Episode Transcript
[00:00:09] Speaker A: 09:45.
Let's begin with the.
[00:00:18] Speaker B: Things I can't.
[00:00:20] Speaker A: Okay, the topic of this one hour workshop is sponsorship. Taking the plunge, Ms. Karen. I'm a compulsive overeater.
I'm seated with Bruce. We are the co leaders for this meeting.
Each of us will have up to 20 minutes to speak. Then we open the room for sharers on the three minutes each this session recorded, hopefully oh backup.
This workshop will end at where to schedule 10:45. The rest of the time we'll have here three minutes. The timer is Marlene. Marlene will signal you when you have one minute left.
Okay. I was supposed to read that before the opening to the three minute shares. Okay, Taking the plunge. Sponsorship. So encouraging members to start sponsoring. So first of all I'm going to qualify. So my name is Karen. I'm a compulsive overeater. I've been an OA for 36 years and I've been abstinent for 34 years.
I just celebrated that actually at an in person meeting in Ottawa. I'm from Ottawa, Canada and when I came into OA in 1989, came into OA in 1989, I was 60 pounds overweight but I couldn't stop eating. I just couldn't stop eating.
And it seemed like food was my higher power. It was like the solution to all of my problems. However, it was that life.
So I had a bit of a slow start because I didn't get abstinent for two and a half years later because I didn't. Well, I just didn't kept thinking that I could do nine years old, I was young, thought I could do this. I don't need a big book of Alcoholics Anonymous when I'm not an alcoholic.
So I had a bit of a slow start. But the thing is I got into it. Just everything became more unmanageable and pain is a great motivator and there was a lot of pain. I was having trouble. I was living in the bedevilments in the big book and I do not have my big book here in front of me but basically having trouble in my relationships. I mean I was hitting my kids, I was having. Everything was dysfunctional and food seemed to be comforting until it wasn't.
So when I rendered to the program and actually did what my sponsors did, I remember being at a. I was at an OA retreat in 1991 in Ottawa.
Someone from New Hampshire came up to lead the retreat and I just surrendered. Nothing changes.
[00:03:11] Speaker B: Nothing changes.
[00:03:12] Speaker A: Something had to change and that was me.
I Started working the steps with my sponsor and I became abstinent and say, that was 34 years ago.
And so I did lose weight, but I gained a life.
The important. Gained a life. Like I have good relationships with my kids today and with my husband and with my friends. And I gained self esteem. And yes, just. But I. And yeah, so I lost weight, gained a life.
So this workshop is about sponsorship. And when I first, when I was in relapse in that first two and a half years, I had a sponsor in name only.
So if you walked up to me and said, karen, did you get a sponsor? I would say, yeah, I have a sponsor. I never once talked to her, but I had one.
And I remember at one point she had binged again and she was like, you're supposed to call me before you binge. And I said, yeah, but no, I didn't want to do that because you were going to talk me out of it. I mean, I was just so willful.
And so anyway, when I hit bottom and was in enough pain, I started doing what she suggested.
And that was, you know, I had young kids back then. Like My daughter was 6 months old and my son was 3.
And I remember my husband used to back then would say to me as I was getting better, he would say, are there not any more meetings you can go to?
Like you should be able to go more than once a week because you are a lot better when you're going to meetings. And I'm like, yeah, but don't you need me home with the kids?
He wanted me to go to meetings. So anyway, I started doing what my sponsor suggested. So a sponsor's role is to guide the sponsors through the 12 steps, help the sponsor discover a new way of living.
And of course there are different approaches to help people work the steps and how people sponsor. We have great literature and these are being being revised at World Service. This is going to become one pamphlet.
So we have sponsoring through the 12 steps, a guide for sponsors. So two. And I'm sure they have these on the literature table still two great pamphlets on sponsorship.
And so.
Excuse me. And then we have wonderful workbooks. Back then we didn't have what we have today. So we have the green book, the 12 Step Workshop and Study guide that people can use in a group or just one on one. I've done that, gone through that with Esponsee. We have the 0112 workbook.
