Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: Thank you everyone for attending Strong Apps Checklist. It is a writing workshop. If you don't have paper and pen, we have some up here. So you're welcome to come up and get that.
Give you a few minutes to get that and then we'll get started.
We also have the trifold card. If you don't have one. They're up here.
We don't have a whole lot. So first come, first serve and then I want to get started.
They are, these trifold cards are available on oa.org in the bookstore. Your inner groups may have them. Check with your inner groups. Your meetings may have them.
It's a really good thing to have.
We are out of the Strong Abstinence Checklist. We have paper and we have pens.
Should have started this earlier.
If you if there someone at your table may have the Strong Abstinence Trifold, you can share with your table or someone sitting next to you. So share.
No bookstores.
[00:01:56] Speaker B: No.
[00:01:58] Speaker A: I was just asked if we have a bookstore at the convention and we do not.
There's no we know literature sales today or this weekend. Okay, let's sit down, let's get settled and we're going to open with a serenity prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
For my Timer, I have 10 minutes.
My name is Karen. I'm a compulsive overeater and food addict.
Hi everybody. I'm going to give you my stats because that's why we're here. I've been programmed 31 years. My top weight was 359 pounds. My current abstinence is 21 years some months.
I'm a card carrying, proud member of Overeaters Anonymous.
So the workshop, Strong Abstinence Checklist, it's a writing workshop. And I was thinking about this when I was semi preparing.
And what I have found is that I can talk myself into almost anything.
And when I first came into program that many years ago, I didn't want to be here.
It wasn't going to work, so why should I bother? But I went because my doctor told me to. And I was going to prove in 90 days that it didn't work. I would go back to him, do what I wanted.
31 years. I am still here.
And part of the reason why I'm here is because of abstinence.
For me, this is my journey. I had to put the food down before I could even think about working the steps.
I came in Angry, resentful, doubtful, questioning everything I saw and heard.
And my first reaction is to someone who was standing up looking pretty much like me. Oh, what did you lose, 20, 30 pounds? Yeah, you don't know anything. 359. I knew everything.
I had to learn that. So I had. I had a sponsor, got one that day, didn't want her, got her.
She gave me a food plan. And 31 years ago, we had a food plan. I had looked at that food plan. I said, I don't need anything on this food plan. I had two major food groups, flour and sugar. Other than that, there was sides, but those were my main.
She told me to call at a time, and I called late. This is the first day I was on a roll.
Got a little better at that.
But what she emphasized that first year was abstinence.
That was important because I had to get the fog out of my head, the food out of my brain before I could even hear anything. And then three months in, she said, you need to do a step work.
I did not want to go to another meeting.
Don't I do enough?
I went to the work. I did the steps in a closed step study. I did them.
I don't know who that person was that said, I don't want to, but I'm going to. That was not me. So I had to change and I had to look at.
Have I been abstinent today? These are the questions I'd have to ask myself.
How did I do today?
And I fought it. There was a time when I was working and it was 10:30 and I was hungry. So I said to her, I'm hungry at 10:30. My thought was, I'm going to get more food.
She said, ask God for help.
Now. What I wanted to hear. I asked God for help. And it worked. Because that day that I looked at the clock, 10:30, God, okay, I'm going to ask you for help. I don't buy it. I'm not invested in this, but I'm going to do it next time. I looked at the clock, it was noon, my lunchtime. And I said, I'm in big trouble because this works.
Okay, did I pray and meditate today?
If I do my checklist right now, I'm abstinent because I had my breakfast. I actually prayed and meditated this morning because I knew I was going to be on the run today. I did that.
Am I maintaining and working towards a healthy body weight?
Yes.
A miracle.
I have never been this size for the first 47 years of my life. I came in and programmed 47, 45. One of those doesn't matter.
I can't do math in my head anymore.
I've never been this.
This.
Being a fat kid, a fat teenager, a fat bride, a fat pregnant woman, all of that.
All of that. I get to be like this.
And that's a miracle and a blessing. But it's work.
It doesn't come easy because what's left up here is still sick.
This is never going to be good. It's going to be better.
Let me go through some of this is what I'm currently doing. Working for me to maintain abstinence.
If it's not working, you know what has to happen?
Change.
Who of us likes change?
One, I don't like change.
I don't like to do something different. And when I talk to my sponsor, she says, well, maybe we need to adjust.
Adjust means change.
