaker A: Okay, so I believe the workshop ends at 4:45 and what time is it now? Okay, so we have 20 minutes and you all get to give three minute pitches and the timer will signal you when you have one minute left. If you would like to share, please come to the front of the room. It would be nice if you lined up so there weren't big gaps between the shares. We remind you this session is being recorded. There are two recording devices here, a cell phone and a recorder, and your sharing demonstrates your consent to be recorded. If you wish to remain anonymous, please use a fictitious name or choose not to share. Please say where you're from, how long you've been in OA, but devote your share to your OA experience on the topic, which is step 10. The meeting is open for sharing. The timer has to tell me when it's time to stop too, because my cell phone's up there. [00:41:19] Speaker D: Hi everybody, my name is Amy B. I'm a compulsive overeater. Nobody get up. I'm always going to share in step 10. I love step 10, three minutes, so really really fast. I don't think anybody Talked about the AA 12 and 12 when it comes to step 10. And I love the AA 12 and 12 when it Comes to step 10. In the beginning on that second page, first filled paragraph, it talks about the different types of inventories. Remember step 10 is continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. Personal inventory. It's personal. Personal depending on the situation, personal depending on where you are, personal depending on what the disturbance is. So the AA 12 and 12 does a really good job of talking about the different types of inventory. It starts by talking about the sport spot check inventory taken at any time of day. That's what it goes into in the big book where it talks about the instructions for spot check inventory. And then in the 12 and 12 it continues to talk about there slightly longer review that we take to go over the credits and debits were due of the days past. I messed that up a little bit, the wording. But that's the 11 step nightly review. That's an inventory as well. And it does talk about the A12 and 12 about the different types of inventories being distinguished by the amount of time it takes to do them, which is really very specific instruction. That spot check inventory is supposed to be like a moveon.com like and then later I can go into it in more detail in my 11 step nightly review and some of Those spot check inventories are going to require me stopping and talking to someone. And some of them aren't. It's personal. And then the third type of inventory, which takes longer, it says some A's go in for a yearly or periodic check in where they. And again, I think that's an extended four step inventory. And it says we're either alone or in the company of a sponsor or spiritual advisor. They review their progress since last time. So once again, like this is between us and God. This is personal. There are different ways, there are different times. And the last thing that I want to say on the subject is at the end of the instructions in the big book where it says we resolutely turn our thoughts towards someone we can help. I kind of think of that. Thank you. I kind of think of that in reverse, which is to say I resolutely turn my thoughts off of me and what's bothering me and why I have to deal with it. And I resolutely think about anything else and someone I can help is a really good starting place. [00:43:48] Speaker A: That. [00:43:48] Speaker D: And it doesn't say we resolutely go help someone. It says I resolutely turn my thoughts. And in the 11th step, it says we ask God to direct our thinking because we have a mental twist. And this is a program of thought interruption and redirection towards a power greater than ourselves. But that's what it is. It's, you know, the abstinence treats the physical allergy, but the steps treat the mental twist. And that's the place where I have to stop. I'm out of time. Thank you so much for letting me speak. [00:44:34] Speaker E: Hi everyone, my name is Nancy H. From Rhode Island. Hi everyone. And I've been in program since I first came in 1983. But I've been in consistently since 2013 and have had stable abstinence for about six years now. And thank you so much. I learned so much from your experience, strength and hope for both of you. And I especially loved, I think, Laurie, you said this. If I'm going to stay abstinent, I have to have integrity, honesty and perseverance. It helps me to be trustworthy and I know I need to have humility too. I just want to give you two quick examples of step tens I've done recently and how this program, you know, helps me to learn to be humble. I will say so. I live with my sister, she's three years younger and she bought some nice herbal plants this summer and put them out on the front porch in Cute little pots. And they did very well. One of them, a basil. And you know, when we. She said, go out and use the basil in your cooking. We used it in our cooking. So about a week and a half ago, it was looking kind of yellow and just like it was spent. So I said, okay, she's busy. She still works full time. I'm retired. I said, well, I'm going to get rid of this basil plant. So I threw it in the big trash bin. You know, they were coming up the next day to, you know, empty the trash. So she went and put something in the trash bin. And she said, why did you throw my basil plant away? And I said, well, because it was no good. It was yellow, we can't use it anymore. But she said, but it was my plan. Why did you throw it away? And I said, I persisted with her. We went back and forth about five times in this, you know, line of thought. It's like, well, it was no good anymore. We couldn't use it. So I threw it away. And so finally she said, but it was my plan and you threw it away and you had no right to throw it away. Thank you. And finally I got it. You know, I remembered my program. I got off my high horse and my steam that was, you know, evolving, coming out of my ears. And, you know, I just because of this program in step 10, I was able to say to her, you know what? I hear what you're saying, and I'm really sorry that I threw it away. And so the next morning, early, I went out and retrieved it and put it back on the porch. But be in the attic, that am I. I couldn't leave it at that. When I saw her during the day, I said, did you notice I took the plant out of the trash and. [00:47:14] Speaker F: Put it on the porch? [00:47:15] Speaker E: So anyway, and just one last thing is. So in our meetings, we had a big hoo ha last spring about changing the timing from five minutes to three minutes. I mean, this was a big. Two business meetings. It finally went to three minutes. So the person who was really advocating for this last week said, I think we ought to change it to four minutes. Anyway, steam was coming