We have Voices of Recovery for Today. Workbooks, like there's many options. So sponsors have different approaches.
But what we have in common is the love for the fellowship, desire to be of service, and understanding how to work the steps. So when I first started sponsoring, I had a year of abstinence and talked to my sponsor about whether I was ready. And she said, yes, you're ready. You share off to the level of your own recovery. You've got a year of abstinence, you're already on step four.
So someone asked me, and then I'm like, I gotta check with my father.
Of course she said yes, because, I mean, we all learned we can't keep what we have if we don't give it away.
So I started sponsoring and I learned how to sponsor from being sponsored, from having a sponsor, from doing what she was suggesting.
So, you know, I. So find. Find out what works for you and get started on your journey to recovery by going to a lot of meetings and hearing what people have to say. You know, I was attracted to someone's recovery and I asked if they were available. And many times you have to go through a few people before you sign one, Find one who's actually available because, you know, we can only. At one point, I had 15 quancy. I was crazy because I was like going from one call to the next and meeting people all over the city.
It was crazy. There was no balance in that. I do not suggest that I have a moderate number of quantities.
So my first sponsor had me read the stuff in each book in the A12 to 12 and the big Book. And she would give me questions and I would write on. I thought I only had to write on step four, I had to start writing on step one.
So I'm in the school of life here with the big book.
And so I've had four sponsors over the years.
Currently, I have had the same sponsor for the last 17 years. The advantage of having, you know, if it works, if having the same sponsor is they really get to know you.
Like when I. We have a regular call on Sunday evenings and when I'm giving her a piece of step work because she knows me so well over 17 years, she'll point things out that I. Because she's objective, she's fine tuning the inventory. And I'm like, oh, yeah, how did I miss that?
So it's really. For me, it helps to have the same person. She always directs me back to the steps, and she's honest with me.
She helps me to see the truth when I can. And I want to see the truth because the truth will set me free.
She also encourages me to take care of myself. You Know, having rest, having meditation.
Okay, so sponsoring style is different. I was listening to someone the other day at dinner and they were saying they have sponsee calls every half hour for two hours in the morning, and they call every day.
So that's an option to call every day. Some people, generally I take like once a week, but then people send in their food or there's like texting and there's various way. Ways of doing things. But I, I found a sponsor who had what I wanted and I asked her how she was doing it. We discussed expectations of each other.
You know, what do you expect from me? Do you need a daily call?
I may not be the right person because I don't generally do a daily call.
So try it out for 30 days and with, you know, you can re examine it after a month and see if it's still working out. Sponsors are not professionals. We are not marriage counselors, therapists, financial advisors, nutritionists. We're not doctors.
We're just abstinent, recovering, compulsive eaters living the 12 steps to the best of our ability.
I give you what I have, and then it's between you and God, because I can't control the results. I can't fix anybody, even though sometimes I want to. I can't fix anyone.
And sometimes I want it more for the sponsee than they want it for themselves.
Someone said at a meeting the other day, I will carry you, but I won't carry. I will guide you, but I won't carry you.
So we guide that person along, but we don't do it for them.
So there's different types of sponsors.
A step sponsor. Some people have a food sponsor, a service sponsor, a temporary sponsor, someone to just help them get started.
We have this lovely where do I start pamphlet and there's something called the first 12 days in OA. And Bruce is going to talk a bit more about that.
And I lost my place. Okay, so. And I do, so I do, I do have scheduled calls with my, with my sponsors and with my sponsor.
And we discuss like, if there's no actual step work, like, what's going on, how's your food, what is your contact? What's your, how's your connection with your higher power?
If there's something going on and no one's clear, after talking about what it is, write a Dear God letter.
Bring God in and the solution, the higher power, and write your God letter. I have to do that frequently.
I do expect my sponsors to go to meetings, use the tool, and then stay in Contact with me. It's not my job. If I haven't heard from you in a month to call you, you should be contacting your sponsor.