And my first sponsor said, I made the mistake of saying this substance. I think I'm. I think I'm drinking too much of this.
And she said, just don't have it.
I had a very smart first sponsor. All my sponsors have been smart. Have I made an OA call today?
Actually, I have. Amazing. I have. Do I have an attitude of gratitude today? Oh, yeah.
Most every day I'm grateful even when things happen that I don't want things to happen.
Friday, a week ago Friday, I went to bed very distraught, and I said, God, one, I need to sleep. And I don't know how to fix this.
I don't know how to do this. I woke up the next morning, still thought, I don't know how to fix this. But I'm going to let it go. Went to my. In a group meeting. They had suggestions, they had some other issues.
Everything turned around.
I didn't fix it. God did.
Just a few more. How much time do I have?
Whoa, two minutes. Okay.
Did I plan my food today before program?
There was no planning. I opened my eyes.
That was the plan.
As long as I woke up, that was my plan. So I'll tell you what I did to come here this weekend.
I packed all my breakfasts. I packed all my lunches. I had coolers. I had two coolers. One with my Friday, one with my meals. Had a refrigerator. I brought all my other. They're all lined up. Good thing I don't have a roommate. There is not a surface for a roommate to put anything down because I brought my scale, I brought my liquids that I need. I brought everything with me for what I knew I was going to dinner last Night, which was wonderful. And I'm going to the banquet tonight and I have enough to get me home.
So I plan. You know, I didn't. I never liked the slogans in oa. I'm sorry. I didn't like them because I thought they were foolish.
But planning to. Failing to plan is planning to fail.
Thank you. And you can kid yourself. I could. I could kid myself. Oh, they'll have what I need.
I can't tell. I go to my family's Thanksgiving, the only thing I don't take is the turkey because that's the only thing I'm guaranteed they're going to have.
They know it. They know I've been eating this way for a very long time. The family knows me.
I'm not willing to take that chance. Today I go to restaurants. I call ahead. I look online. Now we can look online and see a menu.
I'm not taking a chance. I had one relapse, Scared me because I was back in a heartbeat. Only gained 40 pounds. But that was in two months.
I'm not taking a chance ever again. God willing, today I'm absent. Okay. Thank you.
[00:12:57] Speaker C: Your phone.
[00:12:58] Speaker A: No.
[00:12:58] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:12:59] Speaker A: We're actually being. We're being recorded. So that's why my phone is up here. Did I press start?
[00:13:04] Speaker C: We look out for each other up here.
[00:13:06] Speaker A: You know what?
My ability to handle technology is limited.
I was not recorded. But you will be recorded.
So you guys can go and say she was awesome, but we're the only.
[00:13:24] Speaker C: Ones that know you are awesome. Thank you. You are awesome.
All right, perfect. Okay, 10 minutes. Woo. I can talk fast too. Hi, everybody. I'm Jackie A. From Connecticut. It's a pleasure.
[00:13:39] Speaker D: Woo.
[00:13:40] Speaker C: I am definitely foodaholic.
So really Quickly, I am 35 years old and I've been in program officially since September 6th, Monday, which is Labor Day. And I'm going to tell you about, quickly, the weekend before I came into program and how that has changed. So on Friday night I went to. I played mini golf and I turned down ice cream. And on Saturday I went to, I think whatever. I think it was Saturday or Sunday. I went to a 12 step program treatment facilities, alumni weekend. And I used to work at one and I was very angry because there was a lot of food and I was embarrassed by the person that I was with that I was going to marry and that they were binging. And I didn't want to engage in that because. Because I wanted to look good because I'm a number one class A faker. So I. And you know, I was like, well I don't have to eat that. And then I was like, I'll sneak it in. So, so that night I, my ex and I got into a big fight and I was tired of it because I was going to be in my opinion, an early, an early widow and my brother in law was going to get all the insurance money. And I was like, I am not marrying you to not get anything out of this and be an early widow. And I'm not. And, and that changed and I'll tell you why in a second. So, so he said, I both, I think we both need OA and I'm, I'm going to work a different program and I think you need it. And I had been in no way, but I was a deserter and returner and I forgot it even existed. And, and I said, you're right, you're right. And he's like, I'm willing to do couples counseling too and, but we'll talk tomorrow. So he stood me up the next day, which was Labor Day, we were going to go hiking and instead I was pissed the night before and I decided if you're not going to eat the food that I made for you. And he was gaslighting me, I said that I'm going to fucking eat it. And I did at midnight. And that was my last binge. I ate all his breakfast and of course mine.