out of my ears again, but I got off my high horse and remembered the resentment prayer. So thanks very much. [00:47:59] Speaker C: Thank you so much for your shares, both of you. So I wanted to just say that I'm Sally. Just wanted to say I'm Sally. Thank you. No, I wanted to say that page that you passed around. Fortunately, my neighbor sitting next to me took a picture of it because when I do my 10 steps, I always have to really fixate on the idea that we're all sick. And the people that are creating a lot of my 10 step reactions are sick people. So in that paper that you passed around, you shared the resentment prayer, which I think is really powerful. Please help me show whoever the same tolerance, pity, and patience I would cheerfully grant a sick friend. And, you know, when I do my 10 steps, which always includes, like, it's prayerful for me to do a 10 step, I always picture the person and I actually go forward when I see the person thinking of the word sick on their forehead. And I even put a bandana on their head, like as if they have cancer and they've lost their hair. Because when I do that and I do that whole bandana look that they've lost their hair, this is a very sick person. And I remember that I, too, wear the bandana and I am too a sick person. It just takes esteem out of me. And it also brings such a level of compassion in how I see that person that has really ruffled my feathers, you know. And so I have to say that these prayers really are very instructional. And I know too that it talks about when we have a hard time getting through that 10th step. It talks about in the big book praying for that person for two weeks. And I have to say that has really worked for me. Sometimes I have to pray for myself because I have a resentment toward me that I can't let go of something that's really hurting me. So thank you for letting me share that. [00:50:38] Speaker G: Hey, everybody. My name's Michael. I'm a compulsive over reader. I have memories of being a boy and telling people all kinds of stories about myself that never happened. I used to make them up for some, and that made me feel better. Back in the day and being in program, I noticed that that pattern hadn't really gone away and that I would tell people stories about myself that had never happened, you know. And it was like, oh, my goodness, you know, I'm a little kid, you know. And I would say for the most part, that pattern has been walking away. But I was telling a friend at a meeting that I was at about my father, and I mentioned that he had been in the rcaf, the Royal Canadian Air Force. And she said to me, what was he? Was he in the war? And I had this impulse from when I was a kid, and I said, yes, and he wasn't. He never actually crossed the Atlantic and went to the. And that really bothered Me, you know, it was like, I mean, first of all, it's a program friend. And secondly, I'm just kind of like, no, I don't want to do that. So I just wanted to share that. I actually phoned her the next day and I explained I wasn't as wordy as I am right now. I just said, by the way, that wasn't true. And that he had never actually. He was in the rcaf and he did go in planes and all kinds of things, but he never actually saw action, you know. And so I. And I think that that's helping me one, in that I'm not messing up a relationship that I have with a particular person, but also that I'm really kind of healing this thing that I've had ever since I was a kid of needing to say something that isn't true. Anyway, thanks very much for your shares. [00:53:36] Speaker F: Yes. Hello, my name is Marilyn. I'm from Montreal and grateful to be here. And some of you know, I'm hearing impaired. So for me to help make sure that you hear me is really important. Yeah, so I've been in program for quite a while, 45 years, actually. And I was sort of in and out of relapse for about 13 years at the beginning. And since then, I've had a gift from my higher power to be abstinent. And somebody once shared recently about, you know, we talk. I talk about it often as a gift from God. But this person pointed out to me, who's in program for quite a while, that we work very hard for that gift, or maybe not for the gift, but to maintain the gift. And I told early on that when we get a gift, we take care of it. We shine it, clean it. And this is what I need to do. But anyways, the reason I'm here at this workshop is because I do. I send a tent step to a program person every day, every night. And it really annoys me that it's the same stuff comes up over and over again. And recently I heard, like, I've been in program a long, long time. Recently I just heard about that resentment bear to look at, you know, use it for myself that forgive myself to be patient, tolerant, you know, with me. And then I've heard other speakers, you know, when I often think people say to me, how come you still go to meetings after all these years? And I learned something else, you know, that if my character did that as a human being, these things come up. And of course, the step book, when I, you know, the step book, which I'VE read many times both of them. And the big book, it says, you know, that to think that my character defects aren't going to come up anymore, that's a little arrogant and grandiose of me. And like, you know, then you're in another defect. So it's, you know, so it's really to forgive myself. Thank you. And self care, you know, that's part of my self care to be loving and careful caring. And I pray for that, you know, God help me accept and love my care for myself. And that's why I came to the convention. And thank you all for sharing and doing your service work. [00:56:14] Speaker B: One more share. [00:56:19] Speaker A: Short one. [00:56:24] Speaker H: It's not often I have to raise a microphone. I'm Maggie. I'm a compulsive overeater and very happy to be here. And I'll just say I do every night. I report what I've actually eaten, what I intend to eat the next day, and then I do the vowels. A, E, I, O, U. Was I abstinent? Did I exercise? What did I do for myself? [00:56:49] Speaker A: What? [00:56:51] Speaker H: Where did I see? God is the O, as in ooh, as my sponsor would say. And finally, what have I done for others? And I've only really been doing it for about nine months. And what a difference. What a difference, doing it every day. I'd been without a sponsor for a long time and needed to get one to do a workshop. And it's just been fantastic. So with that, I'll pass, thanks. [00:57:26] Speaker A: Okay. I think a few people pounded the table. That will be interesting for the people listening and the recording. So that's all the time we have for sharing. Thanks for attending the workshop. We will close with the Serenity prayer. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done. Amen. [00:58:02] Speaker E: Thank you.