However, I do reach out because I want to make sure the person's okay. So a lot of people, some people do co sponsoring where they sponsor each other that while at one point. So but the idea is that yes, I become friends with my sponsees, but it's not a business really. I mean we're not just chit chatting about life. We're here to recover.
So we want to keep focusing it back to the steps.
I like to use the big Book, my sponsoring because that's how I was raised. I was raised on the big book in the AA 12 and 12, OA 12 and 12 is wonderful.
It really is. I really love the OA 12 and 12. So I've incorporated a lot of that in there too.
So when we were preparing for the so one of the feedback from the convention in previous years was that the speakers were not prepared.
So this year's program committee sent us questions to focus on to help us prepare for the talk for all of these workshops. Unless you signed up today, you've had time to prepare and the program committee has done a wonderful job.
And so here are the questions that
[00:12:40] Speaker B: I was to focus on.
[00:12:41] Speaker A: What held me back from beginning to sponsor? Well, first of all, I wasn't abstinent for the first three years. So I didn't have what anybody wanted. Nobody asked me.
So that kind of held me back. But in my first year when I got abstinent, I was developing a relationship with God as I understand him. And I was really focused on building a firm foundation in the first three steps. Then I started my step four, the scary step four, which after doing so many of them, I didn't think I had anything to share because that low self esteem thing and I sponsored it. We learned by doing it. And when we start talking to another compulsive overeater, a newcomer, someone who's coming back from relapse, we realize how much we do have to share.
Even though I'd been sitting around in the meetings for three years, not abstinent, I was still learning stuff.
And then I had a year of absence. I started sponsoring, you know, the acronym for binge believing, I'm not good enough.
So there was a lot of that going on in my thinking as well.
And I just kept thinking, well, I know how to do this.
That's why it's great to have a sponsor who encourages you again. I Can't keep what I have if I don't give it away.
It's like step 12 is all about service.
Okay. How did I overcome my fears of becoming a sponsor? By doing it.
By praying and asking my higher power, whom I choose to call God, for help turning it over. And when someone asked me and I said yes, I started doing it. And it was not as scary as I thought it was. And absolutely love sponsoring them.
We learned to sponsor by having a sponsor. What made me decide it was time to start sponsoring?
So it was drilled into me by my sponsor at the time that I can't keep what I have if I don't give it away. How many times am I going to say that? But repetition is important. We learn by okay. And I wanted to stay abstinent because I had gotten abstinent. I was a year abstinent, and I wanted to keep it. And I could see the difference, as could my husband and my children. And so I wanted to stay obstinate. Now, in the big books, there is a reference in the Roman numeral. He suddenly realized that in order to save himself, he must carry his message to another alcoholic. I believe that's the first must in the big book. Must carry my message. I can't keep this to myself.
This seemed to prove that one alcoholic could affect another as no non alcoholic could. It also indicated that strenuous work, one alcoholic with another, was vital to permanent recovery. Well, I'd like to have permanent recovery, you know, one day at a time. I have to keep doing the stuff I did yesterday, today, you know, one day at a time.
I want to, and it does. It is strenuous work at times.
But I love the service and the sponsorship. Supportive resources help me to start sponsoring. Going an AA 12 and 12. The Green Book, which is the 12 step workshop, the study guide, the big book. And then as I mentioned, this where do I start Pamphlet, which is great. A newcomer needs to know and the guide for sponsors and sponsoring through the 12 steps.
How does sponsoring help my own recovery?
By sharing with a sponsee. I reinforce what I need to do myself. Walking my talk. I was actually sharing at a virtual meeting a week ago.
I heard myself say something and I'm like, wait, when did you do that last? So that day I wrote step work.
So it's helping, you know, doing service. Sponsoring keeps my own side of the street clean. My job is not to tell people what to do, but to tell them what works for me and share my experience, strength and hope I had years ago. I went through breast cancer. And I stayed abstinent through my journey of recovering from breast cancer.
And then two years later I had a sponsega breast cancer. And we connect. I was. We were able to. I was able to guide her through like sharing my experience. Yes, it was different cancer react differently. But it was just another way I could be of service.