And so that morning I, you know, threw up my middle fingers in a sense and went paddle boarding with my dog. And this was something that I had always done. It was, I'd always exercise bulimic. So I probably paddled about four and something miles that day, about four hours.
And I took my picture there. About 30 pounds heavier than what I am now. And that day on the way home I called some of you might know I'm going to name drop in this program. Ms. Martha from the Western Connecticut Intergroup in Western Mass. And she picked up the effing phone on Labor Day and I didn't understand that people did that but of course people in 12 stop pick up the phone no matter what. But, and I should know that because I worked at a 12 step treatment facility but you know, went out the window and so I'm like crying in the driveway talking to her at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. And I kicked out my ex at 5. And you lived together. And so now I'm living with a man who's still there, but not, I'm not getting married to him anymore. And I'm like, well, not sleeping in the bedroom with you. So I'm going to bring my laptop to my guest bedroom and I think I'm going to be here for a while. And I sat on my laptop on my bunk bed and everybody from the New Canaan meeting was right there in front of me at the Canaan meeting and so it kept me in program because I was just like, you gotta leave and I gotta stay. So he didn't want to do LA and I needed it. So I have been abstinent from binging, restricting and exercise bulimia since that day.
And I had two choices back then, go to treatment yourself or biatch. You just ducked and weaved through all this clinical work. I'm a licensed clinical social worker and I fooled everybody. And I talked about it this morning when I shared this morning because I forgot how much service I signed up for.
And I initiated myself with food and alcohol and other behaviors that I hit a mental illness. I have bipolar one. So, you know, I'm a hyper person and I have dyslexia. So it was pretty normal to people that I was staying up all night. And trauma response, they didn't know who I was and what I was doing. So my behaviors changed a lot. And I realized that I needed to work a lot of meetings. So I didn't do 90 and 90. I did about 700 and something in 365 days plus. So I went on a 7am meeting. A vision for you. And I went on a 7pm meeting. I met some of the closest effing people in my life on the newcomers group the next day. And I'm looking at them and they saved my life from self destruction. When I say bipolar one, I'm talking homicide people.
A lot of anger came out in my fourth step. I've never been convicted of a felony and I've never been arrested because, you know, I dated the cops and tried to be one and I never got divorced because I didn't marry him.
But what I met in this program, humbly, is that I wasn't a widow, but I met a lot of widows worse. And I learned I had to lose a lot of humility. So let me go back. That meant losing the weight on God's time. So I'm going to quickly look at the tools because I am, you know, I knew how to treat others, but of course I didn't know how to treat myself. So I got my sponsor handed to me. By my third day in program, I didn't know who the hell she was.
My sponsor, Auntie Said, I think you should talk to this woman. And she felt like Charlie's Angels to me because I didn't know who she was. Even six months into meeting with her, had no idea who she was. She told me what to do, and I was like, okay, I'll do anything in my punk. My God is a bigger punk than I am. I am minuscule atoms compared to how big of a higher power I have. And they kept me right on here. And the guilt of going back to what I was before kept me honest for the first time in my life. So my plan of eating, I was a nighttime eater.
Again, the bulimia of me. I had acid reflux so bad that if I didn't eat in the middle of the night that I would burn. And so putting down nighttime eating was really hard, especially when I would exercise late at night so I'd be hungry. So my sponsor and I created a plan where I eat four times a day. My calories are spread out, all my nutrients are spread out throughout the day because a lot of times after work, I would work out with my dog. And that's my meditation as we walk together. And that's my time with God or time with meetings. And everybody goes in my fanny pack. A lot of you have been in the fanny pack to paddling or hiking.
So my plan of eating actually gets sent to another woman here and gets sent to my sponsor. I happen to be a food sponsor because I do believe that if you work with a professional, an actual professional, and they give you a meal plan and you can work it and be honest with it. And so I like being other people's food accountability buddies too, because nobody knew what I was eating before and nobody knew what I was shutting out.
My sponsors have had five, actually six.
Five of my sponsors has relapsed before I did. I have had sponsors that have had 33 years abstinence and went down. I had sponsors that I met from a vision for you that I heard God in. They helped me get through steps two and five up to that ones, they went down. I had a sponsor who I worked with for two months, and I realized that we weren't a fit only sponsor. We weren't a fit. We're on same relationship meetings together in recovery and for away. And I love her dearly and I understand why more now.
My current sponsor right now, she's amazing and I love her, but I feel like she's absent. So I really have to work my other tools because I need to make sure that I'm Okay. And my sponsor is no more important than this pen. She is just a tool. Which I learned. And I've had male ones too. I'm part of the LGBTQ community. I'd take a day, any day.
But I realized that sponsoring and doing 12 steps is a non negotiable. Having a sponsor is a tool. My meetings, like I said, oh, I've gone to a lot.
I need them. I need to see other people, I need to meet other people. And that's the first time I ever heard God.
I went to support a family member at their AA meeting. When I was younger, I remember seeing a whole bunch of grungy men smelling like cigarettes, drinking Dunkin Donuts cups. And I remember sitting for the first time in my life going, this is where God is. And it took me a while to figure that out. More, my telephone. This is 14, 1500 dollars.
I need my telephone. I needed it all to talk to you, to go on Zoom meetings, to read my daily meditations, to do my tracking for my meals, for my 10 steps, 11 steps. I needed to read prayers.
I text everybody. I call people, and I FaceTime and sometimes people on top of mountains, my OA brothers, I get to FaceTime them with my dog. And it's beautiful. My writing is a lot. A lot. I brought my journal here.
I write my 11 steps out when I'm not. I can't do them by phone and they take me about 45 minutes. And I journal every night with Oracle cards. And it helps me get in touch with my God and goddess and it helps me understand what my higher power, what my blind spots are, and how to surrender literature. I read seven daily readers plus, just for today's. I made a promise to myself that when I eat, I'm not this. And I. And I read. And I'm dyslexic, so I read in 15 minute segments throughout the day. I pull out my readers. At lunchtime, I sat on my picnic table with my dog. She sits in the backyard, lays in the grass. And I eat at every fourth, every meal throughout the day. And I focus on how can I be a better person? Because before, I just hid who I was as a person.
My action plan is tenacious again, Bipolar one. I have a lot of fucking energy. And so I take on a lot and I have to surrender a lot. And I go, if this is what you want me to do, God, then I will. And the benefit about being a social worker, okay, I'm out of time.
I have to surrender to the flex in anonymity. My last name stays anonymous unless people get my email. And then sometimes I knock it off. And my service, obviously you can see it, but it's just showing up and asking my higher power what they want me to do. And that's it. And I take orders. Okay now, thank you.
[00:24:53] Speaker A: Okay, it says this workshop will end.
The workshop will end at 11:15.
And the rest of the time we'll hear from three minute pitches from the floor. The timer gentleman, right, first name Alan, will hold up a sign.
When you have one minute left, you're going to have to time. I don't think there's a three minute in there. So you'll have to time it and then go to one or signal them when it's the end. Okay, this is being. Now it's being recorded. So please say where you are from and how long you've been in oa, but devote your share to your OA experience on the topic, which is strong abstinence checklist.
I just lost my place.
If you wish to remain anonymous, please use a fictitious name or choose not to share. So we're now open for 3 minute shares.
I'm leaving.
You can't. Well, you can take this and write. Would you like a few minutes to write?
That's not what the format says, but do you want to take a few minutes to write?
Okay, I have two extras of these, but there's a table. Who doesn't have one?
Technology has saved us.
If you Google 12 stepping a problem. No. Strong absence checklist. Gentleman here says it will come up.
So this is. This is what we'll do. If you need paper or pen, they're up here. So let's take.
Does everyone have a strong abstinence checklist on the table? On your table? So we have someone who doesn't have.
Does anyone have more than one at your table? Let's share.
Anyone more than one?
Yep. Do you have a.
Okay.
Okay, so we're going.
Would you please, Alan, time us for.
Let's see what time it is. We'll give you 15.
[00:29:01] Speaker E: Minutes.
10 minutes.
10 minutes to write and then we'll have some sharing.
2 minutes.
[00:36:48] Speaker A: We want to have some time to share.
Okay. Like they used to say in school, pencils down.
Now we're open for three minute shares. Remember to say your name where you're from. If you don't want to be identified, you may not want to share, you may change your name or you can be. You can be Princess Diana, you can be anyone you like. So please line up. I'm hoping People are going to line up to share. Three minutes, Alan. Okay.