Okay. Benefits of sponsoring I feel connected. I feel like I'm a part of this fellowship, the fellowship that supports me while the steps are changing me because. Because it's a we program. We don't do any of this alone. This is a we program and it's a way to express my gratitude to OA for my abstinence.
It's such a pleasure and an honor to witness someone's transformation. I actually have a sponsee here who yesterday celebrated two years of abstinence and I got to see her and hug her in person because she lives in the States and I'm in Canada.
So that was neat. We don't get to see each other in person very often. I'm very grateful for my sponsees and my sponsors. The passage in the Big book on page 89 in working with others I love to read. Life will take on new meaning to watch people recover, to see them help others. To watch loneliness vanish. To see a fellowship grow up. About you to have a host of friends. This is an experience you must not miss.
We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. And really, time is the real price of recovery.
Take time to go away from your family and spend a weekend in Rochester. Time to go to meetings. Maybe not as much time now that we're a lot of meetings are virtual, but still an hour away from your life.
Whatever you're doing, it takes time.
I used to go to four face to face meetings a week in Ottawa. It takes time to sit down and do my writing. It takes time to plan a convention. I'm on the committee. It takes time to do service. But freedom isn't free. I have to work for it. I have to put something into this to be free.
And the last thing I'm getting close to the end of my time. In the Big book on page 181, Dr. Bob said, I spend a great deal of time passing on what I learned to others who want and need it badly. I do it for four reasons. 1. Sense of duty.
2. It is a pleasure.
3. Because in so doing I am paying my debt to the man who took time to Pass it on to me four because every time I do it I take a little more insurance for myself against the possible Together we can do what we could never do alone and I think my time is up so I am very grateful I have this and thank you for listening
[00:19:33] Speaker B: I
[00:19:33] Speaker C: am a compulsive eater My name is Brooke welcome Good morning everyone I am coming from Aaron is my sponsor we did not plan this we signed up for this workshop separately I didn't know we were doing this together until we got the email from the coordinator saying oh the two of you are here some questions well that works out very well So I started OA in 2000 been absent since 2005 I remember going you know going to my first meeting and I'm from a very large family he shared that he came from a family of I didn't be so much of my brother and I could never my brother so I'm going to ask him to be I get along with him maybe they'll trans yeah this guy was a and so he would a lot of suggestions to do which I probably like I got here's here's questions on step one here's some questions being an academic I loved homework one time so this guy had a heart attack he's sitting on a bed he has enough car he'd go for about eight or nine hours and so he goes okay sit down I'm going to teach you how to do step four have half of that tenacity I think I'll be okay oh it's kind of like going going to a you know kind of going to get any length I'm not suggesting that you need to have a heart attack to be cancer you can do it in fact as Karen mentioned earlier really optional you have two days of abstinence you can talk to someone with one and what I would like to share about now is and Kenjin Marin mentioned try again Karen mentioned pamphlet which is also on sale and I have some handouts for you bringing up for the whole class I think I have like nine or ten of these so why are you meeting people that are next to you so the world service office created this document it's called temporary the newcomers first 12 days when I was at a meeting and if they would go over these 12 days there's a bit of a crisis in overeaters it isn't the lack of members it's the lack of sponsors particularly men it's not easy to be somehow tied with every other guy in Ottawa region whether I'm directly sponsoring or they're my sponsor. Sponsor Sponsee. Sponsee I should say what I did is I want to learn how to do this. So I asked my sponsor Karen like can you teach me how to do this? And she had just happened to have done it with someone else. I was like, yes.
The way this works, it doesn't have to be for someone who's brand new. This could be a good refresher for anybody in the program to work with your own. Also it helps remember what it was like before I got here because I just sort of coast on my laurel and think yeah, everything's going well. I write about some stuff like oh yeah, I'm going to read.
What is the purpose of the first 12 days in OA? To help newcomers, returning OA members and other members learn about the OA 12 Step Recovery Program. Short term introduction to ovary autonomous.
Also to help sponsees how the OA recovery program might get them to stop hurting themselves.
Help members who may be ready to sponsor but are reluctant to do so. This is an opportunity for a member to help a newcomer in a very structured way and to experience what it might be like to be a regular sponsor an intro course. Are you ready to sponsor? Well, Go like if you've been in these, you're going to know what's an open meeting fellowship. You know, these are the different questions that GO program takes place during 12 sessions which may or may not occur in 12 consecutive days. When I did this once a week we'd rearrange their writing and then we would meet on there and then we would discuss Some of those were like instead of having day five and six together because they kind of flow together and I've been in the program long enough that there was no need. I mean it's all going to depend on the person working it. I mean you know to every, you know, 12 days a day perhaps maybe every Saturday after you're going to an in person meeting and then you meet afterwards for another hour. I mean I do that when I learn about this. I wanted to be that guy like I'll be the temporary sponsor. So what he raises their at our meetings due temporarily or otherwise.
I hope that when you hear that question when you go back available for free online I will say that this the program that I that's online and that I shared matches the pamphlet 12 read this on page pamphlet is 20 pages and the printout on PDF is 18 so they're not always going to match.
So if you're working with somebody that is using the online version.
Just go through it first to make sure what we're trying we're returning your calls. Share the experience, strength and hope you have offered by working the 12th without dominating the conversation and without judging this poncee Share just enough to draw them out, answer their questions and encourage their unique process and recovery that are not OA approved as well as diets and other Remember, this is important. It is not your responsibility to force someone to be abstinent nor is it possible. The journey of the sponsee is between that person and their higher power. Therefore support.
So looking at the sheet in front of you, there's the A then the subject in reading for the sponsee and the definition question. So for example day one 15 questions. Familiar with the 15 questions and to read each one it says read dear newcomer through you are not allowed on pages one to three and that includes the 15 says ask and discuss.
Review the 15 questions. Ask your response to circle the question. They are, you know, if they're a compulsible reader, discuss the responses. Response C. The importance of working the steps is a vital part.
The idea is that you are sharing this experience with your sponsor. It is also homework for you. You are going to read the part of the pamphlet you are going to write out or circle the questions. And the 15 questions you are going to write out some answers now and I shared them in advance through email. We discussed them online. That's communicating that way through zoom. So even if you're from a different, you know, two different countries telephone as well. I mean there's, there's a like what I just want to say like need to do this.
Many of them, what works best for you and the rest of the days kind of follow the same pattern.
By the end of the 12 days you and your person you're working with read the entire pamphlet, kind of like the master course and how it works Sometimes they would have never heard of a 12 step program in their lives and they were by, by the water. People come in through the doors of another 12 step program and they feel that oh well I've got this in the bag. So I know all about 12 steps. That was my case. That's how you play hockey and you're trying to play ring.
Last thing that I wanted to mention about this, somebody asked to be you and say would you be my sponsor? Perfectly acceptable. You 12 days, all acceptable. Generally when somebody asks me to be their sponsor, I will give you 30 days. In the meantime, go to as many meetings as you can and listen to people. They'll find somebody will resonate with them because that's how I found my sponsor.
When now in some cases after the 30 days they're like I would like to keep you on a sponsor. Sometimes I can and sometimes I can't because I know what my limits are. I know how much time I have to sponsor and then just ignore them. The great thing about this pamphlet is like 12 days. I asked them we have a pamphlet. I'll recommend it. Because when you're new, try to remember your first meeting. You have no idea what's with these people.
Why can't they eat a cookie? What the hell is going on the 12 day work it with your sponsor just to get an idea how it works and then start spreading it. With the time I have left, I go to those questions that held me back from beginning to sponsor.
I was scared I was going to say something.
Eventually my first sponsor came to me and said okay, ready to sponsor. So the next person that asks feeling he probably set that up.
But sometimes if your sponsor is suggesting something from your higher power, but probably from your higher power because the the universe is aligning.