[00:39:01] Speaker F: Hi, I'm Lynne Reni. I'm from Montreal. I'm really happy to be here today.
Hi.
I'm coming up because I really want to hear myself.
And it's going to be the first time I say this out loud. Even I don't think I've said it even to sponsors. I've been in the program for 10 years and then trying to get out of a relapse here.
So I took the one I didn't like because I know that contrary action leads to contrary thinking. So it's number three. I'm afraid to get abstinent. Why? So I'm going to try to do this without tearing up here.
I'm afraid of getting abstinence for sure. Who will I be? The perfect little bitch in my family. Because now I'm the only one who's going to be at a good weight.
Who will I be in away in the rooms? The one that thinks she knows it all.
What will happen?
I will need to feel protected by something greater than me.
I will feel vulnerable and I will feel afraid of unfriendly humans. I will feel the jealousy of others and feel nobody will want to be my friend.
I will get weird attention from men and I won't know what to do with it.
I will go crazy by buying clothes.
I will focus even more on my body.
I will have loose skin and feel awful about it. I want to hide.
I will be so mad that I'll still not have a perfect body even after 50 years of trying.
I will be so mad that it was easy to lose weight and should have done it before feeling so stupid because losing weight is easy.
I will hate people that says, oh, my God, you look so nice. Wow, you're so beautiful.
[00:41:35] Speaker A: What?
[00:41:36] Speaker F: I was ugly before.
I will.
I will go in debt for sure for skin removing surgery. I'm already looking for numbers. I'm probably gonna go to Turkey, find the best deal there.
I will be so afraid of gaining it all back again, like everything I've tried before.
Thank you for listening.
[00:42:17] Speaker G: Hello, I am Rocky. I'm a compulsive overeater.
[00:42:21] Speaker A: Hello.
[00:42:23] Speaker G: I was expecting to come into this and have a perfect numbered checklist with really nice boxes that I could go out and I could say, oh, yes, this is abstinence. Look, I've done the thing.
And in sitting and writing, I am constantly reminded of my truth. That my abstinence is both a list of things that I have to stay really honest to but it's also the way that I live my life. And if I'm living my life but not doing the things on the checklist, I'm not living in recovery. And if I'm doing the things on the checklist but not living in the solution, I'm also not abstinent.
I have to have both. I have to keep doing the things that work and then I have to keep going out in my life. And I have to keep actively applying the things that I learn in OA to my relationships, to loving my body, to intimacy with my partner, to how I look at other people, how I look at their bodies, how I look at their food.
I have to remind myself that this is my program and the way that I work, my program is the only thing that's important. I have a problem with somebody else's abstinence and somebody else's food and the way that things that other people are doing. It's my job to bring it to my sponsor and to work through it and to be a better person because of the things that are part of my abstinence. And for me, my abstinence is all behavior based. Because I know for me that I have to let go of the checklists and I have to let go of the perfection and I have to let go of a lot of the control that I want to take in my life and I have to give it up to my higher power. And so for me.
[00:44:21] Speaker H: Thank you.
[00:44:22] Speaker G: Walking out of this room, Strong abstinence is my behaviors. Strong abstinence is my kindness. Strong abstinence is listening and being respectful and being willing to learn and be open. And I'm so appreciative for all of you for being here and listening. And thank you for everyone who's giving service. And I passed.
[00:44:54] Speaker B: Hi, everybody. I'm Lisa and I'm a compulsive eater and I'm from Danielson, Connecticut.
[00:44:59] Speaker A: Woohoo.
[00:45:01] Speaker B: So I really want to just F everything and run, but I'm going to face everything and recover.
So when I looked at that checklist, which I'm sure I've seen it, you know, I went to the writing exercise. I did a little on one, a little on two, a little on three. I skipped four because I don't want to. Oh, no, I skipped three. I didn't skip four. And then I went to number six. And what I'm just coming out of, I want to say I smashed my abstinence down a cliff, like into the rocky bottoms.
So I'm coming up on almost Three weeks. So two and a half weeks or so of reclaiming my abstinence.
The more I say it, the better it feels.
So when I read what steps do I take to remain abstinent in all my circumstances? I changed that to what steps will I take to remain abstinent in all circumstances?
And I needed to read this out loud, prayer, measure and weigh at home all my meals, because I know that I have control over that.