I've had. Thank you. I've had people like if you, you know, if you've been here for two days, you can sponsor up to the point where haven't done step four and five. Go to 1, 2 and 3 as you go forward. How did I overcome my fears of becoming. Well, partly it was I did some step work gave away my fears. That way I do not have the power. I just have to be honest not there to tell people what's not a marriage counselor. I am not even tell people what food plan. They're the ones who are going to decide it. My job is to help them work how I did it. In this day who has a very different food plan than mine. All I need to know is what your plan is. So that if you're giving me your plan and you're sort of veering away from it, I'm going to call you on that.
What supportive. What baby decided it was time to start sponsoring? Well, when I'm making an individual decision, when somebody asks me usually permanent sponsor I have to make the decision. Like I mentioned before, there aren't any male sponsors.
So I try to give the attention. Sometimes I will go to another sponsor like you know what?
Again, like I don't. I don't believe that this is optional. I believe we have to give away what we've gotten. Otherwise the resources help me to Start sponsoring. How does sponsoring help my own program?
Well there's these other. There's the pamphlets and the sponsorship kit. I have a sponsor and I can ask my sponsor. Interesting situation. What do you other members A lot of long term benefits help out Sometimes you need to.
One thing I've learned is loving detachment for all the issues that happen in people feel for them. And I sometimes help out because I'm a lawyer by training but that's not my job.
The best thing I could say is like you may want to go see a lawyer and it's not me.
And how does sponsoring help my own program? Best thing is that I get a reminder of what I used to be like. I sponsor people that have relapsed.
I have had conversations where I've said something and then I listened like I realized like where did that come from?
One of the promises that says we know how to handle situations that used to be life a long time and they usually sponsor because I will have said something maybe that you know that happened to me or maybe sponsor told me another member told me make up anything really I'm just the end of the questions and information about how the
[00:31:31] Speaker A: I want to mention these pamphlets have questions and I recently went through all of these questions and I'm not sure I'd ever really spent that much time in this pamphlet before. It's great. And at the back of the guide for sponsors are 30 questions and we went through that as well. So there's so many like so much we have such literature available to us. So anyway I just wanted. Okay. And now I will read what I started to read before. Okay. This workshop will end at 10:45. For the rest of the time you will hear three minute pitches from the floor. The timer Marlene will signal you when you have one minute left. If you would like to share, please form a line at the front of the room. We remind you that this session is being recorded and your sharing demonstrates your consent to be recorded. If you wish to remain anonymous, please use a fictitious name or choose not to share.
Please say where you are from, how long you've been in OA and devote your share to your OA experience, strength and hope. On the topic of this workshop topic is sponsorship taking the punch. The meeting is now Marlene compulsive overeater. Hi Marlene from Toronto, Canada.
As a Canadian here who I see it a lot of my meetings I just thank you so much Karan because you guys mean but that's what we get like how on earth would I have met Karen Or Bruce in Ottawa. I live in Toronto. I never would have met them or did end, you know, I just. I'm so blessed. And that's the thing. But that's the truth. I came back to OA in 97 after having lost my weight and then did the steps. And of course, I knew back and I knew I had to do it differently. And I got a sponsor and I actually called her, which is. And I've been blessed with great sponsors.
I think I've been with my current sponsor. Ever talk about food from her. I need guidance to bring everything back. And we talk once a week.
And sponsees are concerned, I have to tell you. Oh, you like what I have, babe? Okay. Currently I have seven sponsees. Two from Waterloo, Ontario, two from Ottawa, and now I just bought a new one. I was at a retreat at the beginning of a hosha.
And, you know, they're just such a blessing in my life, more than I help them. That's the way it works. You know, we can't do this. Probably you couldn't stay sober. And I'm the type of sponsor I'm not afraid to say to somebody, you know. Last one that I picked up in Scotia, she had been. We sat down for breakfast Saturday morning. I didn't know her at all. By Sunday morning, we knew everything, and she was struggling. I said, okay, I'll sponsor you. So now we meet on Zoom once a week. We're going through the checkbook, like, what a blessing that is. You know, Zoom. I love why it came about, because I, you know, as I get older, I don't want to be driving everywhere. And Toronto is a big city, so I go to at least five meetings a week from my time is almost up. I just want.
[00:34:37] Speaker B: I'm Margaret Ann, and I am a compulsive overeater. I used to eat compulsively.
I'm from Cambridge, Massachusetts, and also up here, like, for a long time, but in, you know, in the spirit of anonymity. You're all very special to me. So I came into Overeaters Anonymous in February of 1990 as 215 pounds of chain smoke. Idol fun.
And it took me some time, most of a year, to get abstinence. And I, by the grace of God, have not had to give that gift back.
And sponsorship, of course, has been a
[00:35:13] Speaker A: huge part of that. My first.
[00:35:15] Speaker B: I remember it's a little vague.
My first sponsor, I didn't get for some time, and she was very sweet, very easygoing. I don't know if it was just her nature or if she knew that I was going to push back against much.
She never gave me a plan of eating. She simply encouraged me to work the program.
We worked together for, I would say no more than a year and a half. But after I became abstinent, I don't remember how long it was, she asked me, when are you going to start sponsoring? And I was pretty scared. And I have to say that I have had the occasion now to make amends to some of those early sponsees. And I did it with a great deal of force.
One of the ways that sponsorship has grown me up. As a dear friend of mine, it really showed me the difference between passing on my experience transit help. Ellen, Peter, what to do. I love knowing what you should do. Take my advice. I'm not using it.
[00:36:13] Speaker A: But as has been said here so many times, the thing that I hear
[00:36:17] Speaker B: coming out of my mouth is, yeah, that's right. If I'm encouraging you to make a phone call, when am I going to make a phone call?
[00:36:24] Speaker A: Today. Oh, one minute left.
[00:36:26] Speaker B: You know, currently I have, I'm trying to count how many sponsors because I have just one that I talk to six days a week, her food.
On that day that she doesn't call me, I have another sponsee that I've taken through the 12 steps. She is now texting me her food. We speak once a week because she, you know, got to a place. I said, you know, maybe that'll help you just feel a little more grounded right now. What's different I think now is I've sponsored enough. One of the things it says in that is that I'm not responsible for anybody's abstinence and I cannot make someone's
[00:37:04] Speaker A: discovery for me for them.
[00:37:06] Speaker B: An image that I like is if you try to help a butterfly out of a chrysalis, you're baby called a butterfly. I have to come to my insights, man. I have someone I'm sponsoring right now. I want so badly for her to get out of the relationship she's in.
And it, you know, that's not my job. My job is to help put hand in her higher power tan by helping share with her how I've been guided by the choices. For me like that I'm just grateful
[00:37:33] Speaker A: for the sheer amount.
[00:37:34] Speaker B: Somebody say once and I'm a little sponsored. I don't have time.
[00:37:38] Speaker A: Hi, I'm Paulette, a compulsive overeater.
[00:37:42] Speaker B: I've been in the program about 20 years.
[00:37:45] Speaker A: Unfortunately, I haven't all those years I'VE been a little over a year ago they actually came up to me make that OA head.
[00:37:54] Speaker B: I'd be willing to be your sponsor. Me too. And it was really well with her everything.
[00:37:59] Speaker A: And so I started sponsors.
[00:38:02] Speaker B: And you know, I have those two pamphlets.
[00:38:05] Speaker A: But when I saw that this was
[00:38:10] Speaker B: on the program, I'm like, I really
[00:38:12] Speaker A: need to go to that.
[00:38:13] Speaker B: I need some guidance. And it's not. It's. I need just a little bit more help.
[00:38:19] Speaker A: I'm really glad I came because I took how what I'm supposed to do.
[00:38:25] Speaker B: I realized and you're talking that I
[00:38:28] Speaker A: told somebody I sponsor them.