Report my meals honestly to my sponsor because dishonesty, that's what got me here and that's what brought me back out. Excuse me. And to practice meticulous abstinence, which when I heard that on a Sunday night meeting, I'm like, oh my God, I don't think I could ever do that. One day at a time, one meal at a time.
And this is the big one for balance, right?
Put my oxygen mask on first.
Let me say that again. Put my oxygen mask on first before I put it on everybody else. When I heard that, when I heard that flying the first time.
[00:47:17] Speaker G: I was.
[00:47:18] Speaker B: Not a mother at the time and I'm like, how could I do that with kids next to me? How can I do that today where my peace and serenity I am blessed. My peace and serenity counts more than everybody else's. So with that, I am responsible for that, for me. So thanks for letting me come up and share.
[00:47:50] Speaker I: Hi, I'm Karen. I'm a compulsive overeater.
Wow, look at all of you.
Thank you. This has been a great exercise. I came because it looked like I would be forced to write. This is a tool I do not use. I recommend it to sponsees and I don't practice what I preach.
And part of that is because it makes me feel deeply and that's hard sometimes. I don't always want what I feel when I write, but the fact is I get honest that way. It's really honest.
And when I think about my abstinence and maintaining my abstinence, honesty is really at the heart of it.
I can lie about anything, but if I lie about my food, I'm only hurting myself.
So I'm in a situation now where my wife and I are struggling in our relationship and I'm scared about what if we split up?
I have associated a lot of aspects of my abstinence with her.
She does a lot of the food related things in our family, in our household.
And so I start to think I can't do it without her. And I get frightened.
And I think about in the big Book where it says, no human power could relieve us of our alcoholism.
Well, do I really believe that the one relapse I had in these near 35 years or whatever of coming to program, the one relapse was when I split up with my former partner and lived alone for a period of time before I married my current wife.
So it's scary. There's some track record there.
So I just want to say it out loud and know that the key for me is honesty and that the tool for me may very well be writing.
[00:50:19] Speaker C: Thanks.
[00:50:27] Speaker H: Hi, everybody. My name is Kathy. I'm from Central Massachusetts.
I've been in OA for 27 years.
I did not come in to lose weight. When I came into program, I weighed 150 pounds. I wish I weighed 150 pounds. No, I don't. I came into program because I was seeing a therapist. I was clinically depressed and my marriage was falling apart.
It came up in therapy that I treated my stress and depression with food and that I had no sense of spirituality whatsoever. My therapist recommended oa.
I came, I stayed.
People show pictures a lot. If you were to look at pictures of me prior to oa, it would just be getting heavier and heavier. If you looked at my picture since I've been oa, it would be this kind of thing that you saw last night.
If you could take pictures of spirituality, you could see that spiritually I have recovered. In a way, I was focused on the spirituality. That's what my therapist sent me here for.
My depression has diminished to the point that I'm basically asymptomatic. I still have medication because I have chronic low grade depression. But between the medication and the program, I'm pretty much asymptomatic. The physical is one I have not attained.
I lost 65 pounds about 10 years ago, went into relapse, gained back 40 and lost another 25 pounds. I've been mostly maintaining that net 40 pound weight loss for about 10 years.
But I've been in relapse for the last several months and I gained 10 pounds and I'm scared.
I came to this convention deciding that I would go to workshops that. Thank you. That I would go to workshops that would be focused on helping me achieve and maintain abstinence. I've heard two really good gems here so far today. One of them was focus on abstinence. For the first year, I need to make abstinence my focus. I need to focus on the physical recovery. I started doing 90 meetings in 90 days a little over a week ago.
I counted last Night as a meeting. I'm counting this as a meeting. This will be number 10 of my 90 and 90.
I need to start over like a newcomer and focus on the abstinence. After 27 years, I need to start at square one and make abstinence my focus for the first year.
This workshop is a really good start. Thank you everybody.
[00:53:39] Speaker A: We have about time for one or two more. One at least.
Anybody?
[00:54:07] Speaker D: Good morning.
Thank you everybody for showing up and helping me be in recovery today.
I really. My name is Michelle. I'm from. I'm a gratefully recovering comfort compulsive over reader from Rhode Island.
Hi.
And so I too came to this meeting because I thought writing is a tool that I run from.
Especially when somebody says to me, you should do more of this. This is good.
[00:54:44] Speaker I: Not going to do that.
[00:54:45] Speaker D: Thank you very much. So I picked the. So I wrote a little. I give myself permission to do random writing right around in a circle, incomplete sentences, misspellings, scratching out. I give myself permission.
So I wrote on some other things and then I wrote on the number four question in the last part of the writing. Questions. Why do I think abstinence is important?
Food literally can act in my system like a drug or alcohol. It can have an effect on my body with the same intensity or devastation of response as drugs or alcohol.
There is a reason it's called subtle cunning, baffling and powerful.
If I find myself impatient, resentful, annoyed or some other color of out of sorts, I have been lucky enough within program to have cultivated an awareness of this change. Stop Review. What was I doing before this change? And often it is food. What was in the food that I just ate? Sugar. Which is to say more empowering. I can react to sugar in my food with self defeating actions. Self hatred, vengefulness, fear. I am just plain old off. So here's why abstinence is important. If I never stop, I never get the peace that gives me an awareness that there's a change I need to stop. One day, one hour, one week, whatever.
In the beginning it was like that one hour where I had the awareness that I had not thought about food for 60 minutes. I had not had a self defeating thought. I had not whatever was off. I had peace. It's in the promises in the program.
I encourage you to read the big book and look at those promises. Because I keep coming because I want that. Thank you.
[00:57:07] Speaker J: Hi everyone. I'm Princess Diana from Long island and I wasn't going to share because I shared at the last meeting. But God pushed Me out of my seat. So what am I currently doing that's working for me to remain abstinent? I'm sorry, is what I am currently doing working for me to remain abstinent. And I have to say today, yes, and it's good enough for today. There's a lot that I could still be doing, but just for today, these 24 hours being here, we're all abstinent today, and it's good enough.
You know, what I wrote down was really just a quick run through of my day. And probably the one thing that I do is I push myself to create better habits for myself. And so my day begins in what my children call my prayer chair. And they don't sit in it, they only let me sit in it, which is fine with me.
And I make conscious contact with God. You know, I start with my journal and I say, good morning, God. I invite and allow your power and your presence into my life today. Please lead me on my path to my highest good. I do it every day. I might not write anything after that. And that's good enough.
You know, next, I pack my food like I get you. I weigh and measure my food. I'm a food addict. I don't know when to start and stop. It's got to go on a scale for me.
I have to make sure that I'm not putting sugar in white flour and now grain. Thanks for that awakening.
But I've come to the realization that after 25 years that if I'm going to continue to try to eat the brown stuff instead of the white stuff, I might still get triggered. And do I want to go back?
I am a sponsor and I sponsor, you know, God doesn't have a direct line to me and so I have to hear him, her, the sunrise, the sunset, the wind, through other people.
One good thing I heard today is that, you know, I do eat my breakfast quickly. Going through emails of toxic people. So today I'm making the change that I'm going to eat my breakfast while I do a Daily Reader because that's really like putting in the good, right? I was born with the default file of that substance is going to make me feel better.
It's just a default file and so I need to change that file. And so today I'm going to make the commitment to read a Daily Reader. I have like five of them on my phone because I do everything compulsively.
And then the last thing that I wrote, and I'll finish with this because I think you told me two minutes. I am an overly busy lady. Even when I'm not working, I'm usually doing too much of anything I like.
I recognize this today as a symptom of my codependency and my denying of me finding out about who I truly am, what I am feeling, and communicating those thoughts and feelings with my partner and the people in my life that I love. And so today I'm going to make a commitment that I'm a speech pathologist, so I do after care. I'm only going to do one a day if I have to.
And with that, I'm going to put myself first and realize it's enough. Thanks.
[01:00:36] Speaker A: That's all the time we have for sharing. Thank you for attending this workshop.
If reach out to someone here. If you want to talk further on this, reach out to someone next to you, near you. Reach out. This is a program of we.
We're not in this alone. We can be alone. We don't have to make that choice.
So we're going to close with the Serenity Prayer.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. There's one other that I'd like to close with if you're comfortable holding hands. If not, that's okay.
You know, we're. We're not post Covid. We're not all better.
But do we all know that I put my hand in yours? That is my favorite because that takes me out of isolation. So I have cold hands. Oh, wow. You're not going to get much better here.
I put my hand in yours. And together we can do what we could never do alone. No longer is there a sense of hopelessness. No longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady willpower. We are all together now, reaching out our hands for power and strength greater than ours. And as we join hands, we find love and understanding beyond our wildest dreams. Have a good convention.