[00:38:30] Speaker B: The one person I realized I did
[00:38:32] Speaker A: try to tell that person what they can eat. And that is not my responsibility. So I have to make amends to that person. You know, that's what this And I'm so grateful.
So grateful that I never lost access.
[00:38:45] Speaker B: I've always came the fellowship taught me so much stuff.
[00:38:49] Speaker A: I'm just so grateful. And this I am already learning so much stuff about myself or learning that yesterday I learned I had a resentment I didn't realize I had. So no.
[00:39:01] Speaker B: So thank you very much, Ella. I've been an OA since Keen.
I just talk about the. I actually came to this workshop with the opposite perspective a long time because I nine years ago through immediately activates that and I feel like me and it just.
It hasn't worked. But it's funny. I just so badly want to go through this study quote unquote. And I'm a great therapist, great nutritionist. But really I'm craving that kind of spiritual support through the OA program.
So I'm at a point where I want to like really to others. Some things I've been reflecting on recently what I want in sponsorship. Like another reason I think it's taken me a while. I haven't actually ever found someone. I don't think I want what anybody else had. True. Nobody else has my relationship with fear and I don't have anybody else's. So there isn't going to be anybody's program people whose programs I and you know, I'd like to win. But I want to do things the way you know, with my and you know what I really want in sponsorship is a confidant. And it's really a witness. It's not a guide. My higher power is my guide and my life when I've turned to another. So I'm trying to kind of find my voice here and figure out like how can I articulate what my wants and needs are and have that validated not be told like that's me controlling or that's not appropriate et cetera.
Yeah I just want to say it is and I feel like it's I've been kind of kind of blunted at 16 because of being so afraid of and I really want to go through program and because my goal to that but not be unless I am really honest and talk through kind of and was really inspired.
Hi everybody my name is Cathy C. I am covered compulsive overeater just for Montreal. Thank you for all your shares wonderful And I always love you All I want to add is that my spouse that you know knowing that you have to work with someone you are ever going to stay in the 12th step it actually says that you know practice shows working with another you know will keep me immune Immune from what? Immune from mental obsession from coming back and so you know actually helped me work is what this is and I needed that I needed another view. My mind was all about food all about you know trying to figure it out and relationship with power is a problem but not the problem and the problem relationship with God. And so the motive today is to my daily I live I sponsor I'm always open to sponsor is where I see God There is I can see God needing my private life as well as in OA and so I always ask my sponsees it comes to a
[00:41:40] Speaker A: point like oh I don't know if
[00:41:41] Speaker B: I'm ready Well again I had the very beginning right we were going to give what you have and do what you did just like what my sponsor I get easier and from the very beginning in prayer and meditation at least have get on a meeting or listen to a big book every day be tuned in hear the message hear others be of service to others get out root as my problem is really self centered relationship with power. Have I passed?
[00:42:06] Speaker A: Thank you.
My name is Megan. I'm a compulsive overeater.
Hi And I joined OA and it was a bad experience being sponsored People were mean and controlling and I think that's the only way they really knew how. It had a very bad effect on me and it delayed my absence. That's how I feel and the reason I'm saying that is because I implore people. I think it's really hard to not be controlling people what to do like it said to not force people to be a certain way have a certain food plan and one of the ways that I don't have a sponsor I did have a sponsor for about maybe eight years.
It took me quite a while to get abstinent from compulsive overeating. Part of the reason was because I tried a lot, like maybe six or seven. And, yeah, I actually threatened myself. And I say, you know, if you're not abstinent, you're going to have to get a sponsor.
[00:43:06] Speaker C: Boom.
[00:43:06] Speaker A: You know, that really frightens me. So I remain abstinent. I'm maintaining a 60 pound weight loss chair.
So if you are mean or controlling or you have suggestions for my life, don't talk to me.
Thank you. Okay. That's all the time we have for sharing. Thanks for attending this workshop. And we will close with the Serenity Prayer.
[00:43:28] Speaker B: Be the cannot change?
Urge to change the things I can.
[00:43:37] Speaker A: She just said it was already on, so